I hope that nobody ever said recovery was easy. It certainly isn’t. Not that I previous thought it was….but literally, this is a daily thing that I have to get up and decide. Some days I find myself mad at the world, at myself and at others. Some days I find myself to just be kind of sad and gloomy (which is more of today. Plus, the weather seems to be mimicking me). Every day I have to get up out of bed and decide that I want to recover. The want is a hard concept. Some days I just flat out don’t!!!! I think that my life sometimes is just living from meal to meal and trying to decide it’s outcome on me. I don’t want that for the rest of my life. That’s when I try my hardest to remember the want. There are sometimes where I don’t feel like I’m doing enough or that I’m enough. At that point, I think to myself that some days are just going to be harder than others. Not everything is perfect! And there are some days where if all I do is get up out of bed, that’s probably a victory in some way.
Boggle the Owl poses a wonderful question that I need to ask myself, and probably everyone could apply this to themselves at one point or another.
I was doing a bunch of substituting last week and I would come home at the end of the day and need to go run or workout. As I would sit on the couch and try to find the will power to put on my socks and tennis shoes and thinking about how I needed to make dinner and run the vacuum for a minute, I kept asking myself, ‘How do actual working people come home every day and do this? They work all day and they are tired, then they’ve got to come home and eat/make dinner/clean something and all they really want to do is sit down for a second and watch TV. Who wants to go to the gym/workout at home/who has the time?!’ Just who the hell wants to do that?!
I’ve read it before that life is all about balance. So I guess, that’s how they do it: BALANCE. That’s a part I’m still struggling with. It’s hard to have or even fathom balance when it hasn’t existed in your life for such a long period of time. Right now, the journey is about finding a new balance, a new equilibrium.
Speaking of balance…………here’s a look into my Sunday adventures. I went to church that morning and my mom was asking if I wanted a donut before church. Nope, no way, no how. NOT ready for that one. However, I did request 1 donut hole.
I was also trying really, really hard to make spring happen. It wasn’t going to happen. It was misty and just plain gross outside. I was just totally determined to wear this skirt, dang it!!!
In the afternoon I made my mom and one of my best friends watch Snoopy, Come Home with me-that’s 2 hours of my life I’ll never get back. My mom did also happen to have some cherry limeaide Jack Daniel’s….and I happen to be a fan of pretty much anything cherry limeaide flavor, so there’s that.