Tag Archives: help

Link Love: Channeling Love Today

There’s another blogger I follow, her name is Julia and her blog is called Lord Still Loves Me.

http://www.lord-still-loves-me.com/

 She’s pretty cute and inspirational 🙂 She usually does a “Link Love” blog each week where she links to articles, quizzes, fun things, and interesting finds all across the World Wide Web. I’ve found myself coming across many good finds/reads this week so I’m going to follow suit.

This is her link to her Link Love this week: http://www.lord-still-loves-me.com/link-love-february-6th-2016/#more-5182

Health:

Food and Fitness: The Case for Letting Go of Extremism- Jennifer Rollin

Pretty much a hit home with me.

http://www.huffingtonpost.com/jennifer-rollin/food-and-fitness-the-case_b_9106092.html

Things That Make You Think:

7 Things I’d Rather Be Than Hot- Grace Valentine

This just goes along with today’s society and thinking about how people are more than just what they look like.

http://theodysseyonline.com/baylor/7-things-rather-hot/168793

66 Things To Be Grateful For, Big and Small- Sierra Horton

YES! Your pets, heating, coffee (or Coke if you are me), #48, #59, and #65

http://www.popsugar.com/smart-living/Things-Grateful-36053829

Books I Want To Read:

You’re Already Amazing- Holley Gerth

Furiously Happy: A Funny Book About Horrible Things- Jenny Lawson

Fun Stuff/Quizzes: My fun things are pretty much all in the spirit of the upcoming Valentine’s Day 🙂 ❤ I’m not really a super fan of Valentine’s Day, but I love the concept of it. (It’s super mushy gushy, and I don’t totally buy into the whole ‘buy me expensive jewelry, flowers and post allllll over social media that you love me. But it’s still a cute day in theory)

Can We Guess Your Favorite Holiday With Questions About Food? Buzzfeed I  got Halloween. They are definitely wrong!!!!

http://www.buzzfeed.com/sjufmkjgjesj/we-know-your-favorite-holiday-based-on-your-food-c-1xu0n

Which Disney Prince Should Be Your Valentine? Buzzfeed I got Prince Eric. Ehh, I’m more of a Prince Phillip kind of girl.

http://www.buzzfeed.com/jonmichaelpoff/which-disney-prince-should-be-your-valentine#.vsL5ZDGX7

8 Pun-tastic & Printable Valentine’s Day Cards! One Good Thing! By Jillee http://www.onegoodthingbyjillee.com/2015/02/8-pun-tastic-printable-valentines-day-cards.html

Hope your week is filled with love,

XOXO ❤

 

 

 

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Fighting Dragons With You

  • REVOLUTION
  • VARIATION
  • INNOVATION
  • SHIFT
  • ADJUSTMENT
  • MODIFICATION
  • REMODEL
  • METAMORPHOSIS
  • RECONSTRUCTION
  • TRANSFORMATION
  • REFINEMENT

Or simply put, change.


Sweeter Than Fiction

It was recently pointed out to me the other day that I’m pretty open about my eating disorder.  I’m gonna go ahead and assume that it’s a positive comment. It got me thinking, I didn’t used to be that way. In the very beginning I was really reserved. Literally, only family and 2 maybe 3 people outside of that knew what I was going through. Even when I first started my blog I hadn’t posted it on my own personal social media so that people who even kind of knew me could see what I think and feel. Even in early/middle of October I still hadn’t really let on to many people that I was going through this terrible time in my life. However, it was around that time that I decided that I wanted to speak to the youth about my personal struggle and how you have to be careful about what you say to others. But there is a reason I’m open now. I know that I always wished for someone to help me while I was going through this. If I can help someone, help them understand, by simply putting it out there how I feel, how I think and it would impact them in a positive way, why wouldn’t I do that?

Anyways, this morning I was jamming out to some old school T-Swift when Change came on my radio. You should’ve seen me in the car. I’m pretty sure I was doing some entertaining dancing. I don’t even care! In the moment, all I’m experiencing what it felt like for 3 minutes to be free. Literally all I thought about when that song was playing was me and my recovery and how you have to fight to get through it. You literally have to fight tooth and nail, use your fingernails and claw and crawl your way to the top.

“We’re faster and never scared”

Recovery is a really scary and serious process. You already feel a whirlwind of emotions constantly, and sitting in therapy only brings the nasty and negative thoughts to the surface. When I started out, I wasn’t sure I wanted to do this. I wasn’t sure I wanted to be “The Kairos without the eating disorder”. I didn’t want to be better. I was absolutely terrified, and rightfully so. I was afraid to find out who I was without my eating disorder or without it constantly breathing down my neck and over analyzing my every waking move. I had this giant misconception though. I was under the impression that once you enter recovery the eating disorder, negative thoughts and self loathing magically disappear and you become a totally new person. Wrong. So Wrong. I don’t believe that for a second. Yes, you do change, but not the the way I was originally thinking. I’m still the same person. I still have some negative thoughts, they just aren’t as dark or frequent. That’s always going to be a major part of me. It doesn’t erase or become invisible, which is something I thought was going to happen.  My eating disorder will always be a part of my life history and why I do some of things I do, but I don’t have to be chained to being “The girl with the eating disorder”. 

There comes a point where things ‘change’.

There comes a point where ‘the walls they put up fall down’.

There comes a point where coming into the slightest, tiniest bit of recovery makes you a ‘champion tonight’.

- Taylor Swift

But I’m Just Gonna Shake It

I’ve been doing alot of thinking these past 2 weeks. I’ve spent alot of time doing well….nothing. I’ve had a break from my summer semesters of college just before I had to go back and do it all over again for the fall semester. I’ve had a little time to relax. Anywhoooo.

Since the new fall semester starts tomorrow, I decided I would make myself sit down and write this. I’ve been thinking alot about my ed. I think that I’ve made quite a bit of progress over the summer. That’s not to say that I continuously have bad days, because I do and I will still continue to. But it’s gotten alot better. These panic attacks of sorts seem to come less frequently and I’ve much better at being able to tell myself that people have bad days and that I can try again and “look” better tomorrow. It’s like I was telling my boyfriend the other night, I’m proud of myself. I’m just now starting to feel okay about myself. I’m not gonna say that I feel good about myself yet, but I’ll get there.

I’m taking a page out of the Taylor Swift book once again. I’ve got her new song currently on repeat (just go ahead and picture me jumping and dancing awkwardly around in my room and singing as loudly as I can in my car). But, this semester, I have two goals:

1. Try and learn to “Shake It Off”. Thanks T-Swizzle 😉

2. Try and get a 4.0 with my 18 hours of classes that I’m taking.

Be Happy. Be You.

http://www.huffingtonpost.com/temimah-zucker/postive-body-image_b_5572909.html

Comparison is the thief of joy. — Theodore Roosevelt *Let go of comparing yourself to moms on Facebook & Pinterest! XO

I know that I’ve been thinking and talking to a lot of people lately about thinking before we speak. I ran across this article the other day that was talking about just that plus some more wonderful and insightful things that I hadn’t really thought of before.

Humans are like flowers in a garden. Some compete for the sunlight others just make do & ... blooms

In today’s world, most people (women predominately) are constantly on a diet of some type. Now I’m going to be talking more about women in this post as opposed to men, HOWEVER I am VERY aware that men have just as difficult as a time with body image and eating disorder as women. With that being said, I’ve seen so many people, and heard as well, people being praised and upheld for “being good” and staying on track with their diet. By not eating a cupcake, cheese, or a milk less than 2%, these “we” are praised for being “healthy”. But are we really considered healthy if we are constantly miserable or constantly striving for perfection or constantly trying to be something other than what we are.? We are constantly comparing ourselves to others. Constantly!!!! Are we really considered healthy if we do not allow ourselves to enjoy all wonderful things that life has to offer including all types of food and NOT exercising every single day? We are never satisfied with the body we have. I don’t even think that’s entirely our fault.

Be blessed with what God has given you. Because there is someone out there that would love what you take for-granted....

The media has changed images so many times it hard to keep track of. They also feed us over and over again that we need to be “toned” “tan” “eating less” or “insert latest healthy phrase here”. Then they slap some toned and beautiful model on front of the magazine cover so that we can wish and criticize ourselves over how we do not or will not ever look that way.

And another point, when are we going to let women enjoy themselves? And stop looking down on them if they ate a cookie or didn’t count all their calories in the day. What would even happen if we didn’t pay attention and didn’t count how many calories we consumed in the day??? What?? Nothing!!!!!! That’s right! When do we actually get to enjoy our life? I mean, at what age do we stop to get worrying and stressing over our physical appearance? When do we stop expecting all people to be tan and stop making fun of them if they are anything less than a crisp orange from the tanning bed? When do we stop expecting all men to be perfectly sculpted and muscular? Basically, my point is, when do we stop having unrealistic expectations and start letting people look like people and not perfect little dolls?

Be happy Be Bright Be YOU https://www.facebook.com/pages/kidsdingecom-Origineel-speelgoed-hebbedingen-voor-hippe-kids/160122710686387?ref=hl www.kidsdinge.com

I don’t mean that people shouldn’t workout, should never watch what they eat or anything of the sort. Everything can be fine in moderation. But the key to all of this is happiness. Would you rather be miserable or happy? Do you want to enjoy your life, or constantly feel like you have to work toward and unattainable goal? Ask yourself, is all the dieting, working out, stress, anxiety and worry really worth risking your happiness?

Be so happy that when others look at you they become happy too. Elephants by sevenstar on Etsy

Speak Now

Powerful reminder to THINK before you speak.Think before you speak.  My father's lesson for sure.

Think before you speak. We have all heard those words countless amount of times and we definitely comprehend the meaning. However, the question is here is are we listening to what that phrase really means? Thinking before we speak is more important than we think it is. It’s more than insulting someone’s new outfit, haircut or dating choices. Words have the power to destroy people or build people up. It just all depends on how we choose to use to put these words together to make phrases, sentences and paragraphs.

I know from firsthand just how much words can hurt. The words that someone once said to me when I was a young girl led me to spiral into this darkness that I’m still trying to dig and crawl my way out of. My self esteem was already at a low level and adding that comment into my  repertoire didn’t  help my case any.

I recently had a friend that had the same thing happen to her. My heart hurt for her because I knew exactly how she felt and how much that stung. I seriously wanted to drive over their and punch that person in the face for her! Here again I say, think before you speak please!!!

You can never ever know what another person is going through, what their personal struggles are or how they will take what you say to them, whether it was meant as a joke, sarcastically or in any other manner. My point is, overall, think before you speak. Words are more powerful than you think. They can slice people into tiny pieces, make them cry on the floor or they can make them smile and believe in themselves. Use yours for positive and good experiences and not negative ones. 

speak now prolouge - words of absolute wisdom. thank you taylor swift

Be careful with your words...

Nightmares

I know that I’m not the only person that has ever had a nightmare. Now normally, I’d say that I have a tendency to have some pretty odd, off the wall dreams, but they are hardly ever actually scary. However, for two nights in a row, I had nightmares. Well, for most people they probably wouldn’t be considered a nightmare but for me, these are my literal worst nightmares.

I’ve been having eating disorder nightmares the past couple of nights. I’m not even sure why. They are pretty weird too. One of them I have kind of being chased by a cloth tape measure and the other I had passed out or was about to pass out because I hadn’t eaten enough, or something along those lines.

They weren’t very pleasant dreams, but nevertheless, they happened. Nothing like that has ever happened to me before. It was a very strange experience for me. I was really glad when I woke up the next morning and was very thankful that those were just dreams. I don’t think that I ever want either of those to come true.

Sadly this seems to be my life lately. Tired, no that's not the right term for how I feel, more like FATIGUE. I swear this disease is getting worse. At least a year ago my meds gave me energy and I could do things before I became worn out. FUCK YOU Chronic Inflammatory Demyelinating Polyneuropathy!!!!!!

I’ve been having a rough time lately. But I’m only allowing myself to work out a little at a time and reminding myself that school starts again soon and I can go back in to counseling and that my goal is to be healthy. I don’t need to be a size zero. Because after all, zero is not a size.

The famous '0 is not a size' shirt :) how does she look so gorgeous so dressed down?? #unfair #luvmisssophiabush

Anxiety Jeans

I’m been having quite few bad/off days lately and for a while, I couldn’t put my finger on what was bothering me so much. Well, aside from the fact that I literally have on going battle and a long road to full recovery, I decided that it had to do with this upcoming weekend. Now, don’t laugh when you read this. Pretty please. One word, 5 letters.

PANTS.

This weekend it is my hometowns rodeo, and I usually go, which isn’t that big of a deal. I mean, it’s just a rodeo, what’s the big deal right? And what do pants have to do with anything? Good question, I’m sooo glad you asked. Well, normal people that don’t think about food, body image and how others perceive them every second  don’t even think twice about putting on their clothes. To them putting on their pants is merely another step to getting ready for the day or whatever event they go to. For me though, pants are apart of a very scary thing to me. It scares me to even think about the idea of putting these pants on in 3 days. I have actually purposely been avoiding wearing jeans for months now. I love these jeans that I own, they just put this gigantic shock wave of fear pulsing throughout my body.

Find These At Missme.com And Some Western Stores Near You!

 I feel so incredibly silly saying that I have this fear of my own blue jeans! It sounds goofy. This is a legitimate fear for me though. For me to put these pants on is a huge step. I’m going to do it, so there are no worries there, but it’s going to take a huge amount of effort. I’m going to take control of those jeans, pull them on and show them who is really the boss here. I can do this.

Here’s my final point I want to make. Let’s all remember to think before we speak please. It’s such a true statement that you never truly know what is going through a person’s mind. They could be stressing over their job, their relationship, money, or having thoughts that they simply aren’t good enough to be in those blue jeans they have on. Just remember, everyone is going through something, whether they look like it or not; because not everyone actually looks like they are suffering from an eating disorder.

So very very true. I always try to choose my words so as not to seem like I don't care or that they don't understand. To those fighting your silent battles, be strong :) you will conquer all things!

Flawed People

http://mytinysecrets.com/you-say-flawed-he-says-sexy-what-men-really-think-about-your-body/

I was reading this the other day after it was sent to me. I’ve read something similar to this before but I can’t exactly remember it. Anyways, I was reading this and tears started to build up in my eyes (if you haven’t caught on by now, I’m a pretty big crier). I’ve read before that men don’t see your body they way that you do at all. They only see the parts that make you “unique” and “you”. Is that true? Like do men really think that or is that just something people say to self conscious women to make them feel better and shut up about their insecurities? Or do people really think that way? Because if they do, that might make me feel a thousand times better.

There is no such thing as perfect and you should strive to develop an attitude of gratitude to make all those around you feel loved.

I think that I just wished that we lived in the world where people-both women and men alike-didn’t have to constantly live in comparison to other people. I know that I personally compare myself to other women all the time. And I know that’s dumb and you shouldn’t keep doing that because ‘you’re only hurting yourself’. I can’t help it though. It just seems to keep coming back and keep playing over and over again. …….yay……

Back to my point though, this article enlightened me. Whether this has any truth to it or not, it made me feel better for 5 whole minutes.

"Riser" -Dierks Bentley

Lover, Crier, Fighter, Riser

The first time I ever heard the song Riser by Dierks Bentley I knew it was immediately meant for me. It was meant to give me inspiration, hope and the courage to pursue what I wanted. Special, really special. It talks about being someone who risers against all odds, through the difficult times, through all of the doubters, disbelief and constant lies that tell you your dream is not achievable.

I’m a riser.

I’m a riser
I’m a get up off the ground, don’t run and hider
Pushing comes a-shovin’
Hey I’m a fighter
When darkness comes to town, I’m a lighter

I think that you have to be your own hero, your own riser. That’s not to say that you shouldn’t find someone else that can be a riser for you as well. Because I sincerely believe that everyone needs another person to lean on. No matter how much you try, how much you wish, or how much everyone says you just need yourself, a support system is necessary. You need someone else to lift you up and say you can do it because there are going to be those days where you just cannot do it alone.

I’m a fighter.

Lay your pretty head down on my shoulder
You don’t have to worry anymore
This old world is cold and getting colder
And I know how to lock and bolt the door

I’m strong enough to hold you through the winter
Mean enough to stare your demons down

This song makes me cry when I listen to it.  I can probably turn just about any song I listen to into a song about me and my ed. But honestly, it didn’t take much effort with this one. It grabs a hold of my heart, grips it from the very first words to the uttering of the last and simply makes me feel like it gets me. It gets what I’m experiencing  and it 100% understands how I feel. And I think that the song is says that it’s okay for me to rely on other people to help me sometimes. It’s telling me that sometimes you simply can’t do it on your own.

Bottom line is, this song is really important to me and teaches me a lesson of sorts. No matter what ed and the world are throwing at me, I have to keep doing this, I have to keep being a fighter, I have to keep being a riser.

I’m A Trier

 

Love yourself! @brittany valania <3

Have you ever had to restrain yourself from throwing up? Well, actually for me, look it up. I mean, I know how to and all, I just can’t ever make myself actually do it, or perfect that are. Yeah, yeah, “that’s bad for you”, “don’t do that”, “that’s self harm”. Blah, blah,  blah. I’ve heard all of that before. I get it. Thanks so much for contributing to the “love yourself as you are” party.

EDNOS, or 'eating disorder not otherwise specified,' affects 24 million Americans. EDNOS is dangerous, because its unknown to some, and easily overlooked, Those with EDNOS show signs of bulimia and anorexia, where their symptoms are the same, but don't fully meet the full criteria of those disorders.'A lot of people think - just because you don't meet the weight criteria, "Oh, you don't have an eating disorder."' People get caught up in physical appearance which can't reveal the real suffering -

It’s like no matter what I do nothing works. Being around people, eating what they eat, acting like they act, nothing. It just doesn’t work. Wanna help me out here? Like seriously, I literally cannot do this. I recently got…well…in a fight I guess about having this insecurity/eating disorder/craziness going around in my head. I don’t have a handle on this. No matter how much you think I do. When I get oddly quiet for myself, you should probably be concerned. I’m sitting in that chair there thinking about it. I’m sitting next to you on the couch thinking about it. I’m laying in bed at night thinking about it. Thankfully I haven’t dreamed about it. It eats away at me, day after day, night after night, hour after hour. I’d say I need help but I swear that doesn’t even seem to be working. Am I to damaged to help?  Beyond the point of repair? Am I at that point where nobody even cares that it upset me anymore? If there was a magic pill, believe me, I’d take it in a heartbeat. But there isn’t.

Love Yourself First | LOVE YOURSELF FIRST. | via Tumblr | We Heart It

But in my car ride home today, I found myself grasping at the fat at my body, over analyzing my legs thinking about everything I couldn’t eat and every way I could avoid eating. I was with my friends tonight and they always manage to comment on how much I didn’t eat or how I need to eat more. I don’t think they truly comprehend the condition. Then again, I don’t really plan to go into explaining what’s going on in my mind and with my body.

I think that I just have this overwhelming feeling that nobody is going to think I’m pretty. I guess that’s irrational considering there is literally and infinite amount of people with allllllll different body types on this planet. At the end of the day, at least one person will find something beautiful about them. I’ve also heard it said that beauty is only skin deep and it’s really the type of person that you are that makes you truly beautiful. If you’re heart is beautiful then it flows from the inside out and allows you to glow and shine on the outside. That’s the goal here. It’s the ultimate finish line. We’ll get there….eventually.

This is for any recovery... a bad relationship, abuse, violence, eating disorders, etc. Recovery is never easy, but we hope and pray that in the end, we get there, and its worth it in the end.

Words of truth. We can find the way forward if we listen to our hearts and learn to change our thoughts. #inspirational #quote #recovery