At The End Of The Day

Don't wonder why people go crazy. Wonder why they don't. In face of what we can lose in a day, in an instant, wonder what it is that make us hold it together.

You know what’s frustrating? This feeling:

I feel pathetic. I just feel like, like I’m not pretty enough, or smart enough, or good enough, and maybe even ridiculous because I don’t go to work I just go to class.

Do you know what that feels like, not being good enough? Terrible. No, awful. No, I don’t even know the words for that. Anyways, find the worst word that describes the worst feeling, and that’s the word. Peg that word for what that description makes me feel. That’s it. I really have no other words. That’s it. That’s all.

You know what’s frustrating? When the one person you want to talk to at the end of the day doesn’t want to talk to you. I know it’s difficult to talk to me. I know it’s painful and extremely exhausting to listen to me say the same thing ‘that I feel bad’ over and over again. But sometimes that’s what I need. Sometimes that’s all I can say. It’s the only way that I can describe the demons, monsters and name calling that goes on inside my head. I know it’s difficult to listen to me. I know it’s hard to find the right words to comfort me. But what you don’t realize is that all words are comforting. Knowing that you want to listen is comforting. Knowing that you just want to hold me and let me stare at the wall, cry if I feel like it, or let me just ramble on for five minutes straight; that’s comforting. Knowing you want to go through this with me, that’s helpful. I know it all sounds stupid. I know that I sound kind of stupid and a little repetitive. But this is me. You might have to accept it. You might now. But this is me. This is who I am. I’m fighting day in and day out to fix myself. Working up the courage to speak to you and talk to you about what’s going on in my head is scary and it take a tremendous amount of trust.

18 LIFE lessons to be learnt from Greys Anatomy | Heartstring

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