11/7/15: A Fearless Day

Sometimes there are just some things in life that you can’t handle all by yourself. I think that I finally reached that point…..So on Saturday, I did something pretty freakin’ terrifying. I went to meet with someone about eating disorder recovery coaching.

AND guess what? The world didn’t catch on fire, I didn’t die from complete terror, the person I met with was the absolute nicest and it helped me start a very rocky, long, difficult journey down a new path without an e.d. (I even got a pet rock out of it. Okay, it’s not really a pet. It’s one of those chakra rocks.) Doing that was probably more terrifying for me than intentionally going and buying a ticket to a horror movie at the movie theater or watching creepy things on Halloween night. But I did it and I lived to tell the tale.

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While I met with this coach, we talked about a lot of things, my goals, how I wanted my recovery to be, why I felt like I was ready for recover, (did I already mention my goals?!) what the eating disorder made me feel and some of the underlying reasons we have eating disorders. For example, often times, we use eating disorders as a way to suppress feelings, keep away unwanted emotions and numb ourselves. I see myself feeling numb all the time, I just didn’t know that’s what I was doing. I thought I was walking around “sad”. NO! I was really just numbing my emotions. I didn’t even realize that’s one of reasons I may have developed this. At the end of the discussion, we decided that maybe I should try and eating like “a normal person” as I call it. We decided that I should try eating 3 meals and 3 snacks. This is going to be literally hell. There’s no other words. This is hard for me. SUPER hard.

I'm commemorating this day. This was 1 hour after my session was over.
I’m commemorating this day. This was 1 hour after my session was over.

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I started on Sunday, so I’ve been doing this for 2 days. This kinda sucks. But as much as it sucks, it feels oddly….good. So here I am….trying to start this new journey.

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These help me to know I’m doing the right thing, even if it doesn’t always feel completely comfortable. (These are from my coach.)

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5 thoughts on “11/7/15: A Fearless Day

  1. Dearest Kairos: I am so proud of you. The first step is the hardest. I am on the exact opposite journey. I eat too much and it affects my health too. There are days I fail miserably BUT there are days that I win the battle. Give it your ALL. God, your husband, family and friends all love you and are there to support you. You are beautiful and I will pray for your successes big and small. Would love to hear about them too.

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  2. Wow! Powerful in your honesty. Keep being honest and let other people love you because you are very, very loveable…….not because of how you look or what you know……but because you are you and you were made in the image of God. Can’t go wrong there! Extend to yourself the grace that you so easily extend to others. Much love and encouragement for the journey I know you are equipped to take!

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  3. Kairos, You are so beautiful. You have to believe that. You have so much love for others…so show love to yourself. Life matters and so do you. I can identify with you the opposite side of the coin. I didn’t love myself and anything that didn’t go my way I just ate to make me forget whatever it was that made me sad. I have many health issues as a result of my overeating. I finally have lost 125 lbs. I still have far to go but I am learning to love me too. I could have never done this without my Lord and Savior. He has always been by my side. So lean on Him too! So proud you have taken this step. You are loved. You are supported by many and my prayers will be for your continued success.👍🏻🌹

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