So I should have written this post the weekend of the 4th of July…..but I was literally too lazy to take the time to sit down and type. But I am doing it now, so that has to count for something right???
There’s been moments over the past few days (the July 4th weekend), that make me feel like my heart is overflowing. I find myself positively overcome with joy, love and tranquility that can only come from the Lord. Only from there. Because He loves me and us and I have the PRIVILEGE of “feeling” and “experiencing” love. How amazing is that? Soak it in. What a concept! God’s love allows us to live. It allows me to eat something terrifying (aka the peanut butter sandwich I had for lunch). It allowed me to fall in love. In love….there’s another amazing feeling. I can’t even express the pure joy this concept brings me. I can’t even grasp it. But the Lord is amazing, y’all! He allowed me to live in the wonderful country of the United States and He created people that love and are devoted enough to risk their life to protect the country God created and protect the citizens. Those willing participants are so so vital. It reminds me that God is good. Watching the fireworks yesterday while driving reminded me that the Lord provides, loves and protects. I was in complete awe of that. When the troubles of the world have you scared, nervous and anxious as it so often does today, remember all of the numerous wonderful things God does.
God’s hand is everywhere, take a look around. Whether it’s the random flower/tree, the love of your life next to you, your parents, sibling, or anything else imaginable, God is present.
The only way that I will heal and slowly feel better and possibly hear Ed less is with God. I know that everyone “sees” me feeling/doing better. In a way, that’s only slightly true. No, I don’t cry up against the bathroom door anymore, and no I don’t dig my nails deep into my thighs, but I still can’t go 1 day without running, I can’t go to a restaurant and order just anything; I can’t even walk into a restaurant without already having seen the menu and knowing calorie content. But, I can’t do this by myself. I’ve learned this in the most difficult way. I cannot. I forget this all too often. Those fireworks reminded me in the strangest way. Honestly, the old cliche is true, God works in mysterious ways.
The fireworks changed like mood rings and each color in a mood ring represents a different emotion, much like god has different qualities. God kind of has his own color chart.