You’re a Wild Card

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My shell became very uncomfortable , so now getting back in shape!

I had to re-read this quote about 4 times to fully understand what it was saying. When I finally understood it I then understood the point. What a true statement!

So, I’ve been doing a whole bunch of thinking over the past few days. I’ve been thinking a lot about these pictures of me over the past 2 years, when my Ed was probably at it’s worst. I thought that I would just take the time to post them and then kind of reflect on it.

MARCH 2012

Can you see the “lines” in my abs? I was pretty proud of that at he time. Of course I didn’t eat anything that day, gotta look nice for prom. Now I see this picture and it just reminds me of something I can’t obtain again.

AUGUST 2012

The very beginning of my college career. If you would’ve asked me then, I would’ve said I was fat. Looking back now, I guess it was a healthy weight?

DECEMBER 2012

This picture…..I just think I look like a bobble head. I had hardly eaten…in my mind I know that isn’t healthy, but I kinda want that.

JUNE 2013

I remember really being able to see my abs this day. And eating mcdonald’s for lunch. Gee, I wish I would’ve stayed that size…oh wait

OCTOBER 2013

I was feeling really good and “thin” this day and after this color run. I ate pancakes after :/

OCTOBER 2013

IMG_0999I

If I look like a bobble head again it wouldn’t surprise me. I kinda passed out a school but not from not eating! I don’t know what it was from.

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I just want to feel okay. I just want to know what it feels like to not feel guilty after every time I eat.

I’m thinking about taking up lifting some weights in the exercise room after I use the elliptical. I’m thinking that’s pretty good for you. I was also on blogilates.com and saw so many positive posts. I think I’m going to start looking around more for positive and uplifting HEALTHY body images and sites. You can’t change old ways and habits by still doing the same old thing and expect spectacular results. I’ve got to make that change. I have to want to leave Ed behind bad enough to want to stop that intrusive thoughts, the bad behavior and leave the guilt behind.

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