Tag Archives: bully

Stay True and Act the Part

**I feel like I’ve used this before….but when I searched it, I didn’t find anything, so I’m using the song now!**

Ghosts Mayday Parade: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4D4zpATVXQQ

Demons Mayday Parade: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uKGA0hNnl9o

Ghosts  Mayday Parade: Ghosts  Mayday Parade

Seriously, I’ve asked Ed to leave just about a millionnnnn times. Does he? Nope! It’s been a very very very very long time since I’ve listened to Mayday Parade. But the other day while I was driving the radio was just awful and so I looked over and found one of their CDs. I just put it in, started listening and remembered how I used to run up and down the Concho River to this song and how I used to think about how much it reminded me of my Ed!

“Now this is getting old”

It really is getting old, and of course, metaphorically, the “ghost” is none other than the evil Ed himself. He just doesn’t leave me alone! He haunts my dreams, nightmares, and pretty much every day thoughts. There is no sacred time, thing or memory that he won’t just creep up on or into.

This describes my life today perfectly...I'm just done with life....:((: This describes my life today perfectly...I'm just done with life....:((

“Now this ghost in my bedroom it gives me advice…when you reach that golden cloud, I’ll be there with you.”

Funny thing is, there will never be a golden cloud. There will never be an end point or a perfect body! NEVER. It’s not an attainable thing. Once I reach  the point I thought was where I wanted to be, suddenly there is a new goal to pursue, a new weight, or something! You suddenly realize that your “good enough” isn’t “good enough” for someone else (Even Robots Need Blankets). There is no finish line and definitely no pleasing Ed.

“I made a brand of my own poison that I gave to you, it was the first of my experiments I’m going to put you through, now it’ll only make you dizzy, sick, and paralyzed.”

That’s seriously the way I hear Ed in my head. He made this poison for me and I apparently willingly consumed it. It’s like I’m a living science experiment that’s never going to end. Often times, it does make me feel sick and not literally paralyzed, but paralyzed in a sense that I couldn’t move or stop doing what I’m currently doing even if I actually really wanted to. He’s a monster in my closet that no amount of nightlights or parents checking under the bed will fix! I’m not even surprised he’s in the closet anymore. (Although, I do wish he looked a little more like Sully from Monster’s INC.)

I’m gonna try to live without my demons….and even if I can’t I’m gonna stay true and act the part (Better known as fake it til you make it.)

When life doesn't look like you think it should. Keep reading post at the House of Hendrix: When life doesn't look like you think it should. Keep reading post at the House of Hendrix

I’m working on it though. I think I am anyways. I’m working on cleansing my closet of all the awful monsters that live there. I’m working on cleansing my head, my thoughts and my life from all the poison Ed has pumped into over the course of my entire life. It’s a process and it’s going to take more than the 2 years that I’ve been trying. Every day is a new day, a new chance and an opportunity for a little more happiness to creep into my life 🙂 Sometimes, when I feel like I’m at the end of rope…..I just picture someone holding onto me. I picture the people that mean the most to me and that’s how I know I have to keep going. That’s how I know that all of the fear I’ve been feeling lately, because I’m absolutely terrified lately, that’s how I know it’s going to be okay no matter what. The fact that I know there are people that deeply care about me makes me believe that it’s okay to try to get better.

Positive People!!!

Yesterday I forgot a VERY important person on  my list of positive people!

Cassey Ho of blogilates.com

I literally have watched her videos and worked out with her for about 2 1/2 years and I love her! She’s always honest and positive and makes her fans of her videos, or “popsters” as they are called, feel like they really know her personally. She’s bubbly, fun, exciting, always coming up with fresh new ideas and is kinda of a joy to watch. She makes working out seem like more fun and it appears that she thoroughly LOVES what she is doing. She helped me through some of my darker times. Shes always reaching out to her community of followers and even went so far as to promote positive body image after she was relentlessly tormented with highly negative comments about her own body (she was criticized for not being “fit enough” to be a fitness/yoga/pilates instructor). But she’s pretty inspiring y’all.

“How are we to know what kind of beauty can be naturally achieved when everything around us is so deceiving?”- Cassey Ho 



Oh, The Places You’ll Go!

Chainsaw - The Band Perry

I met this boy named Ed

He was special, or so they said

I met him at school one day

He was cunning so I let him stay

I know this boy named Ed

He greets me every morning when I get out of bed

He says don’t drink that orange juice

Your jeans need to stay very loose

I know this boy named Ed

He’s always in my head

He wants me to be perfect

He also says I’m not worth it

I’m friends with this boy named Ed

I knew I should have fled

When he told me he would like me better unfed

I guess he’d also like me better dead

My best friend’s name is Ed

I usually wish he would go away

But then I just beg him to stay

And so this is the road I now tread

I know this boy named Ed

It’s a dreary path we tread

He carved our initials into a tree

Now my chainsaw  will set me free

I hate this boy named Ed

I don’t care what he said

He needs to leave but instead he screams

He used his wicked words and turned them into schemes

There will be a day when I can make Ed go away

My skies will no longer be dark and grey

I will no longer have to obey

I can do this, breakaway

I will be free from Ed

He will no longer be my best friend

I’ll never have to be too skinny

Then I can believe that I look pretty

This boy named Ed is gone

I am no longer his pawn

My life is finally my own

Oh, oh, the places I’ll go

Chainsaw - The Band Perry

Dr. Seuss "Oh the Places You Will / You'll Go" 8x10 Wall print hand drawn illustration inspirational quote graduation gift

all YOU are is MEAN


“Someday, I’ll be, big enough so you can’t hit me, and all your every gonna be is mean.” -Mean, Taylor Swift

Those are the famous words of Taylor Swift in which she addresses a bully of some sort. Every time I heart the song, I think of my own bully that I have to confront on a daily basis. No, it’s not someone who steals my lunch money(does anyone actually do that?) no, it’s not a mean teacher or girl who won’t let me hang out with her group. The biggest bully in my life, and probably for more than just me, is myself.

I step in front of the mirror every single day of my life and criticize myself and tell myself that I look awful. Believe me, its an awful feeling. I am a slave to my own mind and everyday I let it become an even bigger bully than it was the day before. Every time I think of myself I think negative thoughts such as ‘I’m not pretty enough’, or ‘my body is on a significant downward slope.’ None of these are pleasant thoughts, or comments I should even be making to myself. I am a child of God whom He created and crafted in His own image. So, if I believe all this, why don’t I feel this way? I’ll tell you why, because ED lives in the back of my mind. EVERY. SINGLE. DAY.

I can’t blame this on the media, or pop culture, although it would be easy, Just like I said before. I chose to blame myself. Honestly, I have no one else to place the blame on. I enable myself to feed my mind negative, nasty comments,why do I let it rule my life? I just feel as if no one will accept me. ED strikes again.

If there is one thing I’ve learned recently, its that everyone is beautiful in their own unique and individual way. No two people are made the same. Therefore, not everyone can be super model skinny, or tall enough the reach the top shelf, or short enough to be adorable! If we were all the same, wouldn’t the world be a dull place to live? I for one believe so. So, think about how everyone is completely, utterly, and totally breathtakingly beautiful.

So, the real question I should ask myself is when do I allow myself to live this, feel this, think this and stop allowing myself to criticize myself, depress myself and beat myself up daily?

“But the cycle ends right now ’cause you can’t lead me down that road.”- Taylor Swift