Tag Archives: meal plans

Patriotic York Patties & Coke Zero Thoughts

Recovery is hard y’all. Getting to a “healthy” weight is hard. Hearing that “you look ‘healthy’ now” are very difficult words to swallow.

Today has been a pretty good/relaxing day. Happy 4th of July 🙂 I spent my day going for a run, doing some cleaning up, doing some odd cleaning jobs and working on my Christmas cross stitch (welcome to Christmas in July haha). I just finished making dinner (hamburgers/cheeseburgers I was trying to make the All-American meal) and I was sitting here drinking my Coke Zero and patriotic York patties and decided I would write I guess.

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I’ve been having a rough time lately. I don’t think anybody has really noticed but I haven’t exactly been trying to broadcast it either. I do find myself being able to eat dinner more often, however as long as I think it’s “good”, “safe”, “low calorie/low fat”. Nevertheless, I eat dinner more consistently. Lately though, I find myself with these thoughts of ‘I need to eat less tomorrow’, ‘maybe I should try skipping breakfast’ (HA. That one is super funny for me), ‘we need to work out harder’ (uh…I don’t know how I could go any harder. Crazy Ed!), or thoughts from that realm. They aren’t positive thoughts and they don’t bring goodness or happiness. They bring sorrow, fatigue, ache, rejection of myself, self-disappointment and fear. I don’t need this kind of negativity in my life!

Honestly, my life is going pretty darn well right now. I just got the keys to my very first classroom last week and I get to clean it out and decorate it and really make it my school home. That’s so exciting for me. I need exciting and happy things in my life; I don’t need to be bogged down by what the heck I’m eating for lunch and worrying about if it’s going to make my students, co-workers, family, friends or husband like me less!! I’d love to be able to blame the restriction mentality on the fact that I just got my room and I feel like I have literally no idea what I’m doing. Seriously. I went to 3 ½ years of school for this degree and I feel so unprepared…hahaha. I’m sure lots of people feel this way though. I’ve been reassured that everyone feels the nerves, anxiety and fear when they start a new job. I read this article today (it was slightly on the dirty-ish side but not really). Anyways, it was about body image in the bedroom. It was a lengthy article but it was also helpful in more than one way. It was talking about ways to make you feel better about yourself and being proud of yourself. The author also talked about how your partner doesn’t solely love you for your body. Your family and friends don’t love you solely for your body. I didn’t get my first teaching job because I eat a bunch of yogurt, fruit and “healthy” foods. The author said to turn the situation around and think about if your spouse, friends or family looked a little differently would it have any effect on how much you love and care about them? NO! Heck no! Reading that article today did help me in its own strange way. Here’s the link if you actually want to read it Body Image In The Bedroom by Sarah Vance.

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Right now, I’m trying so hard to not center my life around my freaking food and flipping workout schedule. Trying. So. Hard. There is really more to life than meal planning and doing the same workout routine right on schedule every day.

Basically, that’s what I’ve been thinking. Andddddd because I’m a dork and super-duper excited, here’s a picture of my classroom. Definitely the “before” shot!!!!!

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Oh! Also my Grandma started painting this “P” for me a few weeks ago when I was down there and she mailed it to me this week. She’s super sweet and this turned out so cute! Looking forward to finding a place in my new room to hang it.

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Have You Ever Untangled Spaghetti?

Image: http://prettylittleliars.alloyentertainment.com/season-3-hanna-marin-quotes-photos/#10

Pretty Little Liars Season 3: Hanna Marin's Funniest Quotes [PHOTOS]:

Sounds like trying to recover from an eating disorder. Plus, it made me laugh and I just like her & that show.

After substituting all day yesterday, I’ve decided that I may not actually want to teach upper elementary every single day, i.e. 6th grade. They just about wore me out. So very much talking. Entirely too much. All in all though, it wasn’t that bad.l It was a fairly easy day. During this day I had a few spare moment…okay a bunch of spare moments…to peruse the Internet.

After what seemed like endless searching I basically just threw in the towel at the end of the day. I was searching over and over for a recovery meal plan. I would search ‘eating disorder meal plan’ and it would come up with meal plans that have too many calories for me (I’m not that underweight) or they were very forceful and harsh. I would search ‘healthy meal plan’ and apparently my terms and the world’s terms of healthy MUST differ because all that resulted in was ‘how to lose 10 pounds in a month’. Not what I’m looking for Google!!

In reality, I was just looking for some sort of meal plan that would tell me in a simple-cannot emphasize that enough here- manner how to eat. Like, a simple breakfast, easy morning and afternoon snack and a reasonable dinner. Not a meal plan to lose weight, not one to gain 10 pounds because I’m that deep into an eating disorder, not one where I’m terrified of all the foods, and not one where it seems like too much food in one meal. That seems like a lot of guidelines, but is it really that difficult to come by? Personally, I don’t see how a person can eat 1/2 a cup of oatmeal, 2 egg whites and 1/2 a grapefruit. Just sounds like an overload to me, but what do I know?

Throughout the rest of my day I found myself really really wanting to eat eggs. Like an egg sandwich. I’m such a weirdo, I know. But I’ve been wanting eggs for a few days now. However, I had to figure out a way to eat them that M wouldn’t find totally bizarre. I couldn’t just go home and make only eggs.

I cooked bacon and some biscuits for Marty, some regular ole’scrambled eggs and hash browns. I forgot how much I like hash browns.

Clearly, this is his plate. I’m not really that into bacon, plus that’s a fear food that I’m not nearly ready to approach.

I made egg whites for me and some toast…I didn’t have the best bread on hand and biscuits are a whole other ball game.

That’s my “I love eating eggs!” face.I’m not even sorry that I loved these eggs. I’d go home and make them again if M wouldn’t think that was super strange.

 

 

Last night was also the return of PRETTY LITTLE LIARS!!!!!! Yay! I know that most people might think that show is dumb, and at times yes, yes it is. But I can’t not watch, you know? I’ve invested all this time into caring about these characters and watching season after season I need to know what happens in their lives and how this series will eventually end. I’m not sure if Marty intended to watch with me, but somehow he ended up in the living room asking me questions about the people.

Poor guy didn’t know that having a wife meant having Pretty Little Liars on TV on Tuesday nights.