Tag Archives: scale

Link Love: Mother’s Day Edition

Happy Mother’s Day to all the wonderful mothers out there!!!!


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Happy Mother’s Day to my Mommy who I have to say, is pretty amazing. We may or may not have this best friend relationship type going on. Be jealous. She’s been one of my-if not the biggest-supporter through all these years of eating disorder recovery and I could not be any more thankful 🙂 (Think Gilmore Girls) I can’t show you what I got her for MD but it’s pretty dang cute and I’m proud of the cuteness and symbolic part I got from it. Hopefully she’ll like it.


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Health/Body Positive:

Eating Recovery Day: Why We Celebrate– via Eating Recovery Center

11 Totally BS Things Life Is Too Short For– by Lindsay Holmes via Huffington Post

HA HA #5!! #6 I also think is pretty important.

Candace Cameron Bure Opens Up About Her Recovery From Bulimia– Alexandria Gomez via Women’s Health Magazine

The 5 Things Your Scale Would Say If It Could Talk– by Cayanne via HealthyEzSweet


13 Stages Every Jesse & Becky ‘Shipper Experiences When Watching ‘Full House’– by Jordana Lipsitz via Bustle

They are just so sweet ❤ But Becky’s wedding dress…..”have mercy!!!”

12 ’90s Movies That Will Take You Right Back To Your Childhood Summers– by Courtney Lindley via Bustle

YES. Babysitter’s Club, Parent Trap, A League Of Their Own! Just, all of them.

When Are Bath & Body Works 90’s Scents Coming Back? – by Kali Borovic via Bustle

I’m totally guilty of wearing Cucumber Melon. (Major icky to me now!) I think it was my first scent?? I just miss Brown Sugar and Fig.

14 Things You Would Have Said To Your Parents In The 90’s– by Lara Rutherford-Morrison via Bustle

Personally, I found the Internet boring this week.


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If You’re Ever Gonna Find A Silver Lining

On staying curious: | 16 Walt Disney Quotes To Help Guide You Through Life

It’s late at night while I’m writing this, but that’s when all the best writing happens isn’t it? Over the past week I’ve been a roller coaster. I’ve done many things that have put me out of my comfort zone, literally made me want to cry and run FAR away and most of all, challenged me to be in ACTIVE recovery.

This past week, I had to go to the doctor for the whole “checkup” nonsense. Anyways, anybody who has been to the doctor knows that the first (possibly most annoying) thing they do is take your weight. It infuriates me. I’m sure the nurses at the office hate me because I literally grumble every time I have to do it. So, I stepped on the scale, backwards 🙂 it’s just what I do. I don’t want to see the number, so why act like it? I don’t need to know. I don’t want to know. There’s no need to subject myself to that torture when clearly I didn’t seek the scale out. (Side note: This is a giant hurdle for me, considering I don’t even know where the scale in my own house is.) Anyways, I avoided a crisis there, so I’d say that was a solid win for the week.

The curious paradox...

Then today, when I was with my fiancé, we ate Whataburger for lunch. I tried my best to be healthy, like I always do. I’ve scrupulously have studied the menu at this burger joint and know what are and aren’t the “best” choices. So, I picked what I thought was best, pretty much ate around the bread on the sandwich, BUT I ate the french fries that came with the order. I ATE FRENCH FRIES Y’ALL. I didn’t even freak out til hourssssss later. It was a minor win though. Minor because of the fact that I freaked out later and just about wanted to die (literally). I came home from my fiancé’s house and almost lost it. I changed clothes and tried my best to “run” it off, or get on the elliptical and get it off/out of me in some way. But I’m still here, I’m still breathing and my clothes still somehow fit. It’s all a difficult process for me. I know that it was a win. I know that eating food is good for me. (Side note: We aren’t even going to talk about how I’ve eaten this week.) But I’m slowly, slowly, slowly going to get there.

Track 2 lyrics! I knew Incredible Things (the perfume) had to have a meaning!!! Like Wonderstruck and Enchanted!!

It’s like Taylor Swift says in Blank Space, “Darling, I’m a nightmare dressed like a daydream.”  That’s what an eating disorder is! A ‘nightmare’ clothed in a ‘daydream’. It’s not! It’s soooooo not. Ed starts out by saying “Nice to meet you, where you been. I could show you incredible things.” His and my version of incredible things, are VERY different. Everyone idolized the women who can eat little to nothing at meals, eat low calorie meals, shows self-restraint around sweets or foods deemed unhealthy, and basically because they are thin. They shouldn’t though because you don’t know how those women feel alone or at night. They could feel like they are in the middle of their own nightmare when you see it as a daydream. I just think it’s one of the best lines to describe an eating disorder in a quick manner.

Taylor Swift - Blank Space  Like if this is you too! Cause this is soooo me!

“Every moment of light and dark is a miracle.”  ― Walt Whitman

I’m trying really hard not to bring this Ed into my new marriage. However, that just doesn’t seem possible. It’s going to come with me. Like it or not, this e.d. is a part of me. I can’t just blink it away, but I can accept it and I can accept that I’m always going to be recovering.

Falling Apart, Barely Breathing

Breathe in. Breathe out. That’s just what I keep telling myself. Whether or not I heed my own advice is another topic completely. I keep telling myself that I look fine, that everything is okay or that if I never see the lines in my abs, or see my ribs poke out that I’m still me and people will still love me. Why? Why am I like this? Why did this screeching, screaming, loud fighting voice get stuck in my head? What did I do to possibly deserve this constant kind of thinking? It just seems unfair. No matter how hard I try, I can’t seem to save myself. I drown in my own thoughts daily.  I can’t change them. I can’t change me. Every day I succumb myself to becoming my very own victim; a very strange thing isn’t it? You would think I’d just turn it off and make it stop. Impossible. I mean, if there is a way to turn it off, someone please enlighten me because at this point I just don’t know what I’m supposed to do. I feel like even when I do talk about it to the two most trusted people I have, that I just hurt them. I hurt them because they don’t understand, because they sympathize for me and because they just have to continuously watch me fall apart and watch me cry my eyes out. Honestly, I’m at a loss for words. I just don’t know what to do anymore.


Ed kept me up for 3 hours the other night. I was thinking, pulling and pinching at my fat, devising plans to not eat, devising ways to eat the minimal amount of food as possible. Welcome to my world, it’s almost always a dark place.



When You Become A Number

So today, I experienced something that really bothered me. Insensitive people absolutely drive me up the wall. I find it ridiculous.

This morning, during my speech class, this guy in my class was making fun of anorexia. What’s that? That’s mean you say? Yeah, I agree!  I wanted to do one of two things, crawl under the table and feel ashamed of myself and my problem, or punch this guy in my face. In what way is this disorder a joke at all?

When you start to make fun of people who have some kind of disorder whether it be an eating disorder, OCD or something even smaller, you begin to belittle a person and make them feel ten times worse. Odds are that the person you are making fun of, already feels terrible about themselves, so really, let’s think before we speak. I guess I can’t expect everyone to do that or not to make jokes. I’ve just never encountered someone who just outright made fun of an eating disorder like that. My heart just sank when I heard him begin to make fun of it and say that obesity was now his problem.

The issue I have with this comment of his is simply that this disorder is no laughing matter. It’s actually a serious issue that people actually have to battle with. I just think that it’s something that shouldn’t be made fun of. Just like what you eat shouldn’t be brought up at dinner or your yearly salary isn’t appropriate conversation for a party.

MTV EMA's 2012 - VIP ArrivalsTaylor Swift is literally one of my all time favorite people, but personally, I feel that she has become too thin. I don’t know if you can see it, but in the photo where she is in a blue dress you can see her breast bones. It’s just kinda sickly looking and makes me sad. Personally, I think that this is what happens to a person when too much emphasis is placed upon looks or thinness and not on the actual type of person you are. You become a number instead of a person.