“Someday, I’ll be, big enough so you can’t hit me, and all your every gonna be is mean.” -Mean, Taylor Swift
Those are the famous words of Taylor Swift in which she addresses a bully of some sort. Every time I heart the song, I think of my own bully that I have to confront on a daily basis. No, it’s not someone who steals my lunch money(does anyone actually do that?) no, it’s not a mean teacher or girl who won’t let me hang out with her group. The biggest bully in my life, and probably for more than just me, is myself.
I step in front of the mirror every single day of my life and criticize myself and tell myself that I look awful. Believe me, its an awful feeling. I am a slave to my own mind and everyday I let it become an even bigger bully than it was the day before. Every time I think of myself I think negative thoughts such as ‘I’m not pretty enough’, or ‘my body is on a significant downward slope.’ None of these are pleasant thoughts, or comments I should even be making to myself. I am a child of God whom He created and crafted in His own image. So, if I believe all this, why don’t I feel this way? I’ll tell you why, because ED lives in the back of my mind. EVERY. SINGLE. DAY.
I can’t blame this on the media, or pop culture, although it would be easy, Just like I said before. I chose to blame myself. Honestly, I have no one else to place the blame on. I enable myself to feed my mind negative, nasty comments,why do I let it rule my life? I just feel as if no one will accept me. ED strikes again.
If there is one thing I’ve learned recently, its that everyone is beautiful in their own unique and individual way. No two people are made the same. Therefore, not everyone can be super model skinny, or tall enough the reach the top shelf, or short enough to be adorable! If we were all the same, wouldn’t the world be a dull place to live? I for one believe so. So, think about how everyone is completely, utterly, and totally breathtakingly beautiful.
So, the real question I should ask myself is when do I allow myself to live this, feel this, think this and stop allowing myself to criticize myself, depress myself and beat myself up daily?
“But the cycle ends right now ’cause you can’t lead me down that road.”- Taylor Swift