Monthly Archives: February 2016

A New Cooking Adventure :)

If your husband makes a dinner request…chances are, you’re going to end up researching how to make enchiladas.

(I may have red If You Give a Pig a Pancake today while subbing in the library.)

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Excited face because I’m attempting enchilada making later!!

Literally his conversation started with, “Hey, do you know how to make enchiladas?” Followed by me going, “Uhhhhh….I know how to make enchilada casserole?” He was less than thrilled with that. I tried my hardest to avoid rolling the enchiladas, but I lost that battle. (ALSO: I was supposed to try them with ketchup, but I sort of forgot. He and his dad eat them this way apparently. Don’t ask.)

Commence the Internet/Pinterest search for how to roll them/an easy-ish recipe!!!! I watched some Youtube videos and convinced myself that I could actually do this.

I made cheese enchiladas because well, ultimately that’s THE best kind 🙂

In the end, it wasn’t that hard really, at least not nearly as difficult as I envisioned it being.

So, there is my adventure dinner for the week 🙂 Sometimes, I cook. ALSO!!! These were SO DANG GOOD. I’m so proud of myself!!! I’m also proud of myself for actually eating this for dinner. Even though, I did make a Kairos-Version and a Marty-Version of these. I still did it, y’all.

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Already A Little Old Lady

I’m already an old lady!! I got more/new supplies to do my cross stitch with!!!!

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Hi, Gilmore Girls binge season watching! 

Marty says I could’ve survived during the Pioneer days.

A while back I decided I should probably develop a hobby that wasn’t running or working out. Plus, the Internet at my house isn’t the greatest (but hopefully that’s going to improve soon). When I was just a little younger, I started cross stitching because my mom said she used to enjoy it back in the day. My first year of college I stitched a few things while I sat in my dorm and watching tons of Grey’s Anatomy. Then, after that, I sort of stopped or forgot about it or something.

Anyways, once Marty and I got married I decided I needed something to do to fill my time with. I finished student teaching in December and it was Christmas time (YAY!!!!!! I miss it already!) so I started to do these little ornaments (the house I showed the other day was one of the ones I was supposed to have done then). I did a gingerbread man and a candy cane during the holiday time and then sort of stopped. I finished that little house quickly and decided I needed new patterns.

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Enter Etsy. What a wonderful site 🙂 I found a set of 4 super adorable woodland creature type animals that make me smile when I look at them so I’m currently working on those. Hopefully I don’t give up or get bored or something.

Sometimes my hands get pretty tired but that just means it is time for a browsing Pinterest/Instagram/Facebook session 😉

Oh! I also randomly got these bagel crisps yesterday at the store. HEB kind of rocks even though I have a love/hate relationship with it. I used to loveeeee bagels, but I try to stay away from them now, because well in my head I have that they are “bad”. Not the point here!!! Anyways, these are flippin’ fantastic.

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In Omnia Paratus

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This sandwich right here is a really big freaking deal. Huge. To you, it looks like an ordinary sandwich (well, maybe not because of the bread). I used cinnamon raisin bread, because well that’s the BEST kind of bread there is. Anyways, you’re looking at it probably asking yourself what is so dang special about this particular sandwich. It’s a peanut butter sandwich and an apple. The special part: the fact that there are 2 whole pieces of bread. 2!!!!! Not 1. Not 1 1/2….but 2! I never never never ever eat sandwiches with 2 pieces of bread. I’m scared of it and I don’t like it and I don’t wanna do it. I felt like eating a “sandwich” with 1 piece of bread gave me some type of discipline and control that other people just didn’t have. That’s so not true!!! It means that I irrationally fear a piece of bread. Who in the world is afraid of bread? Me.

I ate that sandwich with 2 pieces of bread because I’ve recently come to a very startling, harsh and horrifying fact that’s staring at me straight in the face. I’m scared/nervous to even type it out. This is my heart on my sleeve. This is an insight into the most vulnerable part of my being. Exposing all of my elements, secrets and disguises.

Some times things just happen to you. I didn’t mean for this eating disorder to happen to me. While it could probably be argued that I did in fact do this to myself, I didn’t realize that’s what I was doing initially. I just thought I was “getting healthy”. I didn’t originally set out to lose more than 5 pounds or just gain a little bit of muscle tone. I didn’t. I didn’t realize that “getting healthy” meant becoming a slave to my own mind, being frightened of almost all foods, being afraid to be around people, sleeping just plain awful at night, having my thoughts consumed with food, and worst of all being unnerved, and sent into an utter panic over my own feelings and emotions that I buried deeper the more I developed my eating disorder.

So, what the heck am I rambling on about? I went to the doctor last Monday so I’ve had an entire week to process and cope with this. When you go to the doctor, they make you get on a scale (which I get on backwards as to not see the numbers) and take your blood pressure. Twas that day that I was suddenly slammed with the reason why I’m so cold all the time, my fingernails are often found a shade of purple, sometimes why I’m kind of mean and angry, and why tired so quickly in the evening. At first I just noticed that my blood pressure was lower than usual. Like way lower. I already have a lower blood pressure but this was abnormal for even me. Then, at the end of the appointment, the nurse handed me this paper that was just going over what the doctor had said to me. I glanced at it, not realizing that it would have my weight on it…..it did. It was at that point, that I realized why I always seemed to live in Antarctica and everyone else seemed to live on a normal continent.

It was at that moment where I felt panic and my heart ached. I never meant to do that to myself. I never meant for things to get quite that bad. I didn’t even realize I was doing it, that it was happening, that things changed or how I even achieved that. I didn’t want my gold star……..

It was at that moment that I realized……I might actually be sick.

So here I am. Trying to make arrangements to change that. Arrangements that are going to push me. They are going to help me heal and enjoy life and live in color instead of living in black and white and watching the colors swirl around me. These things are going to push me and I’m going to push back because I DO NOT WANT TO do them. I don’t. I don’t wanna change. I worked hard for this. BUT I HAVE TO. HAVE TO. I don’t have a choice anymore. If I want to continue living, if I want to continue to have a life with my husband, if I want to teach kids, and one day if I want to have a family. I have to keep pushing for the healthy version of me. I have to fight for the good.

But following inspiration people who are doing the same things as me or are a little further along in their journey than me is helpful. Especially when they are so kind as to stop, reach out their hand, and touch others.

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God bless, Julia of http://www.lord-still-loves-me.com/

On a much happier note 🙂

Image: http://bluesclues.wikia.com/wiki/Blue’s_Clues_House

I also finished my mini cross stitch this afternoon while I watched a ton of Gilmore Girls AND the Charlie Brown Valentine’s Day DVD I got!! I’m kind of obsessed with Charlie Brown and all things Peanuts. And maybe it’s just me, but this little house I did sort of reminds me of the Blue’s Clues house….haha.

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Now I just want to go watch all the animated movies in my drawer!!!! Really, I’m just a child in an adult body.

Link Love: Channeling Love Today

There’s another blogger I follow, her name is Julia and her blog is called Lord Still Loves Me.

http://www.lord-still-loves-me.com/

 She’s pretty cute and inspirational 🙂 She usually does a “Link Love” blog each week where she links to articles, quizzes, fun things, and interesting finds all across the World Wide Web. I’ve found myself coming across many good finds/reads this week so I’m going to follow suit.

This is her link to her Link Love this week: http://www.lord-still-loves-me.com/link-love-february-6th-2016/#more-5182

Health:

Food and Fitness: The Case for Letting Go of Extremism- Jennifer Rollin

Pretty much a hit home with me.

http://www.huffingtonpost.com/jennifer-rollin/food-and-fitness-the-case_b_9106092.html

Things That Make You Think:

7 Things I’d Rather Be Than Hot- Grace Valentine

This just goes along with today’s society and thinking about how people are more than just what they look like.

http://theodysseyonline.com/baylor/7-things-rather-hot/168793

66 Things To Be Grateful For, Big and Small- Sierra Horton

YES! Your pets, heating, coffee (or Coke if you are me), #48, #59, and #65

http://www.popsugar.com/smart-living/Things-Grateful-36053829

Books I Want To Read:

You’re Already Amazing- Holley Gerth

Furiously Happy: A Funny Book About Horrible Things- Jenny Lawson

Fun Stuff/Quizzes: My fun things are pretty much all in the spirit of the upcoming Valentine’s Day 🙂 ❤ I’m not really a super fan of Valentine’s Day, but I love the concept of it. (It’s super mushy gushy, and I don’t totally buy into the whole ‘buy me expensive jewelry, flowers and post allllll over social media that you love me. But it’s still a cute day in theory)

Can We Guess Your Favorite Holiday With Questions About Food? Buzzfeed I  got Halloween. They are definitely wrong!!!!

http://www.buzzfeed.com/sjufmkjgjesj/we-know-your-favorite-holiday-based-on-your-food-c-1xu0n

Which Disney Prince Should Be Your Valentine? Buzzfeed I got Prince Eric. Ehh, I’m more of a Prince Phillip kind of girl.

http://www.buzzfeed.com/jonmichaelpoff/which-disney-prince-should-be-your-valentine#.vsL5ZDGX7

8 Pun-tastic & Printable Valentine’s Day Cards! One Good Thing! By Jillee http://www.onegoodthingbyjillee.com/2015/02/8-pun-tastic-printable-valentines-day-cards.html

Hope your week is filled with love,

XOXO ❤

 

 

 

Chocolate & Peanut Butter

This is me making a terrified/goofball of a face because eating a Reese’s Peanut Butter Hear is literally the most petrifying thing I’ve done today.

Because Valentine’s Day has slowly crept it’s way upon us, there are constantly-and I do mean constantly-commercials with chocolate and candy on TV. I can’t tell you how many times I’ve seen a Reese’s commercial or a jewelry commercial. (Heads up, just give me York patties for Valentine’s Day). Anyways, I saw a ton of these peanut butter cup ads on TV and I decided that I just wanted one so freakin’ bad.

So, today, when I had to go trash can shopping because we somehow lost the lid to our trash can yesterday (WHO even does that?! Seriously!) I had my mom buy some Reese’s hearts….I ONLY wanted hearts. I wanted to be in the spirit of Valentine’s Day. Plus, food is just better when it is cut in a cute shape.

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Just looking at the bag was scary. I didn’t even really wanna touch it, almost like it was evil and forbidden. I had to tell myself that the voice I was hearing telling me that if I ate one that I was “bad” or “dumb” was from Ed and from the Devil. It wasn’t really and truly my voice. I mean, peanut butter cups combine 2 of my all time favorite foods. Literally. Chocolate and peanut butter. Those are 2 foods that I wish I could solely survive on. They could possibly be equivalent to heaven on Earth.

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Then, I unwrapped the pretty shiny packaged chocolate hearts and ate the scariest thing that I’ve eaten since my wedding cake. Reese’s hearts. Were they good? Uh, yeah! You’re talking to a peanut butter lover!!! Am I still living? Yes. Did the world come crashing down around me? Well, not yet. I’m still scared out of my mind. I’m still squirming in my seat. I’m still freaking out slightly and I might be for a few days. I can’t even explain it to you. But that’s not the point. The point is that was a major K-Pow moment!

Homemade Lasagna Night

It’s Lasagna Night!!!!!!!!!

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Sometimes I use our oven for more than baking. Sometimes. Ordinarily, well before I got married, I would’ve made this lasagna with spinach instead of meat, however I don’t think my husband would’ve totally appreciated that. Soooo, I subbed the spinach for just regular beef. They didn’t have any ground turkey at the store the other day, so beef had to do. Don’t you worry, I still made this dish healthy 😉

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You’ve gotta have some sort of garlic bread when you eat Italian food. Am I right??? I like how the lasagna is still all perfect in it’s dish before I had to destroy it and it try to get a piece out 😦 It’s harder than it looks! Oh! And I got to use my blue Corningware dish. They make me smile because they are a pretty color.

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And here’s me, being awkward and showing you my plate (like you wanna see that). It’s not the prettiest presentation, but hey, getting lasagna out of a pan is difficult!!! If this isn’t a brave moment, I don’t know what is. I’m trying to breathe through this one. I feel like I should learn some Lamaze breathing techniques to deal with this (insert laugh here).

It’s just now Wednesday and this week has already been eating disorder hell. I’m trying really hard to just eat some food and not worry about how I’m going to burn it off. Easier said than done. I’m teetering on sanity. Currently, I’m watching The Big Bang Theory and the whole gang is at Sheldon and Leonard’s eating their Chinese food and I find myself asking the question of, HOW can they just eat that?! Do they even think about it? Does it phase them?! Do THEY freak out later? Ugh. I just don’t get it. It’s all very frustrating. How do all of you “normal folk” function on a daily basis? Seriously though, right now I think I want to crawl in a corner and just stare at my living room/kitchen from it.

GET INSPIRED: My Definition of Eating Disorder Recovery I wrote this as a result of my frustration of the "idealized recovery" that often gets portrayed to the outside world:

Image: http://www.dontlivesmall.com/blog/2-recovery-road-my-definition-of-recovery/4/6/2014

Also, I’m way over this whole winter thing. Can’t it just be spring? Working out/jumping around inside just isn’t appealing anymore. I just feel stuck. I know that Punxsutawney Phil did not see his shadow so where the heck is spring?! I know, I know, it doesn’t happen that quickly. I think I’m just a little fed up with all this dang wind, too!!! Goodness. It could blow away a small child.

#emmroy:

Image: http://theberry.com/2014/04/18/daily-motivation-25-photos-452/

I’m going to finish watching this episode of The Big Bang Theory, wait for Pretty Little Liars to come on and try not to run away now.

To The Blueberry!!!

Image: capncarrot.tumblr.com/post/15820626024/squashthatmelon-pineappledeliciousness

YES!! Nigel St. Nigel! I cannot tell you how many times my family has quoted this very line....:

I just LOVE Psych 🙂 One day, when I eventually buy a new car, I think it MUST be blue just so I can say “to the blueberry!” like they do in the show.

In other news, I’m doing the “wife” thing and I baked blueberry muffins!! 🙂 THE best kind of muffins you can make-your argument is invalid 😉 Aw, now, “don’t be an incorrigible Eskimo pie with a caramel ribbon” like Gus if you don’t like blueberry muffins.  I got the recipe from the lovely Running With Spoons

blueberry oat greek yogurt muffins

I was really nervous about how these were going to turn out while I was mixing them. They have oats in them so I was nervous that they wouldn’t rise or they would be lumpy, but thankfully, to my surprise they turned out fantastic!

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Hopefully, Marty will think so too. I think the plan is for him to eat some for breakfast in the morning (I made these at night). I tried part of one and I think they are delicious, however, I’m not sure M always quite appreciates my “healthy” recipes.

ANDDDD now I wanna watch Psych. Dang you, country living where we get terrible internet!!

Psych... this was one of my favorite episodes:

Image: imgur.com/gallery/3EAcy

Which Wich Adventure

I know that we’ve probably all seen these floating around the internet:

Image: https://s-media-cache-ak0.pinimg.com/originals/a0/36/dd/a036dd5bdbb067b96cae629a8c7caee4.jpg

Image: https://s-media-cache-ak0.pinimg.com/originals/f0/3f/1b/f03f1b18acf384d0a3fd2ea505f37507.png

Well for me in my eating disorder journey, some days are about working out and eating only yogurt and fruit and others we like to incorporate some other sort of food. Likeeeee today! Today was the first time I’ve ever eaten at a Which Wich because we recently got one in San Angelo and I’ve just been too nervous to try it, but it was pretty awesome. Major win. Let me just say, that if you haven’t ever eaten at Which Wich you are doing yourself a very large and harmful disservice! For real.

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Side note: When I go to a restaurant where they call out your name for the order, I’ve learned over years of having my name butchered to just put a simple name that people are less likely to screw up or want to have this long conversation about.

That bread was amazing ( and I’m super, super terrified of bread!!) But I did, y’all!! I ate the freakin’ sandwich. I haven’t quite freaked out yet…..I can feel it sort of starting to happen because originally I planned on having yogurt for lunch (but you probably guessed that).

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I’m trying really hard to cope with this though. I’m telling myself that eating a sandwich is absolutely normal. It’s finally warm-ish outside today and I’m going to try and run in a little while so I’m thinking that might offset or at least prolong the freak out for a few hours/days. I can be ever so hopeful. But back to this sandwich business. I mean seriously! Has it just been a while since I’ve eaten a sandwich or was it really just that good? I think Subway may have lost a customer today……haha. Sorry, Subway! I’m really not sorry for discovering this new place though 🙂