Have you ever wonder what it would be like to be inside someone else’s mind? To know all their thoughts, the way they process things, the way they feel about others, but most importantly, how they think and speak to themselves? Okay, maybe that last part is just me. I wonder that all the time. How do others speak and perceive themselves? Do they constantly beat themselves up? Continuously tell themselves they aren’t good enough? Do they even feel bad about anything to eat? I don’t have all the answers to any of those questions, I only know what I think and what my own personal experience is.
Today, I wanted to eat Rosa’s for lunch, so I did. When I walked into that restaurant, I told myself that I wasn’t going to feel bad about what I was eating and for three whole minutes, I believed myself. But as soon as I held that to go bag in my hand, I knew that everything I had just tried to prepare myself for was about to happen. I was about to eat my lunch, and literally, as I was in the process of eating it, I was going to feel bad about it. I don’t know if there’s anything I can do to fix that feeling that I have right now. I don’t know if there’s anything I can do at this moment that are going to take this pain and heaviness I’m feeling on my heart right now and make it go away. I guess I can try, but I don’t even know where to begin, which is the problem I come to the majority of the time.
There’s some days, where I can handle anything that this ed wants to throw at me, and then there’s others, where I eat a cracker or drink some water and I just want to die because I blew my whole entire eating plan. Don’t ask me how I have either of these days, because if I knew I’m completely eliminate one from my life. But that’s not how it is. That’s not how it is for my life. I live in world where beauty and looks are what everyone values. However, I was reading the Bible the other day, and I know this verse to be true already, but 1 Peter 3:3-4 says that it’s not your outward appearance that should validate you and make you who you are as a person, but the person that you are on the inside who should define who you are.