Hold My Heart

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http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=q-xmBDAK5c4 I cry every time I hear this. 

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qEz2PsLJ-RI This song too.

 

“If You’re everything You say You are, will You come close and hold my heart?”

I’ve never not been apart of the church. Some of my first childhood memories come from the church. I grew up in a Christian home and was always taught the Word. So, when I began to have doubts about God’s plan for me, or hearing God’s voice, or feeling abandoned by him, I started to feel like a bad person because I was unsure.

I felt like I was stuck in a hole, all by myself with no one to help me out of it. I just felt as if God wasn’t caring about me. He didn’t care what happened to me or what I was going through. I couldn’t wrap my mind around why I had to have an eating disorder and cry all the time and constantly beat myself up. I was almost angry with God because I felt like he had just left me to drown on my own. I was sinking, or so I thought.

It’s a funny thing when you finally get to hear God’s voice. It’s strange. You don’t expect it. It’s not like the Bible stories you know the kind, like when God is calling Samuel and he believes it to be Eli. It wasn’t like that. It wasn’t this big scary voice from the clouds, it was almost like a whisper. I like to think of God as my own personal Jiminy Cricket. He’s my conscience; speaking to me and I don’t even realize it. I just forget sometimes that God can speak like that. It doesn’t always have to be writing in the sky or the hand on the wall. I always feel bad because I think I’m not listening to God, but I really am. It was a strange feeling to be praying and talking to God about something for so long and just get no answer. It’s an amazing feeling and experience when He finally answers you. When he gives you a ‘yes’ or a ‘no’. It’s like no other feeling in the world. To get to see God’s hand in my life yesterday was a completely amazing experience that I will never do justice in trying to explain.

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