I’ve been sitting here on my couch for the past 15 minutes trying to do research on how people with eating disorders manage to somehow survive the holiday season without losing their mind. I never thought finding answers on the internet to a question I have would be so difficult! With 4 days until Christmas Eve, I’m starting to get a little nervous about all the food, candy, relatives and conversation that will be occurring over the next week and a half or so.
Sooo, anyways, all of the articles that I have read have basically said the same kind of thing. They say to create a list of things you fear could happen during the holidays, make sure you have a friend you can go to, and then to plan out everything as best you can. Some other articles I visited also stated that I need to keep in mind that there will be obstacles over the holidays, and that I need to be open about Ed, my treatment and what I want and do not want to eat. They also reminded me not to be too hard on myself, because this is all part of the recovery process.
One of the scariest houses I will have to go to over the next few days is my grandmother’s. This is because she is almost always asking if you are hungry, how your food tasted, what you think of it, if you want more and then she’s constantly hovering over you while you attempt to eat!!! It’s so nerve racking and turns my anxiety up about 10 notches. It’s also pretty scary because of the fight that we had this summer because she wouldn’t stop talking about how everyone’s food tasted. So, again I say, I’m just completely terrified of going there. It’s just that all of her words put thoughts (that are already to common in my mind) in my head. They give Ed more power, (and like Ed needs anymore reasons to scream at my constantly).
I just have to remember to take a deep breath. Think positively, and well, slowly and choose my words carefully. Try to remember that people just want to help and that they love me. And always, always remember that there is always something to be thankful for 🙂