Tag Archives: blank space

If You’re Ever Gonna Find A Silver Lining

On staying curious: | 16 Walt Disney Quotes To Help Guide You Through Life

It’s late at night while I’m writing this, but that’s when all the best writing happens isn’t it? Over the past week I’ve been a roller coaster. I’ve done many things that have put me out of my comfort zone, literally made me want to cry and run FAR away and most of all, challenged me to be in ACTIVE recovery.

This past week, I had to go to the doctor for the whole “checkup” nonsense. Anyways, anybody who has been to the doctor knows that the first (possibly most annoying) thing they do is take your weight. It infuriates me. I’m sure the nurses at the office hate me because I literally grumble every time I have to do it. So, I stepped on the scale, backwards 🙂 it’s just what I do. I don’t want to see the number, so why act like it? I don’t need to know. I don’t want to know. There’s no need to subject myself to that torture when clearly I didn’t seek the scale out. (Side note: This is a giant hurdle for me, considering I don’t even know where the scale in my own house is.) Anyways, I avoided a crisis there, so I’d say that was a solid win for the week.

The curious paradox...

Then today, when I was with my fiancé, we ate Whataburger for lunch. I tried my best to be healthy, like I always do. I’ve scrupulously have studied the menu at this burger joint and know what are and aren’t the “best” choices. So, I picked what I thought was best, pretty much ate around the bread on the sandwich, BUT I ate the french fries that came with the order. I ATE FRENCH FRIES Y’ALL. I didn’t even freak out til hourssssss later. It was a minor win though. Minor because of the fact that I freaked out later and just about wanted to die (literally). I came home from my fiancé’s house and almost lost it. I changed clothes and tried my best to “run” it off, or get on the elliptical and get it off/out of me in some way. But I’m still here, I’m still breathing and my clothes still somehow fit. It’s all a difficult process for me. I know that it was a win. I know that eating food is good for me. (Side note: We aren’t even going to talk about how I’ve eaten this week.) But I’m slowly, slowly, slowly going to get there.

Track 2 lyrics! I knew Incredible Things (the perfume) had to have a meaning!!! Like Wonderstruck and Enchanted!!

It’s like Taylor Swift says in Blank Space, “Darling, I’m a nightmare dressed like a daydream.”  That’s what an eating disorder is! A ‘nightmare’ clothed in a ‘daydream’. It’s not! It’s soooooo not. Ed starts out by saying “Nice to meet you, where you been. I could show you incredible things.” His and my version of incredible things, are VERY different. Everyone idolized the women who can eat little to nothing at meals, eat low calorie meals, shows self-restraint around sweets or foods deemed unhealthy, and basically because they are thin. They shouldn’t though because you don’t know how those women feel alone or at night. They could feel like they are in the middle of their own nightmare when you see it as a daydream. I just think it’s one of the best lines to describe an eating disorder in a quick manner.

Taylor Swift - Blank Space  Like if this is you too! Cause this is soooo me!

“Every moment of light and dark is a miracle.”  ― Walt Whitman

I’m trying really hard not to bring this Ed into my new marriage. However, that just doesn’t seem possible. It’s going to come with me. Like it or not, this e.d. is a part of me. I can’t just blink it away, but I can accept it and I can accept that I’m always going to be recovering.

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Be Your Own Angel

Time for my annual rant. If you don’t wanna hear it and you’re going to say “they work hard for their bodies and train as hard as anyone else.” Stop reading now. Go!

First thoughts when you first hear about the annual Victoria’s Secret Fashion Show:

“Oh, great I like to watch that every year.”

“Then again, I just love to torture myself.”

“Skinny and pretty models parading around in underwear. Lovely.”

“Oh, but I love T-Swift. Ed Sheeran too!”

“I guess I’ll watch. Stupid models. Making girls self esteem go down every year around this time.”

So, I admit it, I pretty much watch this every year. I guess you could say it’s “torture”. I don’t know if I feel quite that way about it though. I’ve read and researched a lot of information about this fashion show and how the models workout and how they diet and how they prepare for this upcoming show. I don’t even want to explain that. It’s a lot of words that you could probably guess at or make your own assumptions about how those “angels” live. I’m not saying they don’t eat pizza, because I don’t know how those women live. I’m also not saying that they don’t work hard to maintain those “perfect bodies”. What I am saying though, is that does this industry have to only showcase this singular type of woman?

There are plenty of different sized women in the world. Plenty. And not one single type of woman appeals to all men. I’m not saying that we have to necessarily only showcase bigger than size 10 women, size 0 or size 6. I’m just saying that there could be variety added to the show! Seriously. Let’s spice up this thing or change it up so that it’s not horrifically predictable.

Thoughts during the VS Show:

“Well I feel fat.”

“She’s not even pretty.”

“I hope she falls.”

“Is she married?”

“Tomorrow I start running. I’m never going to look like that.”

I think that it’s important to show that all different body types are beautiful. I think it’s vital to show little girls, teen girls, young women, college girls, and even older women that their bodies are beautiful just the way they are. I know that I for one have trouble accepting these compliments or truths, I struggled with it all today. I just believe that it’s important to show young girls and daughters and mothers that just because they aren’t a size 0-2 doesn’t mean they aren’t beautiful. It means that they are beautiful to their friends, boyfriends, fiances, and husbands just the way they are.

Yeah, the VS Show gets a lot of heat each and every year. Sure, the whole company catches flack for these models. I’m sure they don’t blink an eye at it anymore. But let me just say…..seeing your ribs isn’t normal nor do I feel that it should be praised. Final point, yes, they are pretty and work hard, but I don’t like the message they are conveying (whether it be intentional or not).

VS and Society’s view of beauty literally is “a nightmare dressed like a daydream”. Believe me, I live that nightmare. It seems like a sparkly dream, but it’s not, it’s really not. The vision at the end is not worth the journey to get there…….(insert experience here).