Monthly Archives: December 2015

2015 in review

The WordPress.com stats helper monkeys prepared a 2015 annual report for this blog.

Here’s an excerpt:

A San Francisco cable car holds 60 people. This blog was viewed about 2,600 times in 2015. If it were a cable car, it would take about 43 trips to carry that many people.

Click here to see the complete report.

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A Marshmallow World

snowman

It’s the most wonderful time of the year!

santa kids

It’s also one of the scariest times of the year if you have a “lovely” eating disorder. Yipee…..I’ve been having a rough past couple of weeks. It just seems that no matter how much I eat healthy and workout, I can’t shake these bad feeling I’m constantly feeling. They are overwhelming and all consuming. I try to combat them by watching tons of Christmas movies (especially ones for kids 😉 ) and sometimes it seems to help for a little while. However, most of the time though, I’m left worrying about how to get rid of the food I ate or dreading and wondering if I’ll gain weight from holiday activities. It’s Christmastime. Shouldn’t I be trying to guess what someone got me for Christmas, shaking presents under trees, worrying about what I’ll wear to Christmas gatherings and commemorating first Christmas with my husband? Trick question, I’m actually doing all of these along with worrying about my Ed. I am doing all of those things while continuously allowing the Ed thoughts to swirl around in my head.

I know you’re probably thinking that I can help it, but I can’t.  Recovery is a hard journey as it is, then tack on the fact that this is just a difficult time of year. You are constantly bombarded with images of dinners and festive Christmas treats while also being the main target of weight loss ads and New Year’s resolutions. I’m walking a fine line between trying to get better and not slip back into old habits as it is, I don’t need that added pressure. Whether I like it or not though, it’s going to be there and I’m going to have to deal with it. All I can’t think about though is how freaking painful eating food is. No matter what I eat it just hurts me. Eating is pain. Don’t ask me why.

kids

With today being Christmas Eve however, I’m trying to think about the joy that I should be feeling tomorrow. This year, I have dessert duty for Christmas dinner so I’ll be baking a sugar cookie Bundt cake, doing some last minute tidying up and getting ready to go to the candlelight service at church to celebrate the whole reason for this time of year: the birthday boy Jesus J So while I’m singing Silent Night at church tomorrow I’ll actually be praying for a silent night of my own where everything is calm and bright.

cake

It’s super easy to get wrapped up in the hustle and bustle of the Christmas season, which I find happening to me. But there are times like tonight and tomorrow where I’m trying my hardest of focus on the hymns we sing and the thoughts I’m actively thinking and trying to direct them towards the baby in the manager. And even though I’m no longer a child, I can’t help but think about Santa Claus and all the children leaving him milk and cookies tomorrow night (unless you’re from my house as a kid where we left him Dr. Pepper and vanilla cupcakes with chocolate frosting because we made cupcakes for Jesus.) It’s just so magical! It makes me feel all warm and fuzzy inside when I think about it. I so wish that I could be a child again and just go back and live Christmas all over. As a child I wasn’t worried about what I looked like, I was just so excited for Santa, to see my family and celebrate Jesus that the worry about what I looked like in my outfits was totally foreign.  What a beautiful time of year this is.

kids in bed

Find Your Bliss

Life is beautiful. There, I said it. It is. Even if you are in the worst mood no matter where you look, if you try hard enough you can find something that’s beautiful. You just have to be willing to try. The same can be said for fear. Life has fear, it just does. However, I’ve heard it said that the flip side of fear is excitement. So, as individuals, we have to be willing to harness our fear and see the excitement in it. We have to take control of whatever we are afraid of and use it for something positive! I’m preaching to myself here, as usual.

Five free printables available for download. They are totally free and feature several Bible verses and inspirational quotes. #freeprintable

Today I graduated from college. That brings on a whole flood of emotions. I worked attentively, purposely, duteously, and with much perseverance to be able to complete college in 3 ½ years. It’s been a long road, especially battling an eating disorder the whole way. Graduating bring fear and anxiety itself. It’s new and unknown and means that you are about to be thrust into the world and thrown into a new job or something unfamiliar and uncomfortable. You can choose to see that as fear and think that you have no earthly idea what you are doing! OR you can choose to see this next step as an adventure and as a brand new sparkling chapter in your book. It’s new, unmarked, and blemish free. You can make it anything you want! It’s a clean slate that can carry you to any place you want to go. You have to remember that God clearly led you to that position you are in and He wouldn’t have done that if He didn’t have faith in you and want you to succeed. God doesn’t want us to fail!! That anxiety and fear that we feel…well, it’s evil! No good, negative, throw it in the trash can evil! It can steal joy from happy moments and make you feel like you aren’t good enough. We have to continuously choose joy and happiness. We can’t let the fear creep up on us and steal the new adventure we are about to embark on.

“I want to be a woman who overcomes obstacles by tackling them in faith instead of tiptoeing around them in fear.” -Renee Swope

For me, I’m graduating in December and then I’ll start a new job in January teaching English to high school students. I’ve got some limited experience in that department, therefore I have so much fear, anxiety and major nerves building up. I’ve noticed lately that because of those 3 elements combining, that I’m trying to compensate for that in other departments (and by that, I do in fact mean the food/exercise department).  Because I can’t control the unknown, I’m trying to figure out ways to control what I can, which is food. I don’t wanna do that! I don’t want to go back to being miserable in a little corner. What a wonderful and joyous time of year this is!! I want to listen to Christmas music, watch cute animated Christmas films, shop, think of ways to decorate classrooms, and eat some Christmas treats! I don’t want to try and figure out ways to count calories or how to get rid of them. I want to choose joy, love and happiness and I’m going to try my very hardest! I want to celebrate life not hate it!!

Life is constantly calling us to make decisions, hard and simple. Today I had to choose to enjoy graduation and being with people I love the most. Sometimes, you have to search for the positive and joyous and block out the fear and others the bliss simply just appears.

Life’s Anticipation

Today is the final day of student teaching (clinical teacher…whatever). IT’S MY LAST DAY!!! When did this happen?! Am I even old enough to be in college, let alone a teacher!? They are actually going to let me mold impressionable young minds!? Sometimes, I think the state of Texas is crazy. With yesterday being the conclusion of a UIL meet, today being the end of the semester and graduation rapidly approaching, there are all sorts of emotions in the air. Excitement of actually being almost certified, fear of graduation and the future, paired along with excitement of the future because there are so many more beautiful memories, experiences and adventures to come! And of course, I cannot forget the excitement of being able to watch an unlimited amount of Christmas movies/shows because of this new things I’m about to have since finishing school….time!

I’ve come so far since the beginning of the semester. I started out this timid, young, zero experience student teacher who felt like she had no idea how to even step inside a classroom (ALSO: I was Miss McCollum). Now, at the end of this journey I feel like I can walk into the classroom (still nervously) and for the most part have a grasp at what I am supposed to accomplish (and this time, I’ll never be ‘miss’ again, I’ll be Mrs. Powell). Being a “Mrs.” is funny in itself. It’s a strange concept to think about how you permanently are going to live with someone but I can also say that it is literally the best decision you can ever make. It’s amazing to always have someone there with you to talk to, to laugh with, to watch the same TV shows over and over and over, to make them watch Christmas movies with you ;), and finally (this may be the most important) to never judge you for not wanting to make dinner. Maybe it’s just that I’m a newlywed or the spirit of the holidays getting to me, but I’ve just recently realized that there is just so much to be thankful for, appreciate, step back and just be in complete awe of in live. You have to love it. You have to enjoy it while you get the chance. I’m writing this and just thinking about how amazing God is and how thankful I am that he has given me a wonderful family and wonderful close friends that I get to experience life with! He’s allowed me to accomplish my goal of finishing college and it’s been a pretty good ride. He’s allowed me to finally start thinking and working towards recovery, which is a whole new mountain for me to climb, but He is with me!

It’s been a LONG semester filled with joy, anticipation, tiredness and of course, what would college be without STRESS? But I’ve made it through! I can say that I am a graduate, which apparently is a big deal. I get to say that I worked for 3 ½ years to accomplish this goal and I finally get to cross that finish line! Finally, I think what has been one of the best lessons I’ve learned over the course of this semester didn’t come from a school or a book, it’s come from God. I’ve heard it said countless times that “God has a plan for your life” and I took that, understood, and believed. It wasn’t until very recently though that I truly, truly started to believe that and started to watch things unfold the way they are supposed to and NOT how I imagined them. Which is frustrating and I feel like my life is one giant waiting game. But how boring would that be if everything actually went according to how we planned!? There would be no anticipation or excitement in life!! Look forward to the things you have to play the waiting game for in life, sometimes the waiting could be the best part.

(SIDENOTES: I made that one face a lot during the semester.)