My mind has been in so many different places lately. Literally, all over the place. Sometimes, I just take a step back and have to realize how blessed that I am. However, Ed makes that difficult to do sometimes. Especially at this time of year where things like food, candy, cookies and other treats are so easily accessible. Yeah, good luck trying not to binge or restrict yourself or telling Ed to go screw himself.
Anyways, the other day I was looking on Pinterest, when I came across this pin.
That really hit home for me. When I was younger I used to see the lifetime movies or hear the health lectures at school about not having an eating disorder, and even though I kind of knew I had a problem, I NEVER actually thought I’D be the girl with an eating disorder. With my very own personal struggle, and with my very own personal Ed.
Sometimes it’s difficult to wrap my mind around the fact that this is my actual life. This is actually happening to me. This is my daily battle. And as much as I don’t want it to be and as much as I’d like to pretend Ed doesn’t exist, this is real life.
It’s at the point in the day, where I start to feel discouraged and like Ed is never going to let me out of his heavy grasp (and I have alot of those lately) that I have to remind myself that getting rid of Ed’s voice is a daily thing and an ongoing process. It takes courage to admit I have a problem. It takes courage to just eat something sometimes. It takes courage NOT to go work out. It takes courage to stand up sometimes and say ‘Screw you, Ed. I’m going to do what I want for 5 minutes.’
I’m really into anchors lately, and some people think I’m a little strange for that. I think they are pretty neat though. They are a symbol for me. A symbol of hope. Mostly because of the Bible verse that I have come to cherish.