Tag Archives: country music

Links To Love 7/17

1st off! You just need to listen to this song because I just think you need it in your life. It’s cute. You may not share that opinion but I think it’s sweet.

Fun: 

The History of Scrunchies in Olympic Gymnastics Goes Back Further Than You Probably Think– – by Miki Hayes via Bustle

Y’all. I’m pretty much obsessed/fascinated with all things Olympic gymnastics and I have been ever since I was a kid. I remember dancing and twirling around my living room trying to do gymnastics. Emphasis on the trying part. I’m so excited to watch again this year!!

Misty Copeland Will Dance in Disney’s Nutcracker Movie– by Brinton Parker via PopSugar

It’s 3 of my favorite things: Disney, ballet and The Nutracker!

9 Facts About Coca-Cola’s History That’ll Make You Go “Whoa”– by Leonora Epstein via BuzzFeed

Seriously! Every single one had me saying “whoa”. Every. Single. One.

Health/Fitness:

Monday Refreshment– by Robyn via The Real Life RD

“Deep breath. It’s going to be okay.”

I needed to hear this on Thursday. And Friday. (Maybe all days EVER. But especially those.)

Why Kristen Bell Loves Her Post- Baby Weight– by Kimberly Truong via Refinery29

Best Line: “Who cares?” and “If you walk out of your house worried that people will judge you, you will feel judged.”

As if I didn’t already love her before.

What is Healthy Eating Really? – by Taylor via Balancing Workouts With
Wine

You Have Two Kinds of Hunger– by Kylie via Yeah…Imma Eat That

It’s been a rough week y’all. I’ve been doing a lot of trying to find good articles to read to try to push me through to the next day. Thank goodness there are so many wonderful, helpful and insightful writers/bloggers out there 🙂

de2bfc13480dfae1f1e9c6146ae570a5
Image Source
Advertisements

Invincible

***New Music Alert***

“Broken glass inside, won’t cut through me.”

cassadee-pope-i-am-invincible-cover

I DO NOT in any way, shape or form feel invincible. Ever. Which makes this title a little confusing, I know. I have never felt like I would win some crazy battle, whether it be with inner self or some other person. Anyways, Cassadee Pope has a new song out in which she talks about herself and feeling invincible. She sings about knowing that you are a strong person and not letting anyone tell you differently! She talks about taking your inner pain and issues and harnessing them and turning them around and creating a positive sense of self and inner strength. What a concept for me! There have been so so so many times over just the past few weeks, (yeah, I know, my life really) where I have completely felt helpless, out of control and like I’m never actually going to win a battle with myself or my evil inner voice, Ed.

.

But hearing that song this morning, hearing the words “Heart covered in scars, but my fear is gone…” I thought, is my fear actually gone? Is my battle with some major insecurity and Ed a battle I am actually working and willing to win? Well, is it? Do I want to feel invincible? YES. I do. I so do. I just don’t know how.  I just constantly feel like if I eat one wrong food, or miss one workout that everything I’ve been working towards with my body is just gonna go straight to hell. All the efforts, literal hour long workouts, stressing about meals will just all disappear. This is not healthy! It just can’t be! I can’t continue to live in a world where I MUST check out a restaurant’s caloric content on the internet before I can decide I am even slightly able to stomach eating there. When I feel more comfortable eating a Quest bar for dinner than actual food, there’s got to be some kind of issue, right? Last weekend was my bachelorette thing before my wedding. That was an interesting evening for me. I had the girls eat at McAlister’s with me because I knew the menu; I could study it and make an ‘informed’ decision about what food I chose to put in my body. Which for me, is a gigantic comfort compared to eating at a local Mexican restaurant such as Henry’s. That place drives me insane…well possibly because I am. Then, on top of eating at McAlister’s I actually had some tiny bit of alcohol. I never do that! I’m scared of drinking! I’m scared of what it does to my body. I don’t want to change. I’m just scared……all the time.

I want to feel free….invincible.

#anorexia #eatingdisorder #recovery

Speaking of change, this weekend is my town’s local rodeo. We all know what that means….jeans!!! Jeans everywhere!! We all know how I feel about wearing jeans. Major anxiety there. It was this time last year I found myself putting on jeans that I found to be “tight” (yet they fit fine) which brought me straight back into more intense workouts. They do still fit, and I still wear them, they just freak me out. Often times, I have to remind myself that I’m not in a competition with other women. What size jeans I wear does not define me! Having an eating disorder doesn’t define me. I have to constantly remind myself that I’m not damaged because I have an eating disorder; and I am certainly not in a completion with other women I know that have issues with insecurity. I’m not in a ‘who has a bigger eating disorder’ competition. Sometimes, it’s very easy to forget that because there are always people around you, your age, talking about their diet, their workouts, their clothes, what size they want to be, and how they got to eat pizza and a burger and I ate yogurt. But that’s just life, there is always going to be some sort of trigger. The way that you overcome those triggers, become more brave, is to realize that you are just one human, and you can only do so much. You have to take a step back, take a deep breath, relax and become invincible.

Blazing Hearts

You were the girl with the blazing heart on fire….

I was watching Nashville last night and Lennon and Maisy sang this amazing song. At first listen, I didn’t really catch what it was saying to me, but this morning when I looked it up, I pretty much heard exactly what it meant.

Free as a dress in the breeze hanging on a laundry line, in the sunshine….

Even if it’s just for 2 measly seconds, we all know what it’s like to feel free. I know that feeling, it’s pretty amazing. Sometimes throughout the day I will just randomly feel this way. All of a sudden I can feel empowered and like I’m ready to conquer anything, which is something rare these days. Usually I feel so bogged down from all of this school work (which is literally taking over my life!!!!) but sometimes in the middle of it all, I can feel some freedom. Sometimes, I can feel like I’m in control. This song talks about how everyone goes through this, everyone gets a little down on themselves.

Who threw the punch that you couldn’t handle, what came along and blew out your candle?

Well….I think we all know who. But how does that happen? I still have yet to understand how I have managed to develop this disease over my life. I don’t mean to play the “poor me” card. I’m just saying, how did I get picked so to speak? That’s the old way of my thinking, they why. Now I should be thinking, how do I change that? How do I get myself to overcome this? I’m stronger than he is…I am.

Maybe it’s just yourself that you’re fighting, keeping the shine in your star from rising…

Technically it is just myself that I’m fighting…but it really is more than that. I don’t mean to keep myself down, but am I unintentionally doing this? I think that lately I just feel really down, almost depressed. I feel like nothing is going right these days, like I can’t get anything to go my way. This has been one of the hardest semesters of my life, just with all the complications and basically just transitioning into becoming an almost full functioning adult. I’m just tired of fighting the same battles all the time and tired of having the same conversations over and over and overrrrrrr.

….Gotta light it back up, gotta get back up.

But just like these young girls clearly say, you’ve just got to get back up, have to pick yourself back up off the ground and keep going. Keep fighting. Eventually something has to go in my favor, right? It’ll get better….I think. (:

Be gentle with yourself, you're doing the best you can.

You were the girl with the blazing heart on fire ❤

Two Roads Diverged

What do you say to someone who lives a constant battle? Best wishes? You’re doing great?  I don’t know. I don’t know anymore. I don’t know what I’m supposed to do anymore. As school piles on (thanks a lot 18 hours) I find myself not having as much time to workout, and that……is a big problem in my world. I can’t remember the last time I worked out consecutively for a week. That’s really difficult. I don’t know how to handle it. I can’t remember the last time I ate fast food either. (Not that it seems to be making that much of a difference).  I can’t remember the last time I ate a meal that wasn’t a Quest bar or a Special K bar. (Not that it seems to have a big impact). I find myself wondering if I can remember a time in my life where I felt it was okay to eat. A time where I wasn’t plagued with anxiety about what my next meal was, my snack, or if someone was going to ask me to eat with them and I’d have to refuse because I can’t handle it. I find myself trying to recall a time lately where I didn’t feel completely guilt ridden for feeling hungry or for actually eating a lunch that wasn’t a bar (Even a sandwich is difficult apparently). I can’t remember the last time where I feel like I might even be sort of pretty that day. I have a million thoughts that I can write on paper, but for the life of me, I can’t remember half of them as I start writing.

I’ve heard a lot of songs lately that remind me of myself or something that could represent me. But one of my favorite was “Fly” by Maddie and Tae.

“So keep on climbing, though the ground might shake…”

To me, this song is about fighting for what you want even though you may not get it, and it’s the most absolutely terrifying thing.

Maddie & Tae fly lyrics.

The issue for me is…..I don’t wanna keep doing this. I don’t wanna keep feeling like this. I literally do not want to keep fighting. I’m so tired. Why am I going to keep doing this if:

A. What I’m doing, the “eating good” the “working out” isn’t making a noticeable difference

OR

B. Changing what I’m doing doesn’t make me feel any better.

Two Roads Diverged in a Wood - great quote for the littles to hear growing up. Be different, don't walk with the world!

Two roads diverged, literally. Which path are you supposed to take when neither seem to be working. Which path brings you happiness or at least the least amount of pain? What am I supposed to do now? Curl up on the floor? That really sounds like a great plan right now.

No Kick From The Trigger

Bang, bang, rollin’ off your tongue. 

When the enemy attacks you in moments of weakness the LORD will rescue you. He will bring you into a safe place and He will deliver you because He takes delight in you who love and obey Him.  Amen

Inferior. It’s not a nice word or a pretty word or a pleasant feeling. But we’ve all felt it at some time. Lately, I think I’ve been feeling that for numerous reasons:

  • school because I don’t “have time” to read 25-50+ pages PLUS go to class
  • because I’m not working and going to college at the same time
  • because I’m not as pretty/insert thing here as someone else
  • because I’m considering getting married before my fiance and I have been engaged for an entire year
  • and sometimes, because I’m kind of afraid of the future

I’m sick and tired of that.

Words are literally like bullets shooting out of a gun. Once you pull that trigger, even the slightest bit, you set off a huge chain of events. That “bullet” leaves the barrel and immediately starts charging down its course to rip into a person. It slices the air into thin slivers and almost as easily as it left the gun, penetrates it’s victim. Straight to the heart or the head is the most lethal. The “bullet” is just as painful as words can be. I promise you. Once the bullet leaves the chamber, it is completely out in the open, out of your hands and there’s no way to take it back. No rewind button whatsoever. You can’t pull it back in and make it disappear. Just like words leave a mouth, bullets charge away.

I wish words were like little toy guns. 

Carrie Underwood - Little toy Guns love it!!

Wish they didn’t break you inside.

But that’s the strangest thing about words. They do hurt. They do cause pain. Maybe the worst type of pain. So, what are you doing with your words? Do you use them as weapons to cut and slay and manipulate others, or do you use them in the best way you can? Are you trying to remember that anything you say can actually hurt someone? I think that we have to remember that words and both magical and harmful. Let’s use those to be positive : )

I don’t wanna feel inferior about not working or wanting to get married before a year has passed. The negative feelings about beauty will take time, but I can change the others now. I’m not working because I take 18 hours….that’s hard for me. Going to school is hard for me…handling this ed, that’s hard for me…and both together are difficult. But I’m going to do it….I’m going to make it.

true!

Girl Crush

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=l0TxUL_5Gl0

Here this goes.

So, something that has become popular in today’s society is “women crushes”/ “girl crushes” etc. It’s done by both men and women. Whether it’s men who find these women insanely attractive or women who just acknowledge the fact that this famous women is pretty, I assure you, it’s a real thing. I mean, there are whole Pinterest boards devoted to this subject.

I even have some of my own: Emma Watson, Emma Stone (okay, any woman named Emma apparently), Leighton Meester, Taylor Swift, Shailene Woodley, Amiee Teegarden, I’m positive there are others but this is ALL beside the point.

How to get Blair Waldorf's Hair and Makeup Look.

Amiee Teegarden! Such an inspiration. Great body, great quote! (Wish FNL hadn't ended!)Shailene Woodley is so inspiring. She picks you up when your down, and she is beautiful. She inspired me to maybe be an actress when I grow up! Shes sooo amzing and down to earth definitely #WCW Wednesday

My point is, I think that I have a “girl crush” on a figment of my imagination. I think that I have created an ideal image of what I am supposed to look like. I think I’ve somehow meshed and mashed all these women together and then morphed them into something that I think that I want to be. The other option is that I’ve taken myself, grown about 2 1/2 to 3 inches, grown my hair and changed pretty much how my body functions altogether.

“I want her long blonde hair, I want her magic touch.”

I was in my car the other day and that Little Big Town song came on and I suddenly related to about have the things they were singing about in that song in a completely different manner than how they meant. I realized that I want everything that this fictional and completely imagined “Kairos” has. What she smells like, her hair, her clothes, the way she smiles and laughs, her friends, carefree attitude, and whoever in the world is wanting her in this song (insert laugh track here). 

“I got it real bad, want everything she has.”

“I don’t get no sleep, I don’t get no peace,

thinking about her.”

That’s the line where I realize, you can’t be constantly trying to make a “better” you. I’ve got to be happy with the person that God created me to be, whatever she may look like. I know that it’s a hard concept to fully accept who you are, but I will never find peace if I don’t start at least trying to be happy with myself. 

Haters Gonna Hate

I have a few things I’ve been thinking about lately but just haven’t had the time to get on here.

  1. Miranda Lambert’s weight loss
  2. Taylor Swift new cd

Miranda Lambert - Platinum  You can download it legally and for free from Freegal. http://eodls.freegalmusic.com/ #libraryfreespot

Now y’all, please, please, PLEASE don’t take what I am about to say the wrong way. I love Miranda Lambert, I do. However, in my opinion, she’s sold out. I mean, sure I guess she’s still the same old Miranda, (like I know her right?) But, speaking as someone who has eating/weight issues I feel like I have a different perspective on her weight loss. Not that she doesn’t look spectacular, but I can’t help but think she looks like a bobble head. There is a huge difference between losing weight and losing too much weight-take it from someone who knows- and I feel as if she’s in the “too much” category. I’m not going to deny her the privilege of losing weight, if she wanted to that’s her own prerogative! I think she’s happy with her end product and is proud of her accomplish, as she should be! People are going to love her regardless of whether she’s a size 4 or a size 8 or 10 or whatever. I just feel like she took it too far. But like I said, speaking as someone who constantly evaluates other’s weight appearance- I TOTALLY TOTALLY do not do that on purpose, it just happens- I just feel like it’s too much weight lost. Miranda is absolutely gorgeous, the way she was BEFORE and the way she is NOW. I’m definitely not saying she needs to change. I know there’s an extreme amount of pressure once you are in the spotlight and people are constantly picking and criticizing what you look like. I’m still going to like her and I’m still going to listen to the music she makes because I firmly believe that a person is not solely what they look like, but the type of individual they are on the inside. Okay…mini rant over.

Love this!

miranda lambert before and after weight loss

NEXT!!! Taylor Swift’s new CD, 1989 comes out in 2 WHOLE WEEKS!!!!!!!!! Everyone please brace yourself for many Taylor related posts, songs and well….my slight obsession with her. Don’t hate me.

Oh wait…”hater’s gonna hate hate hate..but I’m just gonna shake shake shake.”

Shake it off - Taylor Swift

P.S. I’m currently listening to a potential one.

Fighting Dragons With You

  • REVOLUTION
  • VARIATION
  • INNOVATION
  • SHIFT
  • ADJUSTMENT
  • MODIFICATION
  • REMODEL
  • METAMORPHOSIS
  • RECONSTRUCTION
  • TRANSFORMATION
  • REFINEMENT

Or simply put, change.


Sweeter Than Fiction

It was recently pointed out to me the other day that I’m pretty open about my eating disorder.  I’m gonna go ahead and assume that it’s a positive comment. It got me thinking, I didn’t used to be that way. In the very beginning I was really reserved. Literally, only family and 2 maybe 3 people outside of that knew what I was going through. Even when I first started my blog I hadn’t posted it on my own personal social media so that people who even kind of knew me could see what I think and feel. Even in early/middle of October I still hadn’t really let on to many people that I was going through this terrible time in my life. However, it was around that time that I decided that I wanted to speak to the youth about my personal struggle and how you have to be careful about what you say to others. But there is a reason I’m open now. I know that I always wished for someone to help me while I was going through this. If I can help someone, help them understand, by simply putting it out there how I feel, how I think and it would impact them in a positive way, why wouldn’t I do that?

Anyways, this morning I was jamming out to some old school T-Swift when Change came on my radio. You should’ve seen me in the car. I’m pretty sure I was doing some entertaining dancing. I don’t even care! In the moment, all I’m experiencing what it felt like for 3 minutes to be free. Literally all I thought about when that song was playing was me and my recovery and how you have to fight to get through it. You literally have to fight tooth and nail, use your fingernails and claw and crawl your way to the top.

“We’re faster and never scared”

Recovery is a really scary and serious process. You already feel a whirlwind of emotions constantly, and sitting in therapy only brings the nasty and negative thoughts to the surface. When I started out, I wasn’t sure I wanted to do this. I wasn’t sure I wanted to be “The Kairos without the eating disorder”. I didn’t want to be better. I was absolutely terrified, and rightfully so. I was afraid to find out who I was without my eating disorder or without it constantly breathing down my neck and over analyzing my every waking move. I had this giant misconception though. I was under the impression that once you enter recovery the eating disorder, negative thoughts and self loathing magically disappear and you become a totally new person. Wrong. So Wrong. I don’t believe that for a second. Yes, you do change, but not the the way I was originally thinking. I’m still the same person. I still have some negative thoughts, they just aren’t as dark or frequent. That’s always going to be a major part of me. It doesn’t erase or become invisible, which is something I thought was going to happen.  My eating disorder will always be a part of my life history and why I do some of things I do, but I don’t have to be chained to being “The girl with the eating disorder”. 

There comes a point where things ‘change’.

There comes a point where ‘the walls they put up fall down’.

There comes a point where coming into the slightest, tiniest bit of recovery makes you a ‘champion tonight’.

- Taylor Swift

You Don’t Have To Try So Hard

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SnKodtLnqLQ

 

try- colbie caillatI don’t have a whole bunch to say about this song, considering it easily speaks for itself. The only reason I picked the Danielle Bradbery version over the original Colbie Caillat track is because I’m just a gigantic Danielle fan and I just love her voice. The actual Colbie Caillat video is actually pretty amazing too.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GXoZLPSw8U8

danielle bradbery : my role model!

Danielle Bradbery - Baltimore Orioles v Houston Astros


I had never heard heard of this song until just the other day. I immediately knew that it was a song for people just like me going through the same things I’m going through. It’s just a song about trying to fit it and pushing yourself to your absolute limit just to attempt at being accepted. But what she’s saying is what we all need to realize, that people that truly love you, should accept you for exactly who you are; without the makeup, without the perfectly placed hair and without the endless hardcore workouts. You don’t have to try so hard…you don’t have to try, try, try.

“Look into the mirror, at yourself,

Don’t you like you?

Cause I like you.”

 

Lover, Crier, Fighter, Riser

The first time I ever heard the song Riser by Dierks Bentley I knew it was immediately meant for me. It was meant to give me inspiration, hope and the courage to pursue what I wanted. Special, really special. It talks about being someone who risers against all odds, through the difficult times, through all of the doubters, disbelief and constant lies that tell you your dream is not achievable.

I’m a riser.

I’m a riser
I’m a get up off the ground, don’t run and hider
Pushing comes a-shovin’
Hey I’m a fighter
When darkness comes to town, I’m a lighter

I think that you have to be your own hero, your own riser. That’s not to say that you shouldn’t find someone else that can be a riser for you as well. Because I sincerely believe that everyone needs another person to lean on. No matter how much you try, how much you wish, or how much everyone says you just need yourself, a support system is necessary. You need someone else to lift you up and say you can do it because there are going to be those days where you just cannot do it alone.

I’m a fighter.

Lay your pretty head down on my shoulder
You don’t have to worry anymore
This old world is cold and getting colder
And I know how to lock and bolt the door

I’m strong enough to hold you through the winter
Mean enough to stare your demons down

This song makes me cry when I listen to it.  I can probably turn just about any song I listen to into a song about me and my ed. But honestly, it didn’t take much effort with this one. It grabs a hold of my heart, grips it from the very first words to the uttering of the last and simply makes me feel like it gets me. It gets what I’m experiencing  and it 100% understands how I feel. And I think that the song is says that it’s okay for me to rely on other people to help me sometimes. It’s telling me that sometimes you simply can’t do it on your own.

Bottom line is, this song is really important to me and teaches me a lesson of sorts. No matter what ed and the world are throwing at me, I have to keep doing this, I have to keep being a fighter, I have to keep being a riser.