October 17, 2013
We all have our daily struggles. Some more difficult than others, and some people seem more prone to troubles and struggles than others. Nevertheless, struggles are real. Struggles are always present.
It wasn’t until the spring semester of my freshman year in college that I realized I had a real struggle. I real, life threatening, life altering, time consuming, heart breaking struggle. While I was in class I constantly thought about what had just eaten and how it changed me, I thought about my next meal and how I could burn it off, and how I could eat the minimal amount of food while still eating. I couldn’t not eat. Basically, food and thoughts of food came to consume about 96%, if not a higher percentage of my time.
Returning to school in the fall semester, I finally decided that it was time to seek help. I clearly could not resolve this issue on my own. Clearly it was eating me alive (it had been for at least the past 7 years, if not my entire life.) I couldn’t take the voices in my head anymore. I couldn’t handle them judging me, controlling me and trying to be everything my life revolved around.
So now, I’m a couple months into sessions. Trying to keep my hopes up. Trying to tell myself that I can get over this. Trying to understand where all this is coming from. And constantly, constantly trying to fight against it.
Taylor Swift and her fearless quote basically represent the theme of my ongoing recovery battle. Fearless isn’t not having fears, it’s having so many but allowing yourself to push through the struggle.
These two quotes just represent and show that there is still in fact good in the world.
and I truly believe this..