Puff. Puff. Inhale. Exhale. Right foot. Left foot. Puff. Puff.
As I walked towards my car, breathing heavily, I began to realize what I just did. I ran two miles. As I reached out to pull the door handle on my car, I suddenly realized that what I just did, wasn’t fun at all. I realized that I actually, legitimately hate running. So why do I do it? Well, I think it has to do with two things. In my mind, I’m not good enough, so I think that running will make me better and keep me at a low weight (which seems to be the driving factor here.) The other reason is that I think people will look down upon me if I don’t do some type of workout.
It’s been another one of those weeks for me. Just blah. It was a little better than last week, at least I wasn’t trying to throw up my food or only eating yogurt for dinner. It’s just been a little stressful with midterms and things like that. Gotta love college. I did do something kind of exciting last night. I went to a tae kwon do class with one of my friends. It was actually really fun. I felt pretty empowered once the class was finished. I now realize why so many people choose this activity. It was a fairly good workout too.
In the midst of my not so great week, I heard a song on the radio that made me feel pretty great. I needed to hear those words at that moment, and so, as I was listen to K-Love, I heard them. The song is called “Gold” by Britt Nicole. It just talks about how not everything people say about you is true, and that everyone is beautiful and is really worth more than gold.
I feel very inspired by this song every time I hear it. It keeps me believe that I can still be a beautiful person even if one person doesn’t think so. It’s not always about what others think. Sometimes, its the opinion of yourself that needs to change. I’ve never been the best with self confidence or self esteem and that song reminded me that I need those things. What other people think of me doesn’t determine my worth. If only I could actually believe that. That’s one part of my issues. I wish I could blame it on something else, however the fact of the matter is, it’s mostly my fault. If my self confidence wasn’t so low maybe I wouldn’t be as down about how I look.
But really, why do we need to tear each other down? Why do we need to scrutinize other people’s bodies? Whether they are boys or girls, it just doesn’t make any sense to look at a person and try to pinpoint all their flaws. Why do you want another person to feel bad about themselves? Are you that insecure? I know that I personally do not like to feel bad about myself so I try my best not to look at other people’s flaws, but their good traits. I feel that’s a better use of my time and emotions.
I could go on and on about this. But at the end of the day, the fact of the matter is that I don’t feel like people like the way I look or I don’t like the way I look. Sometimes, I think a girl just needs to hear the words that she looks nice, just the way she is.