As you may have noticed, I tend to relate many of my life situations to songs. I always have; it’s just always been easy for me to relate to music. Especially if that music is country music. I actually have a musical background, which is probably why I easily relate to music. It’s always been one of the best ways for me to express myself.
Today, I was just taking a drive in my car when Stand by Rascal Flatts came on the radio. I always forget about this song and I have no idea why! It’s such a great message that can relate to so many different scenarios. But for me, it’s almost obvious what I relate it to: my eating disorder. It’s a song that says no matter how many times Ed knocks me down, I have to get back up and fight. Every time I get pushed, I have to push Ed right back. When Ed throws a punch, I either have to duck, take the punch and stay knocked down, or take the punch and throw my own right back. Every time I feel blown around by Ed, or thrown down on my knees, I have to brush off the dirt. I can’t let Ed see me cry, it’s part of his leverage against me.
When Ed yells and says I’m doing everything wrong, I have to calmly say that I’m doing everything right.
Every single time Ed throws me down to the ground, knocks the wind from my chest, give me a good bruise on my knee or speaks words of darkness, I have to remember to stand right back up.
Every. Single. Time
Do you know how hard that is to remember? Every time you hear negative thoughts or someone trying to knock you down and tear your self esteem to minuscule shreds to just stand there and take it? Do you know how hard it is not to listen to him? Do you know how hard it is to stand back up when all you really want to do is fall under that spell and become Ed’s. Extremely difficult. Extremely.
There are just so many lines for me in this song that jump out of the song screaming my name! Saying this is for you!
“You might bend, till you break
Cause its all you can take
On your knees you look up
Decide you’ve had enough
You get mad you get strong
Wipe your hands shake it off
Then you Stand, Then you stand.”
I think the song speaks for itself. I just find it to be inspirational and motivating for me.
Really, all I want for this long journey of mine, is for some to want to stand with me and hold my hand through it all.