There’s all kinds of rapid heart beats. The sweaty palms, Christmas morning, falling in love and crossing the finish line of your latest achievement. The two types that I think are most prominent though, is the rapid heart beat of excitement and the rapid heart beat of your absolute worst fear.
Sitting at a table with two people to my left and one to my right, it seemed like an ordinary class day. I’m an education major so I take all sorts of classes. In this class, we are currently discussing nutrition, a subject already touchy for me. I figured it was going to be fine, I mean, it’s about kids. How back could this be? Bad. Very bad. Things are about to take a turn for the worst.
Now, back to these three people I’m sitting with. I know them, we’re friends, but they know nothing about e.d. Nobody really does, nor should they. As the professor starts class, all of us are about to be asked to do something nobody in the class wants to do. As the professor goes on ranting about obesity I’m already cringing and sliding down in my seat. She’s lost my interest and my heart is already beating abnormally. Then, I hear a dreaded sentence that evokes fear in me. I can feel my heart beat speeding up, my hands shake and I’m almost certain my face is pale. Let’s hope nobody notices. “Go to the BMI website on your ipad and go ahead and calculate your BMI.”
Wait. Stop. Pause. Slow Down.
Who in their right mind would do this? Who’s ever okay with this?! I watch as the whole room clicks open the screen and does what they were asked, as I sit still, angry beyond belief and trying to distract myself. I hear the girl cry out at the table behind me, upset about her own BMI being too high. Exactly why this assignment was absurd. Thank goodness it wasn’t for a grade and she didn’t notice I didn’t participate.
I felt completely blindsided by this. I suddenly felt like everyone was analyzing me, my professor mostly. I wanted to punch her. I know, that’s a little extreme, maybe just throw my pen at her. Definitely give her a gigantic piece of my mind and a little insight into how that assignment made me feel.
Bullet hole in the chest. Gasping for air. Faded eyes and pale face.
I did not appreciate that.