Tag Archives: thankful

Chocolate Pie Attempts and Grateful Hearts

Thanksgiving. A day devoted to being thankful for everything that God has given you. Sometimes I forget to be thankful and then, all of a sudden, out of nowhere something small reminds me and I realize just how incredibly blessed I am.

Free Thanksgiving Scripture Printables

For example, a few weeks ago, it was talking to the students in my classroom. There were talking about lunch and this one boy was saying that he wasn’t going to eat just to see how long he could go without food. I explained that he had to eat in order to live. Then, the entire class tried to correct me and say that another one of the students never eats lunch and that’s how she is so thin. This broke my heart in half!!!! I then explained again that she must eat a little bit or she must be eating at another point in time. It was right then and there that I remembered how thankful I was that my eating disorder hadn’t…well, killed me…and I had the opportunity to try and help those students. I was thankful to be in that room of young minds and get to interact with them and help them learn; even though in that moment I was clearly learning something from them.

Such lovely sayings for Thanksgiving -- click for more quotes! http://thestir.cafemom.com/in_the_news/164469/16_thanksgiving_quotes_about_gratitude

The other day, it was just some random song that came on the radio that reminded me how much I enjoyed the life that God has given me! And today, it was getting the notice that I passed my final teacher certification test that I took on Monday!!!!!!! (And also getting wedding pictures. I would post some, but apparently my internet just straight up sucks!) I was so nervous and worried over it, but it was God’s will that I pass that dang test. He was with me the whole time I took it which enabled me to excel at it.

Thanksgiving Owl SVG cutting file thanksgiving svg cuts cute clip art clipart turkey cut file for scrapbooking

Sometimes, it’s simple things in life that remind you of everything that you have. It makes you just take a moment and soak it all in. Life is wonderful, y’all and I am so blessed with everything and by EVERYONE that is in mine!!!

Now, I’m not really a fan of the whole Thanksgiving holiday/feast thing. Like at all. Me and food, well we go way back, but we aren’t really friends. So I still have quite the aversion to the whole ‘let’s eat/make a whole bunch of food’ thing.  Food brings a whole lot of anxiety and fear that I’m currently trying to cope with. However, I am quite a fan of thinking about everything God has supplied you with and being thankful, spending time with family (even if you get to see them often), spending time with friends, traditions, baking, the love and joy, and anything else you can think of that the holiday entails (….like the start of the Christmas season maybe?)  Today, tomorrow and Friday (I’m also celebrating that day) I’m just really trying to focus on everything in my life that brings joy, happiness and is positive. This holiday does have positive aspects!!! Even if through my eyes it’s mostly all about eating. I’m trying my very hardest to overlook that part and focus on the thankful portion or what I believe is the core of the whole day.

Since I’m already rambling…this year is my first Thanksgiving as a married woman. So, I’m trying out some new recipes as well as making some foods that are new to me, like chocolate pies. I had an attempt at that today (it’s basically the only kind of pie Marty will eat.) I attempted 1…okay 2. The key word there is attempted. Hopefully one of them turns out alright! If not, well I’m sure there will be plenty of turkey left.

Anyway……God has been so good to me, y’all!!!

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Bwahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha!!!!!!!!  LMAO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

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These Wildest Dreams

The world isn’t black and white. Recovery isn’t black and white either. Not too long ago, I thought it was only in my wildest dreams. It’s not though! Recovery is about forging a new path in the snow. It’s like the coach I met with me said, “Recovery is like taking a sled and going down a snowy hill. You’ve been going down the same path for SO long that the tracks from the sled are carved so deeply in the snow that making a new path seems absolutely terrifying. But that’s recovery. That’s what we have to do!! The first couple of times, it’s bumpy, you may fall off, there are unexpected twists and turns, but eventually you get to the bottom. Then, you climb back up and do it ALL over again. The more we create and form the new path, the easier it gets.”

North Lake Tahoe

That’s what I’ve been doing for the past 2 weeks, forming a new path in my head and creating new habits. I’ve been trying to let go of fear and learn more about me. Recovery is about a journey to your true self. The actual person you are, your authentic self. The self without the eating disorder. I have goals, wants and needs outside the eating disorder part of me. That part of me doesn’t call all the shots! The part of me that’s constantly scared, fearful of other’s opinions, anxiety ridden, and that walks around so bogged down from fear that I’m tired and can’t be happy sometimes is NOT my authentic self! I have to learn to listen to myself, to listen to my body and what it wants. Without constantly catering to what the eating disorder part of me wants, I can have more time to focus on other things….like finding an actual hobby. This week alone, I read books I wanted to, cleaned, changed our bed set up, and even baked something (that was a slight fiasco). Nevertheless, I did have some time to focus on other things. Don’t get me wrong, it was hard as hell some days. You know that saying, “fall down three times, stand back up four times”? Or whatever it is. Yeah, that’s what I’m living.

One of my favorite quotes

Not every day is easy. Not every day is even fun. Life isn’t happy-go-lucky as soon as you decide to just stop listening to the eating disorder part of you. It’s still there. It’s still real. It still hurts! But, that’s what recovery is about. It’s about saying “hey, eating disorder voice, I hear you, I hear what you’re saying, but I’m not going to deal with/listen to you right now. I’m going to go do….” Eating disorder recovery is about healing and part of that healing is learning about yourself. Which brings me to my next point…it’s about loving, accepting and being proud of yourself.

I'll be fine if they don't:

We live in a world where people preach confidence and then turn right around and criticize you for being confident and proud of yourself. I’m about to tell you that I’m learning to accept myself by saying “I am who I am. If you like me, great and if you don’t like me, that’s great too. But this is me, and I’m going to go on and be myself.’  I’m learning to try to be an actual friend to myself. I’m proud of myself for realizing that I need help. I’m proud of myself for meeting with someone. I’m proud of myself for being about to try and make a new path. I’m proud of myself for almost being through with student teaching (I finished my last evaluation this week.) I’m proud of myself for doing student teaching and somehow managing to get married in the middle! I’m proud of all of the things that my body can somehow manage to, and finally, I’m proud of myself for about to be a college graduate. I’m never actually thought it was okay to be proud of myself, but I had a short conversation with my coach today and she said to write down all of the things I was proud of myself for. She also said it’s great to be proud of yourself! That’s self-acceptance!!!! So, there is it. I’m proud of myself. You should be proud of yourself too.

I know I need help. I have hurt people and never intended to. And that I can't live with cause I hurt the most important person in my life and I have lost her. I can't do this alone. So nervous and scared yet hopefully to be going to pine lodge tomorow. I know it's gonna be tough but so what I need. I surrender cause my way isn't working for me.

In the spirit of the season of thankfulness (considering Thanksgiving is less than a week from today), on my way home I realized that I have so many things to be thankful for. I’m actually happy. I’m so incredibly blessed by everything that surrounds me and that has happened to me in the past couple of months. I’m thankful for my family (the new and old), my friends (especially the ones who have been with me through thick and thin…nudge, nudge), KIDS to teach, music, writing, books, GOD and the opportunities that I have been given in this life BY HIM. I find myself full of gratitude and looking at the world in a positive light rather than negative. Life is beautiful.  Stay Fearless, y’all ❤

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Thanksgiving Owl…I Mean Turkey!

Soooooo…..Thanksgiving….my old enemy, we meet again. Here we are again, it’s this time of year. I completely dread this time of year, but I know that so so many people love it! And that’s fantastic! Don’t get me wrong, I love  it too. I absolutely LOVE Christmas and the feeling of fall and Thanksgiving. It’s an amazing feeling that you can only get from certain times. It’s the only time I ever get this unique feeling and I simply cherish it.

That being said, I hate one teeny, tiny aspect of it. (I’m sure most people love it. People are literally walking around asking if you are going to eat too much. Like….what????!?) I Hate The Eating Part. HATE IT. I find it absurd and I hate that their is an entire holiday focused on eating. Whatever happened to being thankful, truly thankful. It’s a time to be thankful for EVERYTHING that you have (food included, I guess). Everything from your family, job, food, home, friends, dogs, freedom, willingness of a person to go to an unknown country and protect a person they don’t even know, anything you can think of. I think that’s the beautiful part of Thanksgiving. That’s what I remember. That’s what I hold in my heart that day. That’s what I hope everyone else thinks of. I block out the food and the questions about college and overall irritating questions from eager but loving relatives. That’s what the day is about. 

Thanksgiving Owls http://www.misskatecuttables.com/products/thanksgiving/freebie-of-the-day-thanksgiving-owls.php

Second of all, my ED makes holidays like Christmas and Thanksgiving harder than they really should be, and probably way more difficult than they are for someone who doesn’t suffer from this burden. Because literally anytime I start to think that ED is gone, or less, or…a word I can’t describe. He comes creeping back in. He makes me day horrible. He makes me irritated beyond belief.  He opens up old wounds, peels off the old band-aid and allows the blood to come oozing out. He doesn’t care that it hurts. He doesn’t care that he causes pain. He DOES NOT care that this is a holiday to be happy and thankful and of celebration. Those feeling simply aren’t in his repertoire. Ed stabs you in the back, the front, the side basically anyplace he can jab his words.

“Salt in the wound like you’re laughing right at me.”

Bad blood taylor swift lyrics

But, this year, I’m trying something new. I’m trying to focus on all that I have to be THANKFUL for. Because there is honestly so so so very much that I have to be thankful for that quite frankly outranks and surpasses Ed. Why do I choose to burden myself with something that only causes me great pain? Well, I can’t always help that, but I can help the fact that I can channel all of my energy this holiday season into cherishing precious and few moments, and when I become overwhelmed with food and body image issues (WHICH I WILL. NO DOUBT.) I can take a breath, and remember that the people I’m choosing to celebrating with love me, and I don’t have to constantly live in anguish over what I currently look like in my clothes.

Thanking Jesus for who He is and all He does really helps my heart when Im overwhelmed.

10 Maya Angelou Quotes That'll Make You Love Life and Get Sh*t Done | Women's Health Magazine

Try to Have Yourself Merry Little Christmas

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Np9QrkUO554

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I’ve been sitting here on my couch for the past 15 minutes trying to do research on how people with eating disorders manage to somehow survive the holiday season without losing their mind. I never thought finding answers on the internet to a question I have would be so difficult! With 4 days until Christmas Eve, I’m starting to get a little nervous about all the food, candy, relatives and conversation that will be occurring over the next week and a half or so.

Sooo, anyways, all of the articles that I have read have basically said the same kind of thing. They say to create a list of things you fear could happen during the holidays, make sure you have a friend you can go to, and then to plan out everything as best you can. Some other articles I visited also stated that  I need to keep in mind that there will be obstacles over the holidays, and that I need to be open about Ed, my treatment and what I want and do not want to eat. They also reminded me not to be too hard on myself, because this is all part of the recovery process.

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One of the scariest houses I will have to go to over the next few days is my grandmother’s. This is because she is almost always asking if you are hungry, how your food tasted, what you think of it, if you want more and then she’s constantly hovering over you while you attempt to eat!!! It’s so nerve racking and turns  my anxiety up about 10 notches. It’s also pretty scary because of the fight that we had this summer because she wouldn’t stop talking about how everyone’s food tasted. So, again I say, I’m just completely terrified of going there. It’s just that all of her words put thoughts (that are already to common in my mind) in my head. They give Ed more power, (and like Ed needs anymore reasons to scream at my constantly).

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I just have to remember to take a deep breath. Think positively, and well, slowly and choose my words carefully. Try to remember that people just want to help and that they love me. And always, always remember that there is always something to be thankful for 🙂

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