Tag Archives: holidays

Fun Friday 8/5

What did I do my last week before I become an officially employed person? I watched way too much Scandal, made cinnamon bread and wished it was fall instead of summer! That’s normal, right???

I’m such a boring person……

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I’d be lying if I said Hobby Lobby wasn’t one of my “happy places”. It definitely is. I love that place. I’m kind of been wishing it was fall these past couple of days and Hobby Lobby didn’t help. Although, I kind of brought the yearning for fall upon myself. I made cinnamon bread the other night and I put a scent in our bathroom wallflower from Bath & Body Works that smells like ‘warm apple pie’. It’s magnificent though! No regrets there!

I had to visit Hobby Lobby to get some new thread for my new cross stitch project. I swear, I don’t know how I don’t have every color. And since they always put out holiday things way too far ahead I got to explore Thanksgiving and Christmas 🙂

20160804_121034I am totally convinced that I’m going to need this little turkey door sign when it actually gets closer to fall. How could you not find him totally adorable?!

I did practice some self control yesterday…because I kind of have a thing for Charlie Brown and the Peanuts gang. They did have some Charlie Brown Christmas theme decor.

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I feel like they are nutcrackers but I’m not positive. How cute though!!!!

Finally, if you like classic Christmas animation, I think you might like these cuties.

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Rudolph and Clarice!! 20160804_122749

If I had a child I would be all over these. I just think they would need them. When I was a kid I had to settle for a Rudolph stuffed animal that only kind of looked like him. Jealous.

I think I just had a little too much fun yesterday exploring Hobby Lobby.

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Mood Ring

So I should have written this post the weekend of the 4th of July…..but I was literally too lazy to take the time to sit down and type. But I am doing it now, so that has to count for something right???

There’s been moments over the past few days (the July 4th weekend), that make me feel like my heart is overflowing. I find myself positively overcome with joy, love and tranquility that can only come from the Lord. Only from there. Because He loves me and us and I have the PRIVILEGE of “feeling” and “experiencing” love. How amazing is that? Soak it in. What a concept! God’s love allows us to live. It allows me to eat something terrifying (aka the peanut butter sandwich I had for lunch). It allowed me to fall in love. In love….there’s another amazing feeling. I can’t even express the pure joy this concept brings me. I can’t even grasp it. But the Lord is amazing, y’all! He allowed me to live in the wonderful country of the United States and He created people that love and are devoted enough to risk their life to protect the country God created and protect the citizens. Those willing participants are so so vital. It reminds me that God is good. Watching the fireworks yesterday while driving reminded me that the Lord provides, loves and protects.  I was in complete awe of that.  When the troubles of the world have you scared, nervous and anxious as it so often does today, remember all of the numerous wonderful things God does.

Marcy would've loved this one, hope ours is just as good. Love you and miss you, especially today.God’s hand is everywhere, take a look around. Whether it’s the random flower/tree, the love of your life next to you, your parents, sibling, or anything else imaginable, God is present.

never came to my mind so this always happens to me I am always who the WORLD wants me to be not who I want to be

The only way that I will heal and slowly feel better and possibly hear Ed less is with God. I know that everyone “sees” me feeling/doing better. In a way, that’s only slightly true. No, I don’t cry up against the bathroom door anymore, and no I don’t dig my nails deep into my thighs, but I still can’t go 1 day without running, I can’t go to a restaurant and order just anything; I can’t even walk into a restaurant without already having seen the menu and knowing calorie content.  But, I can’t do this by myself. I’ve learned this in the most difficult way. I cannot. I forget this all too often. Those fireworks reminded me in the strangest way. Honestly, the old cliche is true, God works in mysterious ways.

Perfect Peace comes from The Lord You will keep in perfect peace those whose minds are steadfast, because they trust in you. -Isaiah 26:3 #peace....More at http://ibibleverses.com

The fireworks changed like mood rings and each color in a mood ring represents a different emotion, much like god has different qualities. God kind of has his own color chart.

hmm...i've been wearing a lot of purple lately....i used to be a black wearer and before that into green, turquoise and blues

JOY to the World

I’m sitting here this morning watching they Disney Parade (I’m 6, I know. No judgement please.) But as I’m sitting here, soaking up all of the Christmas morning magic it makes me consider this life and most importantly The Savior that makes this spectacular life possible.

“The Lord himself will give you a sign: The virgin will be pregnant. She will have a son, and she will name him Immanuel.” Isaiah 7:14

“For to us a child is born, to use a son is given; and the government shall be rest upon his shoulder, and his name shall be called Wonderful Counselor, Mighty God, Everlasting Father, Prince of Peace.” Isaiah 9:6-7

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As I’ve said before, these past 2 months have been insane; both positive and negative. In 2015, my life is going to change for the better. I get the marry the love of my life! How crazy is that?! But on the negative end, my little brother has ITP, which is a a blood disorder where he doesn’t have enough platelets in his blood. He’s been in and out of the hospital for the past couple of weeks and he even went in a day before Christmas Eve. He got to come home yesterday though, and we all celebrated Christmas Eve/Christmas with him 🙂 He’s doing so much better.

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This Christmas isn’t about being pretty for me. It’s not about letting Ed live my life and control all my habits. It’s about being happy and soaking in all the love and beautiful things that God has surrounded you with. Spending time with your family and being thankful for who is present in your life and stop complaining about being ‘alone’ because you don’t have a significant other. That’s not what today is. Take your mind off the negative and refocus it on the positive aspects.

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This is a beautiful, wonderful, joyous, loving, exciting, and grand life. Let’s live in the spectacular now. Merry Christmas 🙂

Merry Christmas not happy holidays !!!!!

Thanksgiving Owl…I Mean Turkey!

Soooooo…..Thanksgiving….my old enemy, we meet again. Here we are again, it’s this time of year. I completely dread this time of year, but I know that so so many people love it! And that’s fantastic! Don’t get me wrong, I love  it too. I absolutely LOVE Christmas and the feeling of fall and Thanksgiving. It’s an amazing feeling that you can only get from certain times. It’s the only time I ever get this unique feeling and I simply cherish it.

That being said, I hate one teeny, tiny aspect of it. (I’m sure most people love it. People are literally walking around asking if you are going to eat too much. Like….what????!?) I Hate The Eating Part. HATE IT. I find it absurd and I hate that their is an entire holiday focused on eating. Whatever happened to being thankful, truly thankful. It’s a time to be thankful for EVERYTHING that you have (food included, I guess). Everything from your family, job, food, home, friends, dogs, freedom, willingness of a person to go to an unknown country and protect a person they don’t even know, anything you can think of. I think that’s the beautiful part of Thanksgiving. That’s what I remember. That’s what I hold in my heart that day. That’s what I hope everyone else thinks of. I block out the food and the questions about college and overall irritating questions from eager but loving relatives. That’s what the day is about. 

Thanksgiving Owls http://www.misskatecuttables.com/products/thanksgiving/freebie-of-the-day-thanksgiving-owls.php

Second of all, my ED makes holidays like Christmas and Thanksgiving harder than they really should be, and probably way more difficult than they are for someone who doesn’t suffer from this burden. Because literally anytime I start to think that ED is gone, or less, or…a word I can’t describe. He comes creeping back in. He makes me day horrible. He makes me irritated beyond belief.  He opens up old wounds, peels off the old band-aid and allows the blood to come oozing out. He doesn’t care that it hurts. He doesn’t care that he causes pain. He DOES NOT care that this is a holiday to be happy and thankful and of celebration. Those feeling simply aren’t in his repertoire. Ed stabs you in the back, the front, the side basically anyplace he can jab his words.

“Salt in the wound like you’re laughing right at me.”

Bad blood taylor swift lyrics

But, this year, I’m trying something new. I’m trying to focus on all that I have to be THANKFUL for. Because there is honestly so so so very much that I have to be thankful for that quite frankly outranks and surpasses Ed. Why do I choose to burden myself with something that only causes me great pain? Well, I can’t always help that, but I can help the fact that I can channel all of my energy this holiday season into cherishing precious and few moments, and when I become overwhelmed with food and body image issues (WHICH I WILL. NO DOUBT.) I can take a breath, and remember that the people I’m choosing to celebrating with love me, and I don’t have to constantly live in anguish over what I currently look like in my clothes.

Thanking Jesus for who He is and all He does really helps my heart when Im overwhelmed.

10 Maya Angelou Quotes That'll Make You Love Life and Get Sh*t Done | Women's Health Magazine

Try to Have Yourself Merry Little Christmas

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Np9QrkUO554

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I’ve been sitting here on my couch for the past 15 minutes trying to do research on how people with eating disorders manage to somehow survive the holiday season without losing their mind. I never thought finding answers on the internet to a question I have would be so difficult! With 4 days until Christmas Eve, I’m starting to get a little nervous about all the food, candy, relatives and conversation that will be occurring over the next week and a half or so.

Sooo, anyways, all of the articles that I have read have basically said the same kind of thing. They say to create a list of things you fear could happen during the holidays, make sure you have a friend you can go to, and then to plan out everything as best you can. Some other articles I visited also stated that  I need to keep in mind that there will be obstacles over the holidays, and that I need to be open about Ed, my treatment and what I want and do not want to eat. They also reminded me not to be too hard on myself, because this is all part of the recovery process.

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One of the scariest houses I will have to go to over the next few days is my grandmother’s. This is because she is almost always asking if you are hungry, how your food tasted, what you think of it, if you want more and then she’s constantly hovering over you while you attempt to eat!!! It’s so nerve racking and turns  my anxiety up about 10 notches. It’s also pretty scary because of the fight that we had this summer because she wouldn’t stop talking about how everyone’s food tasted. So, again I say, I’m just completely terrified of going there. It’s just that all of her words put thoughts (that are already to common in my mind) in my head. They give Ed more power, (and like Ed needs anymore reasons to scream at my constantly).

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I just have to remember to take a deep breath. Think positively, and well, slowly and choose my words carefully. Try to remember that people just want to help and that they love me. And always, always remember that there is always something to be thankful for 🙂

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Never Thought I’d Be That Girl

My mind has been in so many different places lately. Literally, all over the place. Sometimes, I just take a step back and have to realize how blessed that I am. However, Ed makes that difficult to do sometimes. Especially at this time of year where things like food, candy, cookies and other treats are so easily accessible. Yeah, good luck trying not to binge or restrict yourself or telling Ed to go screw himself.

Anyways, the other day I was looking on Pinterest, when I came across this pin.

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That really hit home for me. When I was younger I used to see the lifetime movies or hear the health lectures at school about not having an eating disorder, and even though I kind of knew I had a problem, I NEVER actually thought I’D be the girl with an eating disorder. With my very own personal struggle, and with my very own personal Ed.

Sometimes it’s difficult to wrap my mind around the fact that this is my actual life. This is actually happening to me. This is my daily battle. And as much as I don’t want it to be and as much as I’d like to pretend Ed doesn’t exist, this is real life. 

It’s at the point in the day, where I start to feel discouraged and like Ed is never going to let me out of his heavy grasp (and I have alot of those lately) that I have to remind myself that getting rid of Ed’s voice is a daily thing and an ongoing process. It takes courage to admit I have a problem. It takes courage to just eat something sometimes. It takes courage NOT to go work out. It takes courage to stand up sometimes and say ‘Screw you, Ed. I’m going to do what I want for 5 minutes.’

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I’m really into anchors lately, and some people think I’m a little strange for that. I think they are pretty neat though. They are a symbol for me. A symbol of hope. Mostly because of the Bible verse that I have come to cherish.

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pink stripes anchor