Tag Archives: negative

You Don’t Have To Try So Hard

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SnKodtLnqLQ

 

try- colbie caillatI don’t have a whole bunch to say about this song, considering it easily speaks for itself. The only reason I picked the Danielle Bradbery version over the original Colbie Caillat track is because I’m just a gigantic Danielle fan and I just love her voice. The actual Colbie Caillat video is actually pretty amazing too.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GXoZLPSw8U8

danielle bradbery : my role model!

Danielle Bradbery - Baltimore Orioles v Houston Astros


I had never heard heard of this song until just the other day. I immediately knew that it was a song for people just like me going through the same things I’m going through. It’s just a song about trying to fit it and pushing yourself to your absolute limit just to attempt at being accepted. But what she’s saying is what we all need to realize, that people that truly love you, should accept you for exactly who you are; without the makeup, without the perfectly placed hair and without the endless hardcore workouts. You don’t have to try so hard…you don’t have to try, try, try.

“Look into the mirror, at yourself,

Don’t you like you?

Cause I like you.”

 

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Be Happy. Be You.

http://www.huffingtonpost.com/temimah-zucker/postive-body-image_b_5572909.html

Comparison is the thief of joy. — Theodore Roosevelt *Let go of comparing yourself to moms on Facebook & Pinterest! XO

I know that I’ve been thinking and talking to a lot of people lately about thinking before we speak. I ran across this article the other day that was talking about just that plus some more wonderful and insightful things that I hadn’t really thought of before.

Humans are like flowers in a garden. Some compete for the sunlight others just make do & ... blooms

In today’s world, most people (women predominately) are constantly on a diet of some type. Now I’m going to be talking more about women in this post as opposed to men, HOWEVER I am VERY aware that men have just as difficult as a time with body image and eating disorder as women. With that being said, I’ve seen so many people, and heard as well, people being praised and upheld for “being good” and staying on track with their diet. By not eating a cupcake, cheese, or a milk less than 2%, these “we” are praised for being “healthy”. But are we really considered healthy if we are constantly miserable or constantly striving for perfection or constantly trying to be something other than what we are.? We are constantly comparing ourselves to others. Constantly!!!! Are we really considered healthy if we do not allow ourselves to enjoy all wonderful things that life has to offer including all types of food and NOT exercising every single day? We are never satisfied with the body we have. I don’t even think that’s entirely our fault.

Be blessed with what God has given you. Because there is someone out there that would love what you take for-granted....

The media has changed images so many times it hard to keep track of. They also feed us over and over again that we need to be “toned” “tan” “eating less” or “insert latest healthy phrase here”. Then they slap some toned and beautiful model on front of the magazine cover so that we can wish and criticize ourselves over how we do not or will not ever look that way.

And another point, when are we going to let women enjoy themselves? And stop looking down on them if they ate a cookie or didn’t count all their calories in the day. What would even happen if we didn’t pay attention and didn’t count how many calories we consumed in the day??? What?? Nothing!!!!!! That’s right! When do we actually get to enjoy our life? I mean, at what age do we stop to get worrying and stressing over our physical appearance? When do we stop expecting all people to be tan and stop making fun of them if they are anything less than a crisp orange from the tanning bed? When do we stop expecting all men to be perfectly sculpted and muscular? Basically, my point is, when do we stop having unrealistic expectations and start letting people look like people and not perfect little dolls?

Be happy Be Bright Be YOU https://www.facebook.com/pages/kidsdingecom-Origineel-speelgoed-hebbedingen-voor-hippe-kids/160122710686387?ref=hl www.kidsdinge.com

I don’t mean that people shouldn’t workout, should never watch what they eat or anything of the sort. Everything can be fine in moderation. But the key to all of this is happiness. Would you rather be miserable or happy? Do you want to enjoy your life, or constantly feel like you have to work toward and unattainable goal? Ask yourself, is all the dieting, working out, stress, anxiety and worry really worth risking your happiness?

Be so happy that when others look at you they become happy too. Elephants by sevenstar on Etsy

Speak Now

Powerful reminder to THINK before you speak.Think before you speak.  My father's lesson for sure.

Think before you speak. We have all heard those words countless amount of times and we definitely comprehend the meaning. However, the question is here is are we listening to what that phrase really means? Thinking before we speak is more important than we think it is. It’s more than insulting someone’s new outfit, haircut or dating choices. Words have the power to destroy people or build people up. It just all depends on how we choose to use to put these words together to make phrases, sentences and paragraphs.

I know from firsthand just how much words can hurt. The words that someone once said to me when I was a young girl led me to spiral into this darkness that I’m still trying to dig and crawl my way out of. My self esteem was already at a low level and adding that comment into my  repertoire didn’t  help my case any.

I recently had a friend that had the same thing happen to her. My heart hurt for her because I knew exactly how she felt and how much that stung. I seriously wanted to drive over their and punch that person in the face for her! Here again I say, think before you speak please!!!

You can never ever know what another person is going through, what their personal struggles are or how they will take what you say to them, whether it was meant as a joke, sarcastically or in any other manner. My point is, overall, think before you speak. Words are more powerful than you think. They can slice people into tiny pieces, make them cry on the floor or they can make them smile and believe in themselves. Use yours for positive and good experiences and not negative ones. 

speak now prolouge - words of absolute wisdom. thank you taylor swift

Be careful with your words...

Anxiety Jeans

I’m been having quite few bad/off days lately and for a while, I couldn’t put my finger on what was bothering me so much. Well, aside from the fact that I literally have on going battle and a long road to full recovery, I decided that it had to do with this upcoming weekend. Now, don’t laugh when you read this. Pretty please. One word, 5 letters.

PANTS.

This weekend it is my hometowns rodeo, and I usually go, which isn’t that big of a deal. I mean, it’s just a rodeo, what’s the big deal right? And what do pants have to do with anything? Good question, I’m sooo glad you asked. Well, normal people that don’t think about food, body image and how others perceive them every second  don’t even think twice about putting on their clothes. To them putting on their pants is merely another step to getting ready for the day or whatever event they go to. For me though, pants are apart of a very scary thing to me. It scares me to even think about the idea of putting these pants on in 3 days. I have actually purposely been avoiding wearing jeans for months now. I love these jeans that I own, they just put this gigantic shock wave of fear pulsing throughout my body.

Find These At Missme.com And Some Western Stores Near You!

 I feel so incredibly silly saying that I have this fear of my own blue jeans! It sounds goofy. This is a legitimate fear for me though. For me to put these pants on is a huge step. I’m going to do it, so there are no worries there, but it’s going to take a huge amount of effort. I’m going to take control of those jeans, pull them on and show them who is really the boss here. I can do this.

Here’s my final point I want to make. Let’s all remember to think before we speak please. It’s such a true statement that you never truly know what is going through a person’s mind. They could be stressing over their job, their relationship, money, or having thoughts that they simply aren’t good enough to be in those blue jeans they have on. Just remember, everyone is going through something, whether they look like it or not; because not everyone actually looks like they are suffering from an eating disorder.

So very very true. I always try to choose my words so as not to seem like I don't care or that they don't understand. To those fighting your silent battles, be strong :) you will conquer all things!

Flawed People

http://mytinysecrets.com/you-say-flawed-he-says-sexy-what-men-really-think-about-your-body/

I was reading this the other day after it was sent to me. I’ve read something similar to this before but I can’t exactly remember it. Anyways, I was reading this and tears started to build up in my eyes (if you haven’t caught on by now, I’m a pretty big crier). I’ve read before that men don’t see your body they way that you do at all. They only see the parts that make you “unique” and “you”. Is that true? Like do men really think that or is that just something people say to self conscious women to make them feel better and shut up about their insecurities? Or do people really think that way? Because if they do, that might make me feel a thousand times better.

There is no such thing as perfect and you should strive to develop an attitude of gratitude to make all those around you feel loved.

I think that I just wished that we lived in the world where people-both women and men alike-didn’t have to constantly live in comparison to other people. I know that I personally compare myself to other women all the time. And I know that’s dumb and you shouldn’t keep doing that because ‘you’re only hurting yourself’. I can’t help it though. It just seems to keep coming back and keep playing over and over again. …….yay……

Back to my point though, this article enlightened me. Whether this has any truth to it or not, it made me feel better for 5 whole minutes.

"Riser" -Dierks Bentley

Lover, Crier, Fighter, Riser

The first time I ever heard the song Riser by Dierks Bentley I knew it was immediately meant for me. It was meant to give me inspiration, hope and the courage to pursue what I wanted. Special, really special. It talks about being someone who risers against all odds, through the difficult times, through all of the doubters, disbelief and constant lies that tell you your dream is not achievable.

I’m a riser.

I’m a riser
I’m a get up off the ground, don’t run and hider
Pushing comes a-shovin’
Hey I’m a fighter
When darkness comes to town, I’m a lighter

I think that you have to be your own hero, your own riser. That’s not to say that you shouldn’t find someone else that can be a riser for you as well. Because I sincerely believe that everyone needs another person to lean on. No matter how much you try, how much you wish, or how much everyone says you just need yourself, a support system is necessary. You need someone else to lift you up and say you can do it because there are going to be those days where you just cannot do it alone.

I’m a fighter.

Lay your pretty head down on my shoulder
You don’t have to worry anymore
This old world is cold and getting colder
And I know how to lock and bolt the door

I’m strong enough to hold you through the winter
Mean enough to stare your demons down

This song makes me cry when I listen to it.  I can probably turn just about any song I listen to into a song about me and my ed. But honestly, it didn’t take much effort with this one. It grabs a hold of my heart, grips it from the very first words to the uttering of the last and simply makes me feel like it gets me. It gets what I’m experiencing  and it 100% understands how I feel. And I think that the song is says that it’s okay for me to rely on other people to help me sometimes. It’s telling me that sometimes you simply can’t do it on your own.

Bottom line is, this song is really important to me and teaches me a lesson of sorts. No matter what ed and the world are throwing at me, I have to keep doing this, I have to keep being a fighter, I have to keep being a riser.

I’m A Trier

 

Love yourself! @brittany valania <3

Have you ever had to restrain yourself from throwing up? Well, actually for me, look it up. I mean, I know how to and all, I just can’t ever make myself actually do it, or perfect that are. Yeah, yeah, “that’s bad for you”, “don’t do that”, “that’s self harm”. Blah, blah,  blah. I’ve heard all of that before. I get it. Thanks so much for contributing to the “love yourself as you are” party.

EDNOS, or 'eating disorder not otherwise specified,' affects 24 million Americans. EDNOS is dangerous, because its unknown to some, and easily overlooked, Those with EDNOS show signs of bulimia and anorexia, where their symptoms are the same, but don't fully meet the full criteria of those disorders.'A lot of people think - just because you don't meet the weight criteria, "Oh, you don't have an eating disorder."' People get caught up in physical appearance which can't reveal the real suffering -

It’s like no matter what I do nothing works. Being around people, eating what they eat, acting like they act, nothing. It just doesn’t work. Wanna help me out here? Like seriously, I literally cannot do this. I recently got…well…in a fight I guess about having this insecurity/eating disorder/craziness going around in my head. I don’t have a handle on this. No matter how much you think I do. When I get oddly quiet for myself, you should probably be concerned. I’m sitting in that chair there thinking about it. I’m sitting next to you on the couch thinking about it. I’m laying in bed at night thinking about it. Thankfully I haven’t dreamed about it. It eats away at me, day after day, night after night, hour after hour. I’d say I need help but I swear that doesn’t even seem to be working. Am I to damaged to help?  Beyond the point of repair? Am I at that point where nobody even cares that it upset me anymore? If there was a magic pill, believe me, I’d take it in a heartbeat. But there isn’t.

Love Yourself First | LOVE YOURSELF FIRST. | via Tumblr | We Heart It

But in my car ride home today, I found myself grasping at the fat at my body, over analyzing my legs thinking about everything I couldn’t eat and every way I could avoid eating. I was with my friends tonight and they always manage to comment on how much I didn’t eat or how I need to eat more. I don’t think they truly comprehend the condition. Then again, I don’t really plan to go into explaining what’s going on in my mind and with my body.

I think that I just have this overwhelming feeling that nobody is going to think I’m pretty. I guess that’s irrational considering there is literally and infinite amount of people with allllllll different body types on this planet. At the end of the day, at least one person will find something beautiful about them. I’ve also heard it said that beauty is only skin deep and it’s really the type of person that you are that makes you truly beautiful. If you’re heart is beautiful then it flows from the inside out and allows you to glow and shine on the outside. That’s the goal here. It’s the ultimate finish line. We’ll get there….eventually.

This is for any recovery... a bad relationship, abuse, violence, eating disorders, etc. Recovery is never easy, but we hope and pray that in the end, we get there, and its worth it in the end.

Words of truth. We can find the way forward if we listen to our hearts and learn to change our thoughts. #inspirational #quote #recovery

You’re Gonna Hear Me Follow My Arrow

So, today’s Father’s Day, so in my family on holidays it’s kinda the norm to eat cake. Which really, I’m not arguing with. I’m pretty fond of that tradition, and I’d like to keep it that way. I mean, who doesn’t like cake?! However….that’s really turns into quite an issue for me. Like…I just digested a bunch of cake and I’m trying to deal with that in the best way possible. (When I say best way, I mean in the not going in throwing up my food.)

Anyways, while I’ve been sitting here and dealing with this overwhelming feeling of guilt, I’ve been watching the CMT Crossroads of Kacey Musgraves and Katy Perry. I happen to be embarking on a bit of a love affair with Kacey Musgraves and her music; poor Taylor Swift seriously.  But, as they were singing Roar, it reminded me of myself and Ed.

“You held me down, but I got up, already brushing off the dust.”

Roar. oddly i love the note arrangement in this song.

Ed holds you-I mean me- down. That’s all he does, that’s his sole purpose in life. That’s it. His purpose is to live inside my head and tell me I’m a piece of dirt. But I have to try- and I use try loosely- to make myself realize that. I have to try to remember that people for love me for me (it’s what’s on the inside that counts. Ha ha.) But I have to remember that I’m just Kairos, and if people like me, they are gonna have to take all of me, as is, damage and all, a gain of 5 pounds and all, a loss of 5 pounds and all, no makeup and messy hair and all. 

And soooooo……….

“I got the eye of the tiger, a fighter, dancing through the fire, ’cause I am a champion, and you’re gonna hear me roar.”

Roar Katy Perry song quote

 

Our Deepest Fear

“Who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, fabulous? Actually, who are you not to be?”

Have you ever done something you’re kind of ashamed of? I have. Haven’t we all? Have you ever done something that you were ashamed to tell someone? Even out loud to yourself?  I have. I did…today.

The thing about people with eating disorders, well, at least me, is that, no matter what you do you never feel like its working or like you’re good enough. Constantly, I have this overwhelming feeling of being inadequate, of being not pretty enough, smart enough, fit enough, healthy enough, happy enough, or kind enough. I go through at least 3 of these cycles throughout the day. Despite anything anyone tells me, I don’t feel good about myself. I could run a marathon and burn allllll of those calories and still feel like  I didn’t work hard enough and that I could’ve done more.

Anyways, back to that horrible thing that I didn’t want to tell anyone today.  I ate dinner, felt terrible, like I always do; then I traveled into the bathroom….and well I’m sure your imagination can take you to the correct place on this one. For the first time, in my entire life, throughout my entire journey with this torturous eating disorder, I threw up my food for the actual first time. It wasn’t all of it, just a little bit, but nevertheless I did it. It didn’t make me feel better. It didn’t make me feel worse either. It didn’t make me feel anything. I just feel like I’m anything. I’m feel like I’m not worth it to some people.

Most days are so hard for me, but i try to do better, i hate my bulimia, i wish it would just leave me already

I’m not a stupid girl. Don’t think that. I know that it’s not the ideal way to lose weight; I know it’s completely absurd. I know that it’s stupid and that people die from it. I don’t plan on doing it all the time. I don’t. I just thought, that in that moment, that it might alleviate some of the pain. It doesn’t.

Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness that most frightens us. We ask ourselves, 'who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, Fabulous?' Actually, who are you not to be? - Marianne Williamson

I’m Not A Doll

So, it’s been a rough couple of days for me. Let’s just say I’m having a lot of bad days in a row. A LOT. Last night, my night ended in hyperventilation and sitting on the couch with my daddy and my new puppy. (His name is Pepper by the way. I think he’s super cute.) But I made the mistake of stepping on the scale and thinking that that number somehow defines me. I know that everyone says that it doesn’t, but I just feel like it does. It’s not like I go around judging people by what they look like, because I absolutely do not!!!! But I feel like people do when they look at me! Ugh, what’s my issue? I mean, I pretty much cried all morning today. I’m just in one of those bad ruts I think.

I’ve been on my favorite place lately, pinterest, and I stumbled upon this video of a girl who reads her poem. It’s beautiful. It made me cry when I watched it. It kind of inspired me to write my own poem, although it is not eloquent, eye opening or helpful as hers, it’s the raw words that my own mind has said over the past 72 hours.

These collarbones will never stick out

But it’s not like I’m actually stout

My thighs are too big, they’ll never form that gap

So I guess I’ll need to dwell on being fat

These bones on my wrist, used to let my charm bracelet hang off it

Now these arms seem thick and make me feel sick

“You’re soooo skinny.” “You just need to eat”

“Why do you worry, you live so thin.” “I wish I could be like you.”

Shut up, shut up, you don’t know what it’s like to have these voices talk all the time

The lines in my abs won’t pop out,

I guess everything has just gone south

Those hip bones live under a layer of fat

What are you going to do about that?

Puke, take pills, run like hell, no matter what you’ll  never get that body back

Give up the cake, chips and junk food

Then being skinny will come easier tomorrow

Eat clean, eat right

That’s how you get the right body type

Cry, hyperventilate and fall on the floor

That’s what this has come to, do I even wanna do this anymore?

Can’t my clothes just hand off, my pants be too big, can’t I just be a twig?

These standards of beauty are just too hard and high

How am I suppose to achieve this, I don’t even know how to try