I think that it must be a daily requirement for me to feel like complete crap at the end of the day. I’m not really sure why it is, but it sure seems to be. I mean, I know you’re supposed to take everything day by day but I’ve just about it had with all of that.
It’s like this quote from Wintergirls, and as much as I know I wish there was and everyone else, there’s no magic cure for this.
I’m sitting here tonight going through all of these really old CD’s because I’m driving to Houston tomorrow and well, it’s long trip and I need some decent music. I came across the Broken Bridges soundtrack, you know, that movie with Toby Keith. In the movie, the girl who play’s Toby’s daughter ends up getting beat by her boyfriend and then she and her father end up writing a song together. Say what you will about this movie, the acting and the plot, but if there’s one good thing that came from this movie it’s the song Broken by Lindsey Haun.
I didn’t understand it the first times I watched it, but a few years later, I was able to begin to relate the song to my life( and if you haven’t figured it out by now, my ed).
“When you’re broken in a million little pieces
And you’re trying but you can’t hold on anymore
Every tear falls down for a reason
Don’t you stop believing in yourself”
Anytime that I hear a song that I can relate to my ed I can hardly make it through the song without a big lump coming up in my throat and me holding the tears back. This song isn’t any different for me. She’s literally singing about how she’s broken-well how she was-and that’s a very real concept to me. I have to come to terms with the fact that I am, in fact broken. Every tear falls down for a reason? I guess so.
“Hitting walls and getting scars
Only makes you who you are”
You are who you are because of the experiences that you go through. Every scar you have is the product of something you experienced and it’s something that makes you different from everyone else. That’s just like me and this journey that I’m going through makes me different from anyone else. Nobody else can say that they’ve walked down my same road, only similar.
I think that I can say that I experience heartbreak at least once a day. And if being broken over and over makes you who you are, I’m a step closer every single day. I also believe that you can’t be broken forever though. At some point, “every piece will find it’s place” and come back together to recreate you as a whole person once more.
Bottom line is, I love this song. I’ve always loved this song. I love how it makes me feel slightly sad but a thousand times better by the time we come to the end of it. It gives off a sense of empowerment and gives me hope at the end that I’m eventually going to get better. I have to.