Tag Archives: thought

Thinking Out Loud 6/22

Linking up with Amanda over on Running With Spoons for thinking out loud.

Thinking-Out-Loud21. First things first! I finally finished my latest cross stitch pattern (don’t worry, I already ordered another. One could say I’m a bit obsessed.) The one I just finished was Alice in Wonderland themed. Personally, I think it’s super cute. It’s the biggest and most complex one I’ve completed so far. I’m awful proud of myself.

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I ironed it all out after this picture. 

2. I thought Pretty Little Liars was kind of uneventful this week…for being the premiere and all. Honestly, I’m not that into the show anymore, mainly because I just can’t keep track of all the characters, all the crazy random things from seasons back that seem to suddenly matter and I just can’t remember all the wacky things that have occurred over the seasons. I just forget! Quite frankly, I’m pretty ready for this show to come to an end even though I’ve enjoyed it. I’m sticking with it though!! I didn’t watch for this many years not to see this thing through to the end!

3. On the other hand, Marty and I kept seeing all the previews for the new show called Guilt on Freeform. Basically, every time we saw it we would kind of poke fun at it but I was still just a bit interested. I ended up watching the show and I’ve got to say, I’m already kind of sucked into this show. I’m pretty excited to have a brand new show to watch. I WILL NOT be watching that new Dead of Summer show though. Just no.

4. I’ve started rereading the Little House series again by Laura Ingalls Wilder. I’ve always loved these books so I just thought they would be a good summer reading project. It will also be a good way to pass the time while I wait for my new cross stitch pattern to come in the mail. (I usually don’t order them.) Anyway, the books got me thinking that maybe I should start watching the show so now I’ve got the DVR recording them whenever they come on. I feel like such an old soul. But Laura Ingalls is just so cute!

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5. Finally, on Tuesday I got to watch Finding Dory! I went with one of my friends and that movie is just too cute for words! I really did enjoy watching it. I was a bit nervous about it because Dory wasn’t exactly one of my favorite characters from the original flick. I’m glad I got to see it though 🙂 Thanks discount Tuesdays at our local Cinemark!

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Link Love 6/19

Fun/Quiz:

See 100 Years of Family Dinners in Under Just 3 Minutes– by Erin Brelsford via OneCountry

Ewwww to 1935. And wait, that was dinner in 1975??? YES! 1985 with the sloppy joes. I also love to see all the different plates and their various patterns.

How Many Mary-Kate and Ashley Movies and Shows Have You Seen?– by Alyse Whitney via PopSugar

This makes me want to watch their movies AND go back and watch all the ones I’ve never seen.

The New Pixar Short Short Before ‘Finding Dory’ Is The Cutest Thing The Studio Has Ever Done– by Johnny Brayson via Bustle

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Image  and Walt Disney Pictures; Pixar

Health:

Please Let’s Stop Going To Extremes With Nutrition– by Ellyn Satter via Figureate

Fear and Its Role in Your Eating Disorder (and Recovery)– by Cayanne via HealthyEzSweetLife

 

Because you just needed to know this!!!!!

American Girl Just Released an Adorable New Doll Line- by  Kaitlin Menza via GoodHouse Keeping

Link Love: Mother’s Day Edition

Happy Mother’s Day to all the wonderful mothers out there!!!!

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Happy Mother’s Day to my Mommy who I have to say, is pretty amazing. We may or may not have this best friend relationship type going on. Be jealous. She’s been one of my-if not the biggest-supporter through all these years of eating disorder recovery and I could not be any more thankful 🙂 (Think Gilmore Girls) I can’t show you what I got her for MD but it’s pretty dang cute and I’m proud of the cuteness and symbolic part I got from it. Hopefully she’ll like it.

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Health/Body Positive:

Eating Recovery Day: Why We Celebrate– via Eating Recovery Center

11 Totally BS Things Life Is Too Short For– by Lindsay Holmes via Huffington Post

HA HA #5!! #6 I also think is pretty important.

Candace Cameron Bure Opens Up About Her Recovery From Bulimia– Alexandria Gomez via Women’s Health Magazine

The 5 Things Your Scale Would Say If It Could Talk– by Cayanne via HealthyEzSweet

Fun/Quizzes:

13 Stages Every Jesse & Becky ‘Shipper Experiences When Watching ‘Full House’– by Jordana Lipsitz via Bustle

They are just so sweet ❤ But Becky’s wedding dress…..”have mercy!!!”

12 ’90s Movies That Will Take You Right Back To Your Childhood Summers– by Courtney Lindley via Bustle

YES. Babysitter’s Club, Parent Trap, A League Of Their Own! Just, all of them.

When Are Bath & Body Works 90’s Scents Coming Back? – by Kali Borovic via Bustle

I’m totally guilty of wearing Cucumber Melon. (Major icky to me now!) I think it was my first scent?? I just miss Brown Sugar and Fig.

14 Things You Would Have Said To Your Parents In The 90’s– by Lara Rutherford-Morrison via Bustle

Personally, I found the Internet boring this week.

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Can I Have A Burger Now?

If you are anything like me, you have a lot of random thoughts during the day. At least, I hope I’m not the only one. Lately, I’ve had this recurring thought that I can’t seem to shake about my condition with my eating disorder, recovery and overall health.

I find myself wondering daily if working out all the time and eating “healthy” is really all worth it anymore. Sure, you should probably treat your body nicely and not just shove junk food in it all the time. But at what point do we stop? At what point does “eating healthy” stop. At what point does “healthy lifestyle” stop for me?? I keep telling myself that I can cut down on the workouts and eat different food and eat a freaking hamburger every now and then (I literally can’t remember the time I ate one. Actually, I can’t remember the last time I ate fast food.) I’m scared of it. But I just kinda want Sonic so bad! But…I’m a scaredy cat. What else can I do? When can I stop killing myself to keep fit?

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Lately, I walk around wondering when I stop torturing my body. When do I “let myself go” or “let myself live”? What is that point? I’ve been thinking lately, I’ve done the whole “super thin/fit/eating disorder look” hell, there are pictures to prove that from basically my entire college career and I’ve got bridal and wedding photos to prove that I was fairly sick. Do I really have to be that extreme anymore? Do I really have to keep trying to maintain a lifestyle where buying clothes at the store is a chore because of the size or only being able to eat certain foods on menus at restaurants because they don’t have an insane amount of calories or fat? Do I really have to constantly be a slave to some sort of running/elliptical every single day in order to maintain my current weight? Eventually, I’d like to think that I’m going to be able to take a day off from workouts and not freak the frick out or do yoga one day instead of intense cardio. There has to be a point where I can eat a sandwich on regular bread and not think anything of it, right?  I mean, there is photographic evidence in my life that I was thin and I was capable of being a thin person. I will forever have those photos. So, do I keep trekking down that road? Do I stop and suddenly eat whatever normally is?

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Does it end when I just give up working out altogether? I don’t necessarily think that’s the best idea. I think that might screw me up more. Right now I don’t have a ton going on so I would need something to fill my time. Plus, that sounds like I’m basically asking myself to be more restrictive with food. Does it end when I have a baby? If I can even have one. Does it end when I eventually get my first teaching job? I don’t think I will be able to come home from work every day and do a 30-45 minute running session. I just don’t. Which scares the ever-loving daylights out of me. You can’t even fathom how terrifying that is to me. That’s a whole bunch of change just thrown at me at once. I’ll be a first year teacher, have a job from at least 7:30-4, have to figure out dinner, commutes, and I just don’t see how workouts can always be an everyday thing. It’s scary.

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This whole thought process of mine lately is scary. I just keep wondering…..what if I wasn’t a size 2, what if it was a size 4 or 6 instead. Would that change anything? Would people suddenly think I was ridiculous or would they even notice? I’m not saying I want to go from one extreme to another (which would be having a body weight that was no longer healthy for my height) I’m just saying that what if I finally got to live like a normal person?

Also, can I just go eat something from Sonic now???

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Peanut Butter Swamp

Stop Comparing Yourself To Others And Focus On You — Here’s How– by Lisa Quast via Forbes

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Do you ever feel like you are standing completely still and the world is just whizzing by? Like you are sprinting as fast as you can but the peanut butter you are trekking through is slowing you down? It just won’t let you move any quicker than you are already going? Am I the only one who feels like I’m trying so hard, exerting all the efforts and doing everything I can the “right way” but still coming up a little short than others? Am I the only one who feels like they are stuck in a peanut butter swamp?!

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Don’t get me wrong, I love my peanut butter; but I don’t love running in it.

We’ve heard it said before that comparing yourself to others won’t get you anywhere. It won’t make you feel better about yourself. It won’t make you more successful and it doesn’t mean you are better than anybody else. Comparison creates misery. It doesn’t matter what we are comparing ourselves to others on, whether it be our body, our job, our intelligence, relationships, cooking skills, friendships or anything else under the sun, it’s all so self-destructive and damaging.

Everyone is on their own journey in life. We are all in different places. Lately, I’ve noticed in myself that as I look at these snapshots of other people’s lives on Instagram or Facebook I feel a little discouraged. I see people around my age getting married or graduating (which I’ve done both), getting a job, becoming more physically fit, reaching diet goals, reaching life goals, having a baby, traveling and seeming to have these grand successes. And I’m happy for them! I truly am but I feel like I’m standing in thick peanut butter. I can’t seem to stop myself from comparing my life to theirs! What is wrong with me?! It’s not that I’m not content with where I am. I love my life and everything God has provided me. I think that at times I just feel discouraged because I feel like I’m trying as hard as I possibly can to get a job and just come up short. Or, I see other women my age having a baby and it starts to me nervous and think… “Oh, should I be trying to have a baby? Am I getting old?!” (I know that’s an irrational thought. I’m NOT old. I also know that starting a family right now is not a road I want to venture down. However, that doesn’t stop my panic every now and then.) Then I see all the ads, progress pictures or just already in great shape women I follow and think that I’m “letting myself go”. I begin to think that I’m not pretty enough, I’m not working out hard enough and I’m going to gain all this weight and not be happy.

Here’s where my history with an eating disorder does not work in my favor. When I’m stressed out (which I already am with working towards recovery) I originally found my eating disorder voice. When I felt like I wasn’t good enough I found myself masking my emotions and feelings aside and trading them in for workouts, food restriction and cutting myself off from others. I was scared just like I am now. I have to fight so hard to keep my mind away from those thoughts. Some days they get the best of me. Some days I have to coach myself and say, “It’s okay to eat. It’s not going to make you less of a person.” or “You don’t have to run more than 4 miles. Moving a little is better than not moving at all.” I’m so terrified by other’s success that I feel like my minor ones are insignificant or even worse, failures.

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The fact that I can run 4 miles now, is a success. However, when I see these Instagram posts, “super fit pregnancy” pictures or Pinterest things with photographs of way physically fit women, I suddenly feel like less of a person and my confidence is shaken. I just start to wonder what I’m doing wrong or what else I could do to achieve their success. I feel like I’ve fallen behind. When I see someone else finally get the job they have been looking for, I begin that exact same cycle of comparison and wonder what I could do differently…..to achieve their success.

The two key words here are their success. Wait, why do I have somebody else’s success?! I AM capable of my OWN success. I just have to be patient. I have to work on myself. I have to be content with where I am in my journey in life. I don’t want someone else’s used gum, so why would I want someone else’s success? It’s already being used there. I want my own! Just like I want my own York patties, pizza and peanut butter sandwich 🙂

We haven’t “fallen behind” as we so often feel. We aren’t less of a person because we don’t look like someone else or aren’t in the exact same place as some people in our journey in life! We don’t know how long the person we are comparing ourselves to has been stuck in their own peanut butter swamp or what it took to get them to their current success. We are just us. We are all just doing the best we can. The best thing we can remember is this:

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And to remember to be patient and content-even in hard times-in our own peanut butter swamp.

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Society Is A Real WhatChaMaCallIt!

Today I found myself at a job fair. I’m on a major hunt for a steady teaching job right now. At this job fair, I wandered around and spoke to some schools but that’s not the point I’m getting to. I visited this one particular table where they had a fun-size candy bucket. Once I left the building, I sort of aquatinted myself with being “that kid” at Halloween. We all know the “one” I mean; the “one” who takes one than one single piece of your fun-size candy in the bucket. That was mean today…I took like 3..maybe 4. That’s what they are for, right?

As I was leaving the building to go run some other errands, I got to thinking about something that I didn’t realized bugged me until today. You know all those articles that pop up around Halloween, Christmas, Valentine’s Day and Easter about ‘how long you have to run to work off holiday treats’ or ‘what 100 calories really looks like in your candy’? I decided that they really infuriate me!!! It makes me mad in my deep, down core for multiple reasons. Here we go, deep breath.

Oh! Do you get the title now? A real WhatChaMaCallIt??? You just gotta Rolo with my Mounds of Gummie jokes here.

Article examples:

These Photos of 100 Calories of Valentine’s Day Candy Will Probably Break Your Heart– by Jenny Sugar via PopSugar

How Long It Takes to Burn Off Your Favorite Fun-Size Treat– by Leta Shy via PopSugar

How Much Exercise It Takes To Burn Off Your Favorite Valentine’s Sweets– by Kaylin Pound via Elite Daily

First of all: IT’S A DANG HOLIDAY!!!!!!!

Aren’t these the days that we aren’t supposed to be worrying about calories or what we are eating. Aren’t we supposed to be enjoying these holidays? Are we not allowed to divulge a little bit?! It’s Christmas/Halloween/insert your favorite holiday here for crying out loud! Heck, even if it’s not a holiday, maybe you just had a really crumby Thursday and wanted to eat your fun-size Snickers. I don’t think you should be judged.

Second of all: WHY are we so hyper-focused on ‘burning off’ our food?

Personally, because I’m still in the process of recovering from an eating disorder I do sometimes think about how I’m going to get rid of whatever I just ate later. However, I don’t think normal people are doing that. That’s not normal or intuitive eating. That’s disorder eating!!! These articles are having people think disordered thoughts! This is how eating disorders begin, y’all! When you begin to think ‘oh, how many miles am I going to have to run later?’ or ‘how many minutes of spin class/yoga do I need to do?’ if I eat *this specific piece of candy/chocolate* that’s when you are no longer enjoying what is supposed to be a treat. That’s when you begin to not want to eat anything be vegetables and water. We shouldn’t constantly have to feel like we need to have “food guilt” when we eat a fun-size snack! It’s highly dangerous in my opinion and these articles are just thrown around on just about every holiday I can think of.

Third of all: Why does society feel the need to constantly tell us to ‘be fit’ or workout?

I see it everywhere. Magazines, Facebook, random ads that pop up, news sites, radio, there are more places I know but those are all I can dish out right now. I see these headlines of ‘shrink 3 sizes in 2 weeks’, ‘look hot from behind’ and ‘look great naked’ among countless others. This one almost takes the cake for me: ‘how I got my body back’ wait, was it lost!? Good gosh, can’t we just be happy how we are?! These articles and magazines go around preaching ‘self-love’ but it really seems like are leaning towards promoting self-hate. Why do we need any articles about this at the grocery store? Where’s the article about how to like yourself more? I NEED that one!

I can’t really say it any better than how this Instagram user I follow said it. Her account is Nourish And Eat and her name is Gina and she promotes loving yourself and eating disorder recovery. She’s pretty inspirational.

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Finally: If we analyze everything we put in our mouth…..are we really living and enjoying life?

That’s the whole point of eating disorder recovery. It’s about feeling all your emotions and enjoying life and everything in it. I don’t know about you, but this girl needs her chocolate and I’d like to be able to savor it and not worry about what I just consumed and how I’m going to rid myself of it later. Life is meant to be enjoyed not merely in fun-size, but all the time. I think we just need to focus less on the ‘what’s in my holiday candy’ and enjoy eating the holiday candy we love! Because let’s be honest, it’s so so so very good and one perk of being an adult is getting to take more than one piece out of the Halloween candy bucket that night 😉

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Easter Bunny Thoughts

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Image: http://vividscreen.info/pic/cute-white-bunny-painting/20150/for-1920×1200

Does Easter make anyone else feel..well, weird? Sad-like? No? Just me? I thought so. I don’t know why but Easter has always given me this gloomy feeling, even when I was a child. I know that even if you aren’t religious like I am that it shouldn’t be a holiday that makes you feel “sad”. If you are religious, then it’s a day you should celebrate Christ rising from the grave and saving you from enduring a life of pain and suffering. Which is just even think about if you step back and let that soak in. If you aren’t, it’s still a happy day, you think about this adorable white bunny (the Easter bunny I picture in my head is white. Yours might be brown or spotted or something. Lol) that comes and brings you eggs and best of all…..CHOCOLATE!!

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Image: https://sqonline.ucsd.edu/wp-content/uploads/2015/04/chocolate-easter-bunny.jpg

I don’t know, maybe I’m just a weirdo. I was thinking about all of this last night while I was helping out with the children at church last night while the entire story of Easter was being read to them. As I was driving home it was still daylight and the sun was setting. It seems like I’m never going to get used to this whole spring forward nonsense, but yesterday it was a blessing because I got to see this:

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The sun was setting and the clouds were just right to create the ray of light streaming. It was beautiful. The fact that I had just listened to the Easter story and was thinking about the whole concept of Easter made me feel like God was really speaking to my heart through the sunset. It was actually very comforting.

Also yesterday I did some fun shopping 🙂 I’m very proud of my Hobby Lobby purchase for the kitchen. We have a whole bunch of empty space above our cabinets and on one side I put these old Peanuts glasses that my mom had but the other side was awkwardly empty. I’d been wanting something that sort of represented us but still fit with the theme of our kitchen. I was really sad because these super cute old timey food/diner type things just wouldn’t work —> Seriously, how cute is that burger boy?!?!?!

But it turns out I was even more successful!!! I found this sheep!! Considering my husband works most of the time with sheep and sheep seem to always be in my front yard, this was just perfect. I just felt like I couldn’t have picked anything better.

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With Easter coming up I’m having some anxiety over Easter dinners and not working out. I’m probably over compensating in areas that I shouldn’t be but I can’t really help it right now. I know that I’m almost certain to miss a workout day and that’s just kind of driving me up the wall. I’m trying to be okay with it because I really know that you actually don’t have to workout 7 days a week and that is it perfectly fine to take a rest day!! I just don’t normally do that so I’m freaking out a bit. I’m trying really hard to be at ease with it but for me that is way easier said than done. I know that God will be there with me this Easter holiday weekend though, through all the dinners (I think I have my side of the family convinced to eat Easter pizza) and hopefully a little bit of chocolate that comes my way 😉

Link Love & NEDA Awareness Week

This week marks the beginning of National Eating Disorder Association’s Eating Disorder Awareness Week: February 21-27 (Also rare disease awareness day is February 29th, my brother has ITP.)

In honor of that, huge kudos to Aerie by American Eagle for selling this shirt that all of the proceeds during this week go towards supporting NEDA.

https://www.ae.com/aerie/browse/product.jsp?productId=9931_9245_030&catId=cat7520264&icid=Aerie:AerieSupports:Sec2:NedaTee:ShopNow

Image: http://www.ae.com/aerie/browse/aerie_supports.jsp?catId=cat7610002&navdetail=mega:aerie:c1:p12

Interesting Reads:

Fun Stuff/Quizzes:

Recipes To Try:

(I’ve been really wanting to try/make some lately!)

Already A Little Old Lady

I’m already an old lady!! I got more/new supplies to do my cross stitch with!!!!

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Hi, Gilmore Girls binge season watching! 

Marty says I could’ve survived during the Pioneer days.

A while back I decided I should probably develop a hobby that wasn’t running or working out. Plus, the Internet at my house isn’t the greatest (but hopefully that’s going to improve soon). When I was just a little younger, I started cross stitching because my mom said she used to enjoy it back in the day. My first year of college I stitched a few things while I sat in my dorm and watching tons of Grey’s Anatomy. Then, after that, I sort of stopped or forgot about it or something.

Anyways, once Marty and I got married I decided I needed something to do to fill my time with. I finished student teaching in December and it was Christmas time (YAY!!!!!! I miss it already!) so I started to do these little ornaments (the house I showed the other day was one of the ones I was supposed to have done then). I did a gingerbread man and a candy cane during the holiday time and then sort of stopped. I finished that little house quickly and decided I needed new patterns.

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Enter Etsy. What a wonderful site 🙂 I found a set of 4 super adorable woodland creature type animals that make me smile when I look at them so I’m currently working on those. Hopefully I don’t give up or get bored or something.

Sometimes my hands get pretty tired but that just means it is time for a browsing Pinterest/Instagram/Facebook session 😉

Oh! I also randomly got these bagel crisps yesterday at the store. HEB kind of rocks even though I have a love/hate relationship with it. I used to loveeeee bagels, but I try to stay away from them now, because well in my head I have that they are “bad”. Not the point here!!! Anyways, these are flippin’ fantastic.

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Link Love: Channeling Love Today

There’s another blogger I follow, her name is Julia and her blog is called Lord Still Loves Me.

http://www.lord-still-loves-me.com/

 She’s pretty cute and inspirational 🙂 She usually does a “Link Love” blog each week where she links to articles, quizzes, fun things, and interesting finds all across the World Wide Web. I’ve found myself coming across many good finds/reads this week so I’m going to follow suit.

This is her link to her Link Love this week: http://www.lord-still-loves-me.com/link-love-february-6th-2016/#more-5182

Health:

Food and Fitness: The Case for Letting Go of Extremism- Jennifer Rollin

Pretty much a hit home with me.

http://www.huffingtonpost.com/jennifer-rollin/food-and-fitness-the-case_b_9106092.html

Things That Make You Think:

7 Things I’d Rather Be Than Hot- Grace Valentine

This just goes along with today’s society and thinking about how people are more than just what they look like.

http://theodysseyonline.com/baylor/7-things-rather-hot/168793

66 Things To Be Grateful For, Big and Small- Sierra Horton

YES! Your pets, heating, coffee (or Coke if you are me), #48, #59, and #65

http://www.popsugar.com/smart-living/Things-Grateful-36053829

Books I Want To Read:

You’re Already Amazing- Holley Gerth

Furiously Happy: A Funny Book About Horrible Things- Jenny Lawson

Fun Stuff/Quizzes: My fun things are pretty much all in the spirit of the upcoming Valentine’s Day 🙂 ❤ I’m not really a super fan of Valentine’s Day, but I love the concept of it. (It’s super mushy gushy, and I don’t totally buy into the whole ‘buy me expensive jewelry, flowers and post allllll over social media that you love me. But it’s still a cute day in theory)

Can We Guess Your Favorite Holiday With Questions About Food? Buzzfeed I  got Halloween. They are definitely wrong!!!!

http://www.buzzfeed.com/sjufmkjgjesj/we-know-your-favorite-holiday-based-on-your-food-c-1xu0n

Which Disney Prince Should Be Your Valentine? Buzzfeed I got Prince Eric. Ehh, I’m more of a Prince Phillip kind of girl.

http://www.buzzfeed.com/jonmichaelpoff/which-disney-prince-should-be-your-valentine#.vsL5ZDGX7

8 Pun-tastic & Printable Valentine’s Day Cards! One Good Thing! By Jillee http://www.onegoodthingbyjillee.com/2015/02/8-pun-tastic-printable-valentines-day-cards.html

Hope your week is filled with love,

XOXO ❤