Tag Archives: wedding

You Are My Sunshine

It was a weekend filled with family, love, super scary food adventures and most importantly celebrating love 🙂

This past weekend my husband and I traveled to Marathon, Texas for a family wedding. There isn’t a whole lot in this town, however the hotel we stayed at was phenomenal and the views were just spectacular! It really was a highly enjoyable weekend and great to get away for just a few hours.

We stayed at The Gage Hotel which was also the location of the wedding. It was a beautiful venue! I don’t know how the bride found it but it was lovely.

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We stayed in this old colonial style house (I think it said it was colonial. I can’t really remember all that well. Who cares, it was gorgeous.) with some other family members as we enjoyed the weekend.

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Most of my time was filled with visiting with family members, getting to know them better or just spending time with my husband. On Saturday morning Marty and I walked from our room down to this super adorable restaurant to enjoy breakfast. We were the only ones there because we are both such early risers.

I did manage to get a run in that morning as well. Marathon is really small so I basically ran the entire town as my route. The first part of the run I was basically playing photographer instead of running. The view of the “mountains” was just too neat! Very pretty. Also, windmills. Windmills everywhere! I actually find windmills a nice view by themselves.

Throughout the whole weekend I tried my very hardest to keep the screaming ED thoughts at bay. This is so difficult when they are usually so prominent. I wanted to enjoy the mini vacation and time with my husband and family. This is difficult though when I’m eating foods that are just SO foreign and sometimes you don’t even know that they are. I’m terrified of food that I don’t know the caloric content of and so I was face to face with one of my biggest fears every meal every day we were there. I was faced with people asking how my food was, asking if I had eaten and I felt like were watching me. I’m just different when it comes to food. I just want to eat it and not discuss it. Other people, normal people, that don’t have eating issues, are probably able to enjoy food more easily and discuss among themselves. It just keeps me like a cat on a hot tin roof! I tried to keep myself from being too on edge about it. I really did.

I did make one discovery at lunch Saturday though! I ate part of M’s sandwich and I learned that I think I like rye bread. I need to go to HEB asap so check this stuff out!

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Saturday evening was wedding time!!! The location for the ceremony was in the backyard of the house we were staying at and it was just gorgeous. It was simple but the scenery really took your breath away. The weather in Texas was finally cooperating as well!

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We ended the evening by having dinner at the reception and celebrating with the bride and groom.

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You are my sunshine, my only sunshine. You make me happy, when skies are gray 🙂

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This weekend I had to learn to let go of some of my control. I can’t ALWAYS pack my lunch. I can’t ALWAYS know about food beforehand. I can’t ALWAYS be expected to pick the lowest calorie/most healthy choice on the menu. There are just some things I literally cannot know prior to events. I can’t let that damper my experiences though! I can’t let food keep me from having fun or a good time. I can’t let myself walk around in one giant ball of worry and anxiety because I’m worried about how this piece of bread will work in my body and where I’m going to find it in the mirror lately. Sometimes, you have to try and live in the moment and actually live.

Sometimes, you have to be fearless.

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Chocolate Pie Attempts and Grateful Hearts

Thanksgiving. A day devoted to being thankful for everything that God has given you. Sometimes I forget to be thankful and then, all of a sudden, out of nowhere something small reminds me and I realize just how incredibly blessed I am.

Free Thanksgiving Scripture Printables

For example, a few weeks ago, it was talking to the students in my classroom. There were talking about lunch and this one boy was saying that he wasn’t going to eat just to see how long he could go without food. I explained that he had to eat in order to live. Then, the entire class tried to correct me and say that another one of the students never eats lunch and that’s how she is so thin. This broke my heart in half!!!! I then explained again that she must eat a little bit or she must be eating at another point in time. It was right then and there that I remembered how thankful I was that my eating disorder hadn’t…well, killed me…and I had the opportunity to try and help those students. I was thankful to be in that room of young minds and get to interact with them and help them learn; even though in that moment I was clearly learning something from them.

Such lovely sayings for Thanksgiving -- click for more quotes! http://thestir.cafemom.com/in_the_news/164469/16_thanksgiving_quotes_about_gratitude

The other day, it was just some random song that came on the radio that reminded me how much I enjoyed the life that God has given me! And today, it was getting the notice that I passed my final teacher certification test that I took on Monday!!!!!!! (And also getting wedding pictures. I would post some, but apparently my internet just straight up sucks!) I was so nervous and worried over it, but it was God’s will that I pass that dang test. He was with me the whole time I took it which enabled me to excel at it.

Thanksgiving Owl SVG cutting file thanksgiving svg cuts cute clip art clipart turkey cut file for scrapbooking

Sometimes, it’s simple things in life that remind you of everything that you have. It makes you just take a moment and soak it all in. Life is wonderful, y’all and I am so blessed with everything and by EVERYONE that is in mine!!!

Now, I’m not really a fan of the whole Thanksgiving holiday/feast thing. Like at all. Me and food, well we go way back, but we aren’t really friends. So I still have quite the aversion to the whole ‘let’s eat/make a whole bunch of food’ thing.  Food brings a whole lot of anxiety and fear that I’m currently trying to cope with. However, I am quite a fan of thinking about everything God has supplied you with and being thankful, spending time with family (even if you get to see them often), spending time with friends, traditions, baking, the love and joy, and anything else you can think of that the holiday entails (….like the start of the Christmas season maybe?)  Today, tomorrow and Friday (I’m also celebrating that day) I’m just really trying to focus on everything in my life that brings joy, happiness and is positive. This holiday does have positive aspects!!! Even if through my eyes it’s mostly all about eating. I’m trying my very hardest to overlook that part and focus on the thankful portion or what I believe is the core of the whole day.

Since I’m already rambling…this year is my first Thanksgiving as a married woman. So, I’m trying out some new recipes as well as making some foods that are new to me, like chocolate pies. I had an attempt at that today (it’s basically the only kind of pie Marty will eat.) I attempted 1…okay 2. The key word there is attempted. Hopefully one of them turns out alright! If not, well I’m sure there will be plenty of turkey left.

Anyway……God has been so good to me, y’all!!!

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Bwahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha!!!!!!!!  LMAO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Going to the Chapel….& We’re Almost Married

10.17.15. A day I’ve been waiting for, for almost a year now. It seems like ages since last Thanksgiving when we actually got engaged and now it’s FINALLY here!! I’m so excited I can hardly concentrate on anything else. I find myself consumed with thoughts of the wedding all day long while trying to concentrate on student teaching. It’s strange to think that in 2 days, I’ll be married. In about 48 hours…..I’ll be a Mrs. People can refer to me by a different last name. It’s an odd feeling, but also a warm and fuzzy one. I mean, I’m marrying my best friend; can I really ask for more?

10.17.15. A day that also caused me a gigantic anxiety attack during lunch break yesterday. I was asked to do something clearly last minute and clearly out of the blue on Thursday afternoon that clashed with previous plans. It wasn’t til 8 last night I knew it was an anxiety attack, but it was. I found myself struggling not to ball my eyes out crouched down in a corner in the classroom. That would’ve been some sight, having a bunch of 5th graders march in from lunch to find their student teacher (who they’ve known for merely 2 days at that point) crying in the corner. I managed to compose myself and realize that it wasn’t that Earth shattering. It just happened to not be in my plan. Everything could still happen, it was just going to be shifted 30-45 minutes or so. I also toyed with the idea yesterday during the attack of just going into the bathroom and throwing up. It wasn’t a pretty 20 minutes I’ll tell you. Did I do it? No. Did I want to? Hell yeah. But was that actually going to make me feel better? No, definitely not. Will ED be there Friday and Saturday? Probably. Can I shut him up? Probably not. But I can lower his volume for 12 hours? I can really try harder than I ever have. I’ve got to really try. I’ve got to block out ED’s voice. For 3 days, I’ve got to listen to him scream, stomp his feet and throw a tantrum because I don’t have the time to devote a whole hour to the elliptical and him!

Getting married is stressful and really is so much effort and work to plan/coordinate. (I do have to remember though, I’m the idiot who wanted to get married in October in the middle of student teaching.) It can also be a very beautiful though. This is a magic time. It’ll never happen again. I know everyone says “you won’t remember a thing from the wedding.” I plan to prove them wrong. Sure, I won’t remember what we ate, the flowers, probably majority of the reception or special moments though: my Daddy walking me down the aisle, our first kiss as husband and wife, the vows, our first look pictures, heck, maybe even our first dance. Those are the parts that matter. I want to soak it all in. Take the time and effort to remember. Because this is a magic time and day in life. 

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2 Years Ago….and Still on the Journey

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2 years ago today I went to my first counseling/therapy session. It was a really difficult decision to tell myself and actually admit that I needed help. I still need help. So much of it. I’m so scared and I didn’t even realize it. I didn’t realize it until today, actually. I’ve felt super sad all day and it’s because all this week I’ve been desperately trying to fit my “restricted list” foods into my student teacher diet/upcoming wedding dress diet. I’m trying so very hard to handle everything that I feel has come so quickly at me. I feel the pressure and the stress coming and when I begin to feel that, I restrict more and I workout more to just try and alleviate some of the anxiety I am beginning to feel. When I realized why I felt so incredibly down and sad today I hadn’t realized that it was a feeling I had suppressed for quite a while. It’s back…..with a vengeance.

You're going to get through this, okay

That’s a bunch of rambling, but for the most part, I think that this is a journey that I’m going to be on for the rest of my life. I struggle through both sides of the spectrum as well. I struggle with actually wanting help and wanting to get better and then wanting to punch anyone who wants to help me at all. It’s a strange tightrope I walk. It’s a journey to face your fears. It’s a journey to get up every day and tell yourself that you are going to love yourself today and not totally completely loathe your body. All of this combine is a journey and all of this…is well, fearless.

Something Old, Something New

Classic | Flint Hill Wedding from Amy Arrington Photography  Read more - http://www.stylemepretty.com/georgia-weddings/2013/10/21/flint-hill-wedding-from-amy-arrington-photography/

Tomorrow is a very exciting day for me. I get to go wedding dress shopping!!! I got engaged just a little over a week ago…..but don’t think I’m nuts. I’m just excited and this is perfectly logical. For a long time I’ve dreamed about marrying someone I cannot see myself without, just like any girl does. And now….. “I have found the one whom my soul loves.” Song of Solomon 3:4. I can’t even believe I’m at this point in life for this! I’m literally so excited. All I can think about is how different this December is so different from the last. It just seems like we, and myself too, have such an incredibly long way.

Elizabeth de Varga Wedding Dress // Featured in 'Old Hollywood Styled Shoot' on Modern Wedding. Photography by Artography, flowers by Ginger & Lily Floral Studio.

Now as extremely excited as I am, this process also gives me some great anxiety. First, I don’t know that I ever thought I was good enough, nice enough or pretty enough for someone to want to marry. I really began this thought process when I was a senior in high school and throughout my first couple of years of college. Plus, how could anyone fall in love with a girl who has an eating disorder and literally hates themselves some days? I don’t know, but it happens. That’s the funny thing about God. I firmly believe that He has a person for everyone but He didn’t allow me to realize mine until His perfect timing. Not mine, but HIS.

About these trying on dress anxieties. I’ve had a long struggle with numbers on clothing, so this could potentially turn to the dark side. But it won’t. This is such an incredible and happy day! There’s no conceivable reason that I should be worrying what size wedding dress I wear or what I look like in it. I continuously remind myself that I’m not marrying Ed, (a figment of my imagination) but a man. A kind, understanding, giving and loving man who knows that Ed is an occasional house guest. But there’s no room for Ed at this inn. He has no home or guest room here in this new journey I begin. In this new journey that we begin.

Trying on the dress is a happy moment that really lets you know that this excited dream-like feeling you’ve been walking around with is real! Actually real. This is happening. This is one of the biggest moments in my life and I’m going to enjoy it. 🙂

Knowing that every day is going to be a work in progress regardless of your stage in recovery.

have guests throw/blow glitter instead of rice! Oh SO DOING THIS on my wedding day!! My dream. Raining glitter!!