Tag Archives: girls

Halloween Is…..SOOOO Fun (Eye Roll)

So, that “Bad Day” song that used to come on the radio all the time? Yeah, it should really come one more often. On second thought, I really don’t like that song. It’s something about the way it sounds. Anyways, it would’ve been a perfect theme song to this week. To add on to that thought, it’s Halloween. Just my all-time favorite day (sarcasm at it’s finest, yes.) I wasn’t bothered this morning or at all really literally up until about 10 minutes ago.

Eating disorders quote: You Can't Weigh Beauty.   www.HealthyPlace.com

I’ve seen girls half dressed before, I mean it shouldn’t really be a big deal. It just happens to be when certain people show up on your Instagram or you know, any other place. I see these picture of these girls and they just look better than you and suddenly you’re sucked into the vortex of everything you need to fix and change and do better than what they are doing or…..I’m getting carried away so I’m not even sure what I’m supposed to say at this point. The train of thought has been derailed. But crying is a definite possibility right now. I just don’t even know. I just feel……….weird. I just haven’t felt bad like that in a little while. I mean, if you ever wanted to feel bad about yourself, apparently today is that day.

Little Mermaid - Homemade Halloween Costume for Adolescents/Adults. Too cute, wish I had more time to do this!

Being hotter than actual Disney princesses. TSM.

I mean, whatever happened to dressing like this:

Work Appropriate Halloween Costumes You know, with all your clothes on?

Now I remember however, aside from the scary movies and scary costumes and people acting ridiculous I remember why I hate this day. Thanks girls. (Not that it’s even y’all’s fault. Haha.)

I know places

Fighting Dragons With You


Or simply put, change.

Sweeter Than Fiction

It was recently pointed out to me the other day that I’m pretty open about my eating disorder.  I’m gonna go ahead and assume that it’s a positive comment. It got me thinking, I didn’t used to be that way. In the very beginning I was really reserved. Literally, only family and 2 maybe 3 people outside of that knew what I was going through. Even when I first started my blog I hadn’t posted it on my own personal social media so that people who even kind of knew me could see what I think and feel. Even in early/middle of October I still hadn’t really let on to many people that I was going through this terrible time in my life. However, it was around that time that I decided that I wanted to speak to the youth about my personal struggle and how you have to be careful about what you say to others. But there is a reason I’m open now. I know that I always wished for someone to help me while I was going through this. If I can help someone, help them understand, by simply putting it out there how I feel, how I think and it would impact them in a positive way, why wouldn’t I do that?

Anyways, this morning I was jamming out to some old school T-Swift when Change came on my radio. You should’ve seen me in the car. I’m pretty sure I was doing some entertaining dancing. I don’t even care! In the moment, all I’m experiencing what it felt like for 3 minutes to be free. Literally all I thought about when that song was playing was me and my recovery and how you have to fight to get through it. You literally have to fight tooth and nail, use your fingernails and claw and crawl your way to the top.

“We’re faster and never scared”

Recovery is a really scary and serious process. You already feel a whirlwind of emotions constantly, and sitting in therapy only brings the nasty and negative thoughts to the surface. When I started out, I wasn’t sure I wanted to do this. I wasn’t sure I wanted to be “The Kairos without the eating disorder”. I didn’t want to be better. I was absolutely terrified, and rightfully so. I was afraid to find out who I was without my eating disorder or without it constantly breathing down my neck and over analyzing my every waking move. I had this giant misconception though. I was under the impression that once you enter recovery the eating disorder, negative thoughts and self loathing magically disappear and you become a totally new person. Wrong. So Wrong. I don’t believe that for a second. Yes, you do change, but not the the way I was originally thinking. I’m still the same person. I still have some negative thoughts, they just aren’t as dark or frequent. That’s always going to be a major part of me. It doesn’t erase or become invisible, which is something I thought was going to happen.  My eating disorder will always be a part of my life history and why I do some of things I do, but I don’t have to be chained to being “The girl with the eating disorder”. 

There comes a point where things ‘change’.

There comes a point where ‘the walls they put up fall down’.

There comes a point where coming into the slightest, tiniest bit of recovery makes you a ‘champion tonight’.

- Taylor Swift

Flawed People


I was reading this the other day after it was sent to me. I’ve read something similar to this before but I can’t exactly remember it. Anyways, I was reading this and tears started to build up in my eyes (if you haven’t caught on by now, I’m a pretty big crier). I’ve read before that men don’t see your body they way that you do at all. They only see the parts that make you “unique” and “you”. Is that true? Like do men really think that or is that just something people say to self conscious women to make them feel better and shut up about their insecurities? Or do people really think that way? Because if they do, that might make me feel a thousand times better.

There is no such thing as perfect and you should strive to develop an attitude of gratitude to make all those around you feel loved.

I think that I just wished that we lived in the world where people-both women and men alike-didn’t have to constantly live in comparison to other people. I know that I personally compare myself to other women all the time. And I know that’s dumb and you shouldn’t keep doing that because ‘you’re only hurting yourself’. I can’t help it though. It just seems to keep coming back and keep playing over and over again. …….yay……

Back to my point though, this article enlightened me. Whether this has any truth to it or not, it made me feel better for 5 whole minutes.

"Riser" -Dierks Bentley

Show You Off

I think that I have stumbled upon my new favorite person. Miss Indiana 2014: Mekayla Diehl. Mekayla is a 25 year old who recently competed in the Miss USA pageant. Even though she didn’t win the crown, she’s a winner in my heart.

Normally, when you watch beauty pagents, the women are up there in their bathing suits and are usually super slim, have skinnier legs, sometimes have much muscle tone but more often times than not, don’t depict a “normal” body image or the “normal” American woman.

Miss Alabama 2013 Mary Margret McCord

What I thought was really cool was that Mekayla wasn’t trying to be as tiny as possible, not eating like a normal person and depriving herself of things she really wanted just to be deemed beautiful at the contest or in regular life. And it worked! Nobody is frowning upon her for her physique! She looks fantastic! She doesn’t need to be skinny as a rail, and have abs that pop out all over the place for all of America to think she looks pretty. I find that inspiring not only to be but to girls everywhere.

Not that some women aren’t just naturally thin, and have great muscle tone, visible abs and model features because there are. But I love that Mekayla was able to be in this Miss USA contest or win the title of Miss Indiana, because it shows all of us that everyone can be beautiful. It’s not just the slender women that can participate in these contest and have all of America fawning over them. I think that it’s inspiring to young teen girls, little girls and women as a whole. It shows little girls that just because they look different doesn’t mean they have to give up on their dreams and older girls that sometimes being different sets you apart.

Bottom line, Mekayla Diehl has a special place in my heart <3.

Miss Indiana USA 2014

Ever Changing Size Chart

Is anyone else left scratching their head when it comes to clothing sizes or is it just me? When your mother was younger did it seem like it was more common for more slender women to wear larger clothing sizes. Not everyone was a size 0, 2 or 4 then. It was normal for women to wear a size 8 and still be considered on the lower end of the weight charts. So, I decided to do a little research to figure out what’s going on with this mystery sizing.


Apparently in 1983, the United States Department of Commerce chose to uniform sizing system because the current one didn’t reflect the new sizes of people. If you take a look at the sizes and average size of women from years back are dramatically different. About 50 years ago, the average American woman was about 5’4” with a waist size of 24-25” and weighed around 120 pounds actually worse a size 8! But in today’s society, the average woman is 5’4”, weighs 140-150 pounds, has a waist of 34-35” and wears a size 12-14. What??? 

Since vanity is so important  in today’s time, from models to movie stars, in order to change to fit the mold the designers have changed the sizes so that sizes that are actually larger are marked as smaller! So, therefore, what was a size 8 in 1950, is currently a size 4  or smaller in today’s system. I don’t know if that startles anyone else, but it freaks me out a little and make me wonder why that was really necessary. Why did the whole sizing system need to change? Was being a size 0 really that important? Let’s just think about the fact that what used to be a size 8, is not a size 4. Size 8=Size 4. Arrggg, bleh, what?! I can’t even piece that together in my mind or make that connection to the sizes.  This just really frustrates me.

Audrey Hepburn and Grace Kelly share some words backstage at the 28th Annual Academy Awards, 1956.

Grace Kelly & Audrey Hepburn 1956

Marilyn Monroe - Oscars Most Breath Taking Gowns

Marilyn Monroe

Favorite Actress: Kate Winslet    Beautiful, Beyond-Talented, Real to the Core. Titanic, Revolutionary Road, The Reader, Little Children, Mildred Pierce, Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind...she makes any movie worth seeing!

Kate Winslet

Whitney Thompson

Whitney Thompson

Opinions Aren’t Facts

GOD didn't add another day in your life because you needed it, He added it because someone out there needs you.

So I’ve been home pretty much all day. I went to class this morning but I just had a test so finally my spring break has started. I’ve had plenty of time today to just think.  I know I posted this morning, but I’ve been thinking about one topic in particular all day: the walls we put up as people. I have a few walls, in which I will describe, but first, the more important thing is the reason I have these walls or why other people put up walls as well.

My first wall is built to keep people’s opinions from hurting me; this is where Ed plays his iconic role. For a very long time now, I’ve worried about what people say to me and think about me. In a sense, I “created” Ed for that. I “created” him so I wouldn’t have to worry what people said because Ed was my voice of reason. Ed was there at the end of the day to judge and scrutinize my progress. He was there to pinpoint out all of my flaws, when I ate too much and what beauty level I was. I wouldn’t have to worry about what my friends, family, strangers or the world’s opinion of me, I had Ed for that. To shield myself from possible hurtful views of others, I created something almost worse, Ed.

I honestly don't care what anyone says or thinks about me, more people need to not care either and quit trying to fit in be yourself

The second wall is just about me. I built it in order to keep others out. I need to guard my heart because people have a tendency to stomp all over it with their dusty boots. I’ve always been the girl on the outside of everything. I don’t remember a time in middle school where I fit in. My group of friends was always planning and doing things without me. Therefore, I kind of felt insignificant and like I wasn’t worth their time. There’s not really a time in my life where I really remember being someone’s actual best friend. I was always just another friend it felt like. These girls usually had sisters so they were automatically closer, or I really was just another friend. It always felt like I didn’t belong. Then there has been my relationship history. Somehow, I seem to get into something where I give my whole, entire heart and everything I have into a relationship and I have someone who doesn’t always return those same actions. Now, these boys weren’t awful, just maybe a bit neglecting at the time. It almost always seemed though, that I gave it all I had and they really didn’t. I got tired of sitting alone, tired of waiting for the phone to ring, and tired of being forgotten. I suddenly went into rooms and accepted that nobody would probably talk to me. I let it be okay with myself that I went to a movie theater by myself and watched a movie. I learned to have fun with myself. But it was isolating and still a little painful.

I thought I needed these walls. I thought they kept me safe from the outside world. I thought they kept me from being let down. I became too accustomed to loneliness and being left out.

Those weren’t good feelings or good walls. I’m in the process of breaking down the second wall right now. I’ve made a friend while in some of my college classes. We’re similar and we have the same aspirations at school. We’re relate-able to each other and I think this is a really good thing for me. I’m pretty thankful for what God is doing in my life right now.

Granger smith- I am the midnight

Sometimes the bad things that happen in our lives put us directly on the path to the best things that will ever happen to us.

Celebrate Every Body

“If your thighs touch, you’re living life wrong.”

“You just aren’t skinny enough if you don’t have the gap.”


Blah, blah, blah…basically, you’re stupid and overweight (well according to these self proclaimed “experts”.) If you haven’t achieved this gap, you are basically inferior to all other girls who have. (Riiiight.  NOT!) I don’t believe that for one second because a thigh gap is virtually impossible to achieve. I’m pretty sure your thighs are suppose to touch. But then again, I’m an expert on nothing.

So, what is the thigh gap you ask?

THIGH GAP: It appears in women and girls who are very thin while also having very thin thighs.

This phenomenon is absolutely fine, of you just came by it naturally. However, lately it has become a body obsession epidemic because it’s being promoted as healthy and pretty. The issue is, that this gap isn’t achievable for all  women. Women with a different bone structure or genetic makeup aren’t going to be able to have one. If a girl has narrow hips or muscle definition they will also not be able to obtain this new found obsession. That doesn’t stop any pages like on twitter, tumblr, blogs or any other social media sight from promoting the potentially harmful idea.

Many of the pro-ana blogs or social media pages promote not eating at all, or cutting certain foods out of diets, or just odd food rituals all together. What this thigh gap phenomenon is teaching and promoting to girls is that, you aren’t prefect exactly how you are and that you need to change yourself in order to be deemed pretty or have the love and affection of someone else. These type of thoughts are potentially harmful because it puts girls on the path the negative body image, unhappiness or even eating disorders because it says no matter what you have to do to be as skinny as possible, do it.

I mean, no wonder to many girls (guys as well), have body image issues. There are so many diet promotions or air brushed images all over magazine covers;  even restaurants are starting to have a hand in this. First let’s take the old, tired out Victoria’s Secret magazine. They display women in their bras, underwear, swimsuits and pajamas and usually these women are airbrushed or “fixed” in some manner. There was just a controversy over this involving Jennifer Lawrence. Almost everything about her is changed when it didn’t need to be altered at all because J-Law is BEAUTIFUL!


Lastly, let’s take my personal favorite restaurant (GIANT joke. I’m totally kidding. Not serious at all.) Twin Peaks. No wonder so many girls have body image issues. Now I’m not knocking the ladies that work there!! Those are all respectable women and if they are comfortable working there, that’s perfectly fine! But personally, I feel that restaurants that require that type of uniform are sending a message that you have to fit this certain body type in order to be desirable and sell meals. And maybe that isn’t the case, but I think there is a lot of pressure on girls to want to be able to fit into that sort of outfit and rock it.

Basketball Web Image

I personally believe that we need to be teaching girls that no matter how skinny they are or how small their thighs are that it doesn’t define them! We are so much more than our bodies. We are our personalities, our minds, our hearts, our sense of humor and our work ethic. Nobody can put a diet on those things. And really, those type of things make you who you truly are.

I Wanna See You Be Brave

Yesterday morning as we picked my brother up from Sunday School, he began to explain how the girls in the class were basically putting each other down and calling other girls fat. When I heard this, I basically flew off the handle! How could young girls just stand there and call another girl fat? SERIOUSLY. What’s their problem? I just don’t understand what makes another person want to tear someone else down in order to build themselves up. Does that make them feel better? 

It literally breaks my heart to have to hear this coming from other people. Because honestly, I never, ever want anyone else to feel the way I do. The mind is a terrible place to be.I also don’t understand when your outside appearance became of higher value rather than the type of person you are on the inside. I know, that sounds completely cliche, but its the truth. I know, I know, this is the pot calling the kettle black……

This just really had my blood boiling yesterday morning and I could just feel my heart ache for these young girls. I just wanted to sit down and tell them that who you are is NOT solely what you look like. 


“It’s not enough to be pretty out here [the face], you have to be pretty in here too [the heart]. -Loop, Bright Eyes