Tag Archives: college

Find Your Bliss

Life is beautiful. There, I said it. It is. Even if you are in the worst mood no matter where you look, if you try hard enough you can find something that’s beautiful. You just have to be willing to try. The same can be said for fear. Life has fear, it just does. However, I’ve heard it said that the flip side of fear is excitement. So, as individuals, we have to be willing to harness our fear and see the excitement in it. We have to take control of whatever we are afraid of and use it for something positive! I’m preaching to myself here, as usual.

Five free printables available for download. They are totally free and feature several Bible verses and inspirational quotes. #freeprintable

Today I graduated from college. That brings on a whole flood of emotions. I worked attentively, purposely, duteously, and with much perseverance to be able to complete college in 3 ½ years. It’s been a long road, especially battling an eating disorder the whole way. Graduating bring fear and anxiety itself. It’s new and unknown and means that you are about to be thrust into the world and thrown into a new job or something unfamiliar and uncomfortable. You can choose to see that as fear and think that you have no earthly idea what you are doing! OR you can choose to see this next step as an adventure and as a brand new sparkling chapter in your book. It’s new, unmarked, and blemish free. You can make it anything you want! It’s a clean slate that can carry you to any place you want to go. You have to remember that God clearly led you to that position you are in and He wouldn’t have done that if He didn’t have faith in you and want you to succeed. God doesn’t want us to fail!! That anxiety and fear that we feel…well, it’s evil! No good, negative, throw it in the trash can evil! It can steal joy from happy moments and make you feel like you aren’t good enough. We have to continuously choose joy and happiness. We can’t let the fear creep up on us and steal the new adventure we are about to embark on.

“I want to be a woman who overcomes obstacles by tackling them in faith instead of tiptoeing around them in fear.” -Renee Swope

For me, I’m graduating in December and then I’ll start a new job in January teaching English to high school students. I’ve got some limited experience in that department, therefore I have so much fear, anxiety and major nerves building up. I’ve noticed lately that because of those 3 elements combining, that I’m trying to compensate for that in other departments (and by that, I do in fact mean the food/exercise department).  Because I can’t control the unknown, I’m trying to figure out ways to control what I can, which is food. I don’t wanna do that! I don’t want to go back to being miserable in a little corner. What a wonderful and joyous time of year this is!! I want to listen to Christmas music, watch cute animated Christmas films, shop, think of ways to decorate classrooms, and eat some Christmas treats! I don’t want to try and figure out ways to count calories or how to get rid of them. I want to choose joy, love and happiness and I’m going to try my very hardest! I want to celebrate life not hate it!!

Life is constantly calling us to make decisions, hard and simple. Today I had to choose to enjoy graduation and being with people I love the most. Sometimes, you have to search for the positive and joyous and block out the fear and others the bliss simply just appears.

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Life’s Anticipation

Today is the final day of student teaching (clinical teacher…whatever). IT’S MY LAST DAY!!! When did this happen?! Am I even old enough to be in college, let alone a teacher!? They are actually going to let me mold impressionable young minds!? Sometimes, I think the state of Texas is crazy. With yesterday being the conclusion of a UIL meet, today being the end of the semester and graduation rapidly approaching, there are all sorts of emotions in the air. Excitement of actually being almost certified, fear of graduation and the future, paired along with excitement of the future because there are so many more beautiful memories, experiences and adventures to come! And of course, I cannot forget the excitement of being able to watch an unlimited amount of Christmas movies/shows because of this new things I’m about to have since finishing school….time!

I’ve come so far since the beginning of the semester. I started out this timid, young, zero experience student teacher who felt like she had no idea how to even step inside a classroom (ALSO: I was Miss McCollum). Now, at the end of this journey I feel like I can walk into the classroom (still nervously) and for the most part have a grasp at what I am supposed to accomplish (and this time, I’ll never be ‘miss’ again, I’ll be Mrs. Powell). Being a “Mrs.” is funny in itself. It’s a strange concept to think about how you permanently are going to live with someone but I can also say that it is literally the best decision you can ever make. It’s amazing to always have someone there with you to talk to, to laugh with, to watch the same TV shows over and over and over, to make them watch Christmas movies with you ;), and finally (this may be the most important) to never judge you for not wanting to make dinner. Maybe it’s just that I’m a newlywed or the spirit of the holidays getting to me, but I’ve just recently realized that there is just so much to be thankful for, appreciate, step back and just be in complete awe of in live. You have to love it. You have to enjoy it while you get the chance. I’m writing this and just thinking about how amazing God is and how thankful I am that he has given me a wonderful family and wonderful close friends that I get to experience life with! He’s allowed me to accomplish my goal of finishing college and it’s been a pretty good ride. He’s allowed me to finally start thinking and working towards recovery, which is a whole new mountain for me to climb, but He is with me!

It’s been a LONG semester filled with joy, anticipation, tiredness and of course, what would college be without STRESS? But I’ve made it through! I can say that I am a graduate, which apparently is a big deal. I get to say that I worked for 3 ½ years to accomplish this goal and I finally get to cross that finish line! Finally, I think what has been one of the best lessons I’ve learned over the course of this semester didn’t come from a school or a book, it’s come from God. I’ve heard it said countless times that “God has a plan for your life” and I took that, understood, and believed. It wasn’t until very recently though that I truly, truly started to believe that and started to watch things unfold the way they are supposed to and NOT how I imagined them. Which is frustrating and I feel like my life is one giant waiting game. But how boring would that be if everything actually went according to how we planned!? There would be no anticipation or excitement in life!! Look forward to the things you have to play the waiting game for in life, sometimes the waiting could be the best part.

(SIDENOTES: I made that one face a lot during the semester.)

The 5 of Us vs. The Battle

They say the first step to recovery is admitting you have a problem. Sounds easy, right? Well, for me admitting I had a problem was simple. Actually referring to the problem by it’s correct name and wanting help for it, well that’s another story. A story that actually plays out for a number of years. Yesterday, September 11, 2015 was the day that a step was taken. The word was thought, typed and finally spoken. I was ready to admit it. So, here it goes……I, Kairos Brynn McCollum, have Anorexia. (I’ve now starred at this screen for 5 minutes without typing). That’s it y’all. That’s all I’ve got. It took me a while to be even able to think this word. Then….I had to admit to myself that that’s what was actually going on with me. Then, I had to type it out and send it to my Mom…and then Marty. Two of THE most important people in my life, I had to tell me. I had to say the word to them and make it real and not just some figment of my imagination.

Anorexia kills people y’all. It’s really scary. It’s a really terrifying moment when you realize something is eating you alive. Day by day, piece by piece it eats and chips away at you.

Perfectionism kills people y’all. I have this stupid, stupid need to have everything be perfect. But guess what, life isn’t perfect! I know that! But for some reason I still continue to strive for something that is literally impossible. What’s up with that?

Anxiety kills people y’all. My life is one giant anxiety ball. Every little thing can set it off. It’s been my whole life, not on purpose, but it has.  I’m so ritualistic that I can’t have one thing be off during the day. I eat the same foods I need to. I do the exact same thing everyday-wake up, get dressed, eat the same breakfast, go to school, WORKOUT, eat some safe food for dinner, then, if there is time for anything else do it, and finally sleep. Anxiety is scary.

I’ve been to therapy before, my first year at ASU, at that point, I had only admitted that I had an eating disorder. I had an “ED”. I didn’t have…..anorexia. It wasn’t really real until the other day. So, here I am, typing it out, boldly attaching myself to this hideous, ugly, downright vulgar word. Think about it, what an ugly word that is!!!

Recovery

So, you may be wondering, ‘How did I get to the point where I decided to admit this? What made me come to this sudden realization?’ Well, for student teaching, we have to record ourselves for 2 minutes teaching a lesson. As I watched myself teaching, I saw how truly thin I was…and how that wasn’t healthy. I knew I’d been doing some things differently lately but I didn’t realize they were actually making me thinner. I didn’t realize that I was thinner in the mirror than I was in my head. I think getting married has just escalated things, well the dress I mean. (Not that I think getting married is bad at all. I’m so so excited to marry the love of my life. I can’t wait for it to get here.) I think I’ve just been stressed. So, here I am, saying that I’m gonna have to get help. I’m gonna have to do some things differently. Am I ready to do that before I get married in 34ish days? I’m not sure. Am I going to be ready on October 18th? Yes. Am I ready to feel better? Yes! Am I ready to not hate myself? Definitely. I’ve been waiting my whole life to love myself.

So, how did I get here? How did this happen to me? Sometimes I wonder if I did something to make myself deserve this? Do I deserve to physically and mentally be in pain over eating a peanut butter sandwich or a hamburger? Or heck, even bread? I used to be mad at God, but now, I think I’m just a little upset sometimes with Him but I don’t think I’m angry anymore. I realize that I need to be able to turn to Him for prayer and comfort and that He DIDN’T do this to me.

"The Lord heals the brokenhearted, binds up their wounds, numbers all the stars, calls each of them by name.":

I used to think it was just me against the world. But after talking, I’ve realized it’s really not. It’s not Kairos v. Eating Disorder v. Anorexia v. the world. It’s Kairos (well, plus God) and Dad, Mom, Keegan and Marty against all those evil things.

PhototasticCollage-2015-09-12-16-51-23

I’m really scared, totally terrified and completely petrified. I don’t like change. Even just saying the word right now literally means that nothing is the same. My entire mind and body changes. But for now, step 1 is saying the word. I did that. That’s pretty much all I can give right now. I’ll get to step 2, it’s just going to take a little bit. It took years to get to step 1, but it’s a positive step no matter how much time it took. I’ve never been more scared, but I know that there are at least 4 truly wonderful people who are more than willing to hold my hand through this.

The Cruelest Words Come From Our Own Mouths

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I read that quote and I just realize how incredibly harsh and critical I am on myself. What ever taught me to be so cruel? At times when I’m feeling down, I like to get on Pinterest and look up inspirational quotes or just ones that make me feel good. This afternoon, I’ve been doing that.
#edrecovery #recovery #eatingdisorder:

I know that I’ve been saying over and over again that I’m afraid lately, which is probably annoying. I don’t know a better way to describe it though. There’s not a better word. I’m just afraid to eat foods outside the comfort zone, afraid to eat more than “x” many times a day, and pretty much afraid to gain/lose weight. I’ve sat in bed at night wondering if I was going to die if I didn’t start bringing more of a variety into the comfort zone of eating. I’m just…scared y’all. I’ve got a bunch of anxiety lately and insecurity seems to take over sometimes. I struggle with perfection. I’m such A perfectionist that it’s literally killing me. With student teaching and getting married (6 weeks..AHHHH!!) I find myself wanting to be perfect in every aspect, which totally is impossible!! I find myself though, at a crossroads. I know that it’s okay to eat food. I really do know that, now do I necessarily live like that….no. I can’t bring myself to realize that not being able to see my ribs is a good thing. I can’t bring myself to say that losing weight is bad! There’s been times lately where I have and sadly, I’m proud of myself. (I know I shouldn’t be.) But I’m at this point where I’m proud of how hard I’ve been working at it, subconsciously that is. It’s like I’m proud of the control that I’ve been getting??? Not even sure. Sometimes I find myself not able to breathe or fighting back tears because I’m suddenly so upset about something that I did eat, that I wanted to eat,  I suddenly just feel sad, or in that moment I just feel scared.

THE WORST KIND OF SAD IS NOT BEING ABLE TO EXPLAIN WHY.:

I saw a quote though, that said that my eating disorder (ED), IS NOT my friend. I keep forgetting that my ED IS NOT my friend but an EVIL, UNHEALTHY, UNFORGIVING, HATEFUL, LOUDMOUTH, HORRID, ABUSIVE, UGLY, CRUEL, HARSH, and CRITICAL voice!!! He IS NOT nice, kind, caring, passionate, or loving at all! Which are all qualities of an upstanding friend. I’m perceiving ED as loving me and wanting what’s best for me, but HE DEFINITELY DOESN’T. He wants me to hate myself and strive to be something that I don’t need to be! I forget all of this when I don’t stop myself  and tell myself to really consider what I’m doing. I think I forget that I really don’t have to try so hard. I don’t have to kill myself everyday.

Refuse to give in. The greatest battle is not physical, it is mental. Give it all you've got! #totalbodytransformation #fitness #skinnyms

I know that what I’m doing isn’t good for me. I know that I somehow have to fix it. I really really do know that I need help. I think that I just have forgotten how to actually get help. I think that I haven’t been/felt this low point in such a long time…since I was at UTSA probably, or the very first couple of months at ASU. I just keep holding onto the bright thought that there will be an end of all of this and I am going to be better one day. Somebody just give me a hug….

Days like this I am just happy if I can sit upright, speed certainly doesn't matter!:

2 Years Ago….and Still on the Journey

Screenshot_2015-08-30-09-16-54

2 years ago today I went to my first counseling/therapy session. It was a really difficult decision to tell myself and actually admit that I needed help. I still need help. So much of it. I’m so scared and I didn’t even realize it. I didn’t realize it until today, actually. I’ve felt super sad all day and it’s because all this week I’ve been desperately trying to fit my “restricted list” foods into my student teacher diet/upcoming wedding dress diet. I’m trying so very hard to handle everything that I feel has come so quickly at me. I feel the pressure and the stress coming and when I begin to feel that, I restrict more and I workout more to just try and alleviate some of the anxiety I am beginning to feel. When I realized why I felt so incredibly down and sad today I hadn’t realized that it was a feeling I had suppressed for quite a while. It’s back…..with a vengeance.

You're going to get through this, okay

That’s a bunch of rambling, but for the most part, I think that this is a journey that I’m going to be on for the rest of my life. I struggle through both sides of the spectrum as well. I struggle with actually wanting help and wanting to get better and then wanting to punch anyone who wants to help me at all. It’s a strange tightrope I walk. It’s a journey to face your fears. It’s a journey to get up every day and tell yourself that you are going to love yourself today and not totally completely loathe your body. All of this combine is a journey and all of this…is well, fearless.

Lost&Insecure

PLEASE DON’T ASK ME TO GO OUT TO EAT WITH YOU…… Sorry for the all capital letters but I just HAD to get that out there. Whew! Now deep breath. Monday and Tuesday signify a start to a new school year. This semester is different than all the rest. It’s uncharted territory for me. It’s MY LAST ONE! Since I start student teaching on Wednesday, Monday and Tuesday are ‘work days’ for us up at the university. During both these work days we get to leave for lunch and that means that there will be girls that want to go out to eat for lunch and then will probably invite me.

Hungry Girl Survival Guides: Best & worst choices at chain restaurants, holiday parties, Chinese takeout, coffee shops, & more! #FoodAdvice

It’s not that I don’t enjoy the company of others or that I’m a total people hater (insert laugh here) it’s just that I literally cannot handle it. I can’t do it. I can’t make myself do it. I’m especially on edge lately. I was just explaining to Marty last night that I literally live my life day to day trying to figure out a way to eat the least amount of calories as possible. I’m crazy…I know. You don’t have to say it. But don’t feel bad for me either. IS “this” a choice I’m making on purpose? I don’t know honestly. Some people might say it was. I’m unsure.

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It’s just that I can’t make spur of the moment decisions that involve food. I’m obsessed (actually, I’m not going to call it obsessed, because that’s not it.) I just NEED to know what the food is I’m eating. I need to be able to trust that it’s within the realms of what I deem ‘healthy’. Sometimes, even if I know that the food I will consume is healthy, I still can’t go eat at that restaurant because the calories are still too high in my mind. I know that’s not normal.

I know that wanting to eat yogurt for literally every meal IS NOT GOOD. I can’t help it. Even drinking this Quest protein shake mix I have is difficult sometimes because I have such a routine. I had a freak out the other night as I was lying in my bed. I’m trying to fall asleep and my brain says “No, let’s think!!!!!” I was thinking about how I’m about to be in a school all day long and I’ll come home to work out like usual (no big deal). Then, I realized that in 56 days, I will have to begin a new routine. I’ll still go to a classroom all day, but then I’ll go home to a new house which doesn’t have an elliptical. CHANGE. So, then I was thinking about how I would need to run before I came home from school/work (not a big deal…yet). I figured I could run at the track, but what about Thursday/Friday home football??? The courthouse would do, I guess. But what if it’s too cold? What if it’s too hot? WHAT IF?! Suddenly, I couldn’t handle being in my own brain.  Suddenly, everything was thrown out of control and I couldn’t get a handle on it. Thank goodness I fell asleep so I didn’t end up in tears that night.

I’ve just had many bad, bad, bad days in a row and the pressure and stress of school is already starting. This certainly does not aid my anxiety. I was just thinking about the other day, how I used to throw my food up from time to time, especially my first 2 semesters at UTSA and my first semester at ASU and how now I do that much, much less. I have made a baby step.

SIDE NOTE: I’ve been thinking about confidence lately. I’ve seen many pins about it lately on Pinterest and I’ve been thinking about how I need to have that in the classroom as a teacher. But, just because you merely don’t have confidence in your brain or body does not mean that you have some sort of a disorder or are damaged. Everyone has doubts about themselves at times, you aren’t totally going to be pleased with your body 100% of the time! Everyone has some sort of insecurity. Everyone feels like they aren’t good enough from time to time. What I’m saying is…..don’t label yourself “damaged” or “disordered” just because you lack confidence sometimes. We are ALL great 🙂

To be beautiful means to be yourself. You don't need to be accepted by others. You need to accept yourself.

SIDE NOTE AGAIN: I read somewhere the other day that eating disorders were genetic. I didn’t research it further, but what if I give one to my child?!

Like Razor Blade Pain

So, this is what I get, y’all. This is what I get for trying to be healthy and trying to get better. I get bruises that cover my entire knee on both my legs, cuts on my wrists, this bruise/scrape all down my right arm and then finally, a huge scrape/gash on my right knee. Needless to say, I’m unfortunately pretty dang clumsy. I mean, seriously, one second I was running along minding my own business, and the next second I was on the ground!! (I was running in a very public place by the way, so I’m sure somebody got a good laugh out of my fall.) This is like a major flashback from the summer of 2013.

leg2

Normal people might consider this a bit of a blessing. It would give them a chance to recover, get back to normal with health, and just take an overall breather from their hectic/rigorous/time consuming workout. Wellllll, if only I could relate to that or say it was me. I didn’t fully finish my run today because I fell, and that’s been driving me absolutely nuts all day, not to mention I have to figure out a way to actually do workouts now. Because I’m totally positive actual running is completely out of the question seeing as how it’s kinda hard to walk. So now, I’m faced with another challenge to add to my plate. With my eating disorder, I’ve made working out a part of my daily routine. I have to do it and I usually don’t have a choice. Truthfully, I’m obsessed. Not on purpose though, don’t get confused there. Now I have to figure out some way to do it. I think I might go crazy if I can’t. I don’t see how bending my knee is going to be easy, but I’m so crazy….that I’m gonna try to find some way to do it. I feel like if I don’t, that leads to even more restricted eating, even more fear, and that ultimately leads to even more deteriorated mental health. I can’t do that! I can’t live like that! It’s not living. I’m already kind of maxed out on stress in that department. With the stress I’ve already created for myself in that department over the years, the extra stress from my upcoming nuptials, and anxiety from the student teaching adventure I’m about to embark on, I really don’t need this added on to it.

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That being said…I found this the other day——->
rain came pouring down

I feel like all the time that people don’t take me seriously or they don’t think I’m “sick” because I’m not skin and bones and I actually make myself eat some food (even though it may not be sufficient.) The truth is though….I am sick. Sometimes I think maybe sicker in some ways than I was before. Sometimes I think it’s worse than it was in 2013 or when I first went to therapy. I’m just not totally positive.

Sometimes I just feel like I’m screaming at the top of my lungs and nobody hears me.

But what are they even going to do anymore? I don’t really want to hear anyone say to me “just eat” or “it’s going to be okay”. I think maybe, I want them to feel it?

On a lighter note, just FYI, being clumsy and running don’t mix (haha) AND I’ll be doing my student teaching in 1st Grade 🙂

The Restricted List

I came to the realization last night that I probably haven’t eaten “real/solid” food since last Saturday. It’s been 5 days. That’s probably a really really terrible thing. Then, I realized why I hadn’t really eaten anything that wasn’t yogurt, a banana, an apple, pretzels, quest bars, or some kind of peanut butter…I’ve been afraid to. I’m afraid of eating a food that’s on the ‘restricted list’ because I’m afraid of the repercussions. I don’t know if it’s because I’ve actually seen it change something on me, I’m make believing something will happen or I’m just plain imagining each calorie going someplace on my body. I literally can’t tell you.

It's OK to not be OK!

I’ve been wanting to eat all sorts of things on the off limits list over the past few hours; you know, like donuts, some pizza, and really some macaroni and cheese!!! I just haven’t. I can’t bring myself to do it. I see other people doing it, and they seem fine. They even look fine. And I swear if someone tells me after reading this that I CAN eat all of those foods, I might punch them ( think it through. I don’t mean it rudely.) I just mean that you saying that to me, might anger me a little. I’m fully aware that I CAN eat those foods, it’s choosing to that’s difficult and then following through. I’m working on it, well, more like up to it.

Baked Vanilla Bean Doughnuts - these are so soft and moist and loaded with vanilla beans.When you become so afraid to eat food that’s on the ‘Restricted List’ are you really in a good place? I’m just so so very terrified. I live my life in fear. I found myself completely overcome and consumed last Saturday with the fact that nothing I ate was even close to being on the safe food list. I had cake, and well some other foods that I’m not sure the name of but they tasted good. In the moment and in the following couple of hours surrounded by people I was completely fine with it. Then came 6:00 P.M. when it was time for dinner and I literally found myself shaking, trying not to just completely fall apart and cry and trying not to snap at people because they really don’t deserve it. I realized then, but more now really that I should probably ease some off the beaten path foods into my everyday diet.

Which leads me to lunch today….I’m making my own pizza at home. I’m gonna do it and I’m going to enjoy it. It’s going to be okay.

Classic Pizza Margherita  Dough yields 4 pizzas serving 3 to 4 people total    1 recipe pizza dough (follow instructions here)  1 recipe tomato sauce  fresh mozzarella cheese  fresh basil leaves, sliced thinly after pizza is removed from oven

Also, I read this today, which seemed to help a little.

https://www.yahoo.com/style/getting-engaged-meant-facing-my-anorexia-again-124689801623.html

Positive People!!!

Yesterday I forgot a VERY important person on  my list of positive people!

Cassey Ho of blogilates.com

I literally have watched her videos and worked out with her for about 2 1/2 years and I love her! She’s always honest and positive and makes her fans of her videos, or “popsters” as they are called, feel like they really know her personally. She’s bubbly, fun, exciting, always coming up with fresh new ideas and is kinda of a joy to watch. She makes working out seem like more fun and it appears that she thoroughly LOVES what she is doing. She helped me through some of my darker times. Shes always reaching out to her community of followers and even went so far as to promote positive body image after she was relentlessly tormented with highly negative comments about her own body (she was criticized for not being “fit enough” to be a fitness/yoga/pilates instructor). But she’s pretty inspiring y’all.

“How are we to know what kind of beauty can be naturally achieved when everything around us is so deceiving?”- Cassey Ho 

https://www.yahoo.com/beauty/fitness-star-cassey-ho-takes-on-the-perfect-body-117089175753.html

356_Ho_9780804139045

Great [Positive] Expectations

I walk around pretty much constantly making mental notes in my head of things I want to write, say, or just a different way to express my current state of mind. Basically, I’m always swirling some type of thought in my head. There have been many things I wanted to write lately but it just seemed like there wouldn’t be enough to say. Anyway, something that’s been on my heart lately is this whole “body shaming” pandemic. So many people have opinions about bodies, perfect and not. Everyone’s definition is different, too. What really is “skinny”, “curvy”, “fit”, “toned”, or “perfect”? What is that? It could be different for everyone and probably is! (SIDE BAR: saying ‘strong is the new skinny’ or ‘skinny girls look good in clothes, but fit girls look good naked’…IS BODY SHAMING.)

I’ve noticed a trend lately of younger celebrities speaking out against body shaming when they are criticized by the media for not having the “ideal” body (whatever that is.) I really love this because these young women are my age. I’m currently 20, I’ll be 21 in May and technically, I still consider myself still in transition to a “womanly body”. At this age, I still feel like only certain part of me have changed and not me as a whole. This is a HIGHLY difficult for me. Women’s and girl’s bodies are drastically different. Women do have more “curves” if you will, and younger girls tend to have less fat. Understandable, women have children and their body is preparing and changing for that purpose. I feel like I’m constantly changing. Most people probably don’t notice a daily (very minor) changes in their bodies, but I do ( I factor in the eating disorder for this). Either that or I am very aware and alert to my body.

I started this transition into a new body type in the second semester of my senior year in high school (so 2012). This was just before I entered college and began into the darker journey with E.D. I began to notice changes in my hip area and areas under my arms that were closer to my chest. I literally FREAKED. I changed the way I ate, worked out, and thought about myself. Thoughts became more destructive and this was also the time I made the switch from drinking regular soda to drinking diet soda. The “changes” happened for a while and then panned out………….until just a couple of weeks ago. My body took it upon itself to reorganize my..chest..area.

Nobody else would’ve noticed, but I did. Normal people probably don’t find an issue here, but for someone who is consumed with thoughts over how to control their body and obsess over what goes into me, it would’ve been nice to be consulted about the upcoming changes. But that’s not how things work; which is why today when I read about celebrities standing up for positive body image, I was excited. These girls are my age and their bodies are probably going through similar transitions to mine. I can relate to them because it seems like they are almost just like me.

We all know about Jennifer Lawrence and how she is always an advocate for positive body image, but what about some lesser known young women?

Selena Gomez: She was recently scrutinized by the media for not being “toned” and was called “fat” like she “let herself go” or something.

After that, she took to Instagram and posted a photo with the caption, “I love being happy with me y’all #theresmoretolove.”

Selena Gomez Says She's Happy With Her New Curves: "There's More to Love"  Selena Gomez, Instagram  http://www.eonline.com/news/647440/selena-gomez-says-she-s-happy-with-her-new-curves-there-s-more-to-love

Emma Watson: She is a positive role model for women everywhere.

http://www.examiner.com/article/emma-watson-talks-body-image-it-took-me-a-long-time-to-accept-my-shape

She states that “it’s ridiculous that [being comfortable with yourself] seems such an unrealistic goal.”

 “We have these unbelievably high expectations of ourselves, when actually we’re human beings and out bodies have a function.

“I keep telling myself that I’m a human being, an imperfect human being who’s not made to look like a doll.”

Emma Brings Her Bikini Body and Her New Man to the Beach

Your Guide to Looking This Good at Graduation

Zooey Deschanel:

http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2013/01/04/zooey-deschanel-body-image-dont-need-anorexic-successful_n_2409327.html

She states that some of the women she admired were, “Debra Winger, Diane Keaton, Meryl Streep—were all beautiful and thin, but not too thin.” She then goes on to say that there are many actresses who seem like they are skinny but it’s an unhealthy type of skinny.

“I’m a very small person, and if I lost 15 pounds, I’d look like them; it’s scary. For young girls, what does that say? You need to look this way to be successful? That’s not true. You do not need to look or be anorexic to be successful in Hollywood. The range of what’s acceptable is larger than what people believe.”

"New Girl" style.  Totally getting this outfit!

Her point is, you DON’T have to be super thin to be successful. It does not define you!!!!

My whole point is, is I’m not [we are not] alone in the battle. Not everyone has “perfect body” expectations. There are people out there [women] who genuinely want other women to be happy, proud and confident in their own skin.