Tomorrow is a very exciting day for me. I get to go wedding dress shopping!!! I got engaged just a little over a week ago…..but don’t think I’m nuts. I’m just excited and this is perfectly logical. For a long time I’ve dreamed about marrying someone I cannot see myself without, just like any girl does. And now….. “I have found the one whom my soul loves.” Song of Solomon 3:4. I can’t even believe I’m at this point in life for this! I’m literally so excited. All I can think about is how different this December is so different from the last. It just seems like we, and myself too, have such an incredibly long way.
Now as extremely excited as I am, this process also gives me some great anxiety. First, I don’t know that I ever thought I was good enough, nice enough or pretty enough for someone to want to marry. I really began this thought process when I was a senior in high school and throughout my first couple of years of college. Plus, how could anyone fall in love with a girl who has an eating disorder and literally hates themselves some days? I don’t know, but it happens. That’s the funny thing about God. I firmly believe that He has a person for everyone but He didn’t allow me to realize mine until His perfect timing. Not mine, but HIS.
About these trying on dress anxieties. I’ve had a long struggle with numbers on clothing, so this could potentially turn to the dark side. But it won’t. This is such an incredible and happy day! There’s no conceivable reason that I should be worrying what size wedding dress I wear or what I look like in it. I continuously remind myself that I’m not marrying Ed, (a figment of my imagination) but a man. A kind, understanding, giving and loving man who knows that Ed is an occasional house guest. But there’s no room for Ed at this inn. He has no home or guest room here in this new journey I begin. In this new journey that we begin.
Trying on the dress is a happy moment that really lets you know that this excited dream-like feeling you’ve been walking around with is real! Actually real. This is happening. This is one of the biggest moments in my life and I’m going to enjoy it. 🙂