Sometimes celebrating a holiday late is even sweeter than celebrating on the actual day 🙂 Just like in 2014, when Marty and I celebrated our 1st (of course it was a few days late because he was being released from the Army and all) Valentine’s Day he brought me those wooden roses in the background. In 2016, he’s having both of those traditions continue. Flowers that don’t die 🙂
In more….less happy news. We have some things to lay out on the table here. Let’s talk about yesterday and today (mostly the morning).
After that doctor’s appointment a few weeks ago, it kind of scared me into recovery. I realize that I can’t keep doing what I have been and I CAN’T fix myself. So, yesterday, I got some help. I had a visit with a nutritionist who showed me a graph of what my body needs in high priority and what it’s currently getting with what I’m supplying it with. She gave me suggestions, meal ideas and kind of told me what would happen if I didn’t eat. Basically, it’s stuff I knew I needed, but I just needed to be told by someone certified in that field that it was okay to eat “fat” and “protein”. Mainly the fat. I’ve been so scared of it. I find myself wondering lately how death actually hasn’t already greeted me after seeing those results……………..
Back to the “fat” part. I need those for so many reason. To function properly, to digest, for my brain to operate correctly, to have a baby one day, ultimately to not die and for those essential amino acids. Scary/serious stuff y’all.
Here I am. Staring at the cold hard information. Someone can tell me to eat all day and that it’s good for me, it’s the applying it over and over, day in and day out that’s the hard part. I’m sitting here trying to make a grocery list remembering…BABY STEPS. I CAN’T automatically start eating like that. My body literally won’t be able to handle or process it because I’ve deprived it for so long. Ease into it. Baby steps. I’m completely and utterly terrified. Scared out of my freaking dang mind.
I had extreme anxiety last night at the though of eating Justin’s Maple Almond Butter that I had my mom get so I could start my first baby step this morning.
I drove home with this almond butter sitting shotgun the whole way and as I got out to open the gate in front of my house I felt like I was going to cry. I’m just scared. This is the most horrifying adventure I’ve ever had to go on. But I HAVE to go. I have no choice. I was stressed out and nervous and I knew the next day was going to be different and HARD. And the day after that, and the next week……
Turns out though, almond butter is pretty good. Even if it was only a teaspoon.