Positive People!!!

Yesterday I forgot a VERY important person on  my list of positive people!

Cassey Ho of blogilates.com

I literally have watched her videos and worked out with her for about 2 1/2 years and I love her! She’s always honest and positive and makes her fans of her videos, or “popsters” as they are called, feel like they really know her personally. She’s bubbly, fun, exciting, always coming up with fresh new ideas and is kinda of a joy to watch. She makes working out seem like more fun and it appears that she thoroughly LOVES what she is doing. She helped me through some of my darker times. Shes always reaching out to her community of followers and even went so far as to promote positive body image after she was relentlessly tormented with highly negative comments about her own body (she was criticized for not being “fit enough” to be a fitness/yoga/pilates instructor). But she’s pretty inspiring y’all.

“How are we to know what kind of beauty can be naturally achieved when everything around us is so deceiving?”- Cassey Ho 

https://www.yahoo.com/beauty/fitness-star-cassey-ho-takes-on-the-perfect-body-117089175753.html

Great [Positive] Expectations

I walk around pretty much constantly making mental notes in my head of things I want to write, say, or just a different way to express my current state of mind. Basically, I’m always swirling some type of thought in my head. There have been many things I wanted to write lately but it just seemed like there wouldn’t be enough to say. Anyway, something that’s been on my heart lately is this whole “body shaming” pandemic. So many people have opinions about bodies, perfect and not. Everyone’s definition is different, too. What really is “skinny”, “curvy”, “fit”, “toned”, or “perfect”? What is that? It could be different for everyone and probably is! (SIDE BAR: saying ‘strong is the new skinny’ or ‘skinny girls look good in clothes, but fit girls look good naked’…IS BODY SHAMING.)

I’ve noticed a trend lately of younger celebrities speaking out against body shaming when they are criticized by the media for not having the “ideal” body (whatever that is.) I really love this because these young women are my age. I’m currently 20, I’ll be 21 in May and technically, I still consider myself still in transition to a “womanly body”. At this age, I still feel like only certain part of me have changed and not me as a whole. This is a HIGHLY difficult for me. Women’s and girl’s bodies are drastically different. Women do have more “curves” if you will, and younger girls tend to have less fat. Understandable, women have children and their body is preparing and changing for that purpose. I feel like I’m constantly changing. Most people probably don’t notice a daily (very minor) changes in their bodies, but I do ( I factor in the eating disorder for this). Either that or I am very aware and alert to my body.

I started this transition into a new body type in the second semester of my senior year in high school (so 2012). This was just before I entered college and began into the darker journey with E.D. I began to notice changes in my hip area and areas under my arms that were closer to my chest. I literally FREAKED. I changed the way I ate, worked out, and thought about myself. Thoughts became more destructive and this was also the time I made the switch from drinking regular soda to drinking diet soda. The “changes” happened for a while and then panned out………….until just a couple of weeks ago. My body took it upon itself to reorganize my..chest..area.

Nobody else would’ve noticed, but I did. Normal people probably don’t find an issue here, but for someone who is consumed with thoughts over how to control their body and obsess over what goes into me, it would’ve been nice to be consulted about the upcoming changes. But that’s not how things work; which is why today when I read about celebrities standing up for positive body image, I was excited. These girls are my age and their bodies are probably going through similar transitions to mine. I can relate to them because it seems like they are almost just like me.

We all know about Jennifer Lawrence and how she is always an advocate for positive body image, but what about some lesser known young women?

Selena Gomez: She was recently scrutinized by the media for not being “toned” and was called “fat” like she “let herself go” or something.

After that, she took to Instagram and posted a photo with the caption, “I love being happy with me y’all #theresmoretolove.”

Emma Watson: She is a positive role model for women everywhere.

http://www.examiner.com/article/emma-watson-talks-body-image-it-took-me-a-long-time-to-accept-my-shape

She states that “it’s ridiculous that [being comfortable with yourself] seems such an unrealistic goal.”

 “We have these unbelievably high expectations of ourselves, when actually we’re human beings and out bodies have a function.

“I keep telling myself that I’m a human being, an imperfect human being who’s not made to look like a doll.”

Zooey Deschanel:

http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2013/01/04/zooey-deschanel-body-image-dont-need-anorexic-successful_n_2409327.html

She states that some of the women she admired were, “Debra Winger, Diane Keaton, Meryl Streep—were all beautiful and thin, but not too thin.” She then goes on to say that there are many actresses who seem like they are skinny but it’s an unhealthy type of skinny.

“I’m a very small person, and if I lost 15 pounds, I’d look like them; it’s scary. For young girls, what does that say? You need to look this way to be successful? That’s not true. You do not need to look or be anorexic to be successful in Hollywood. The range of what’s acceptable is larger than what people believe.”

Her point is, you DON’T have to be super thin to be successful. It does not define you!!!!

My whole point is, is I’m not [we are not] alone in the battle. Not everyone has “perfect body” expectations. There are people out there [women] who genuinely want other women to be happy, proud and confident in their own skin.

Make The Moves Up As I Go

Do you ever wonder how you got yourself into a situation? Do you retrace your steps; go back to where it all began? Sometimes I just sit, fully immersed in thought and how I got to where I am and trying to even minimally comprehend God’s intense and beautiful plan. The other day I was enjoying this thought process. How did I get here? How did I get to be almost 21? How did I get to be at this level at college waiting to retake my last teacher certification exam? HOW did I get to the age where I was ready to get married? I mean, I’m about to go in for my dress fitting! Like, what? How did I even end up with this man and how did someone not find him in North Carolina before I did? How did I get here?

I think that a lot of people go through this thought process. You go through life thinking that everything is the same. You live day to day, in the same routine until suddenly; you realize that your life has changed without you even realizing it! And no, it’s NOT a bad thing! It’s a good thing, because if you actually got to see your life changing I don’t think you would let it happen. Change is scary and usually quite unwelcome. It’s difficult to embrace but it’s something that we all need. For now, at 20 years old, all of these changes are really exhilarating and sometimes overwhelming. That’s the beauty of it though 🙂 Overwhelming is sometimes a good emotion. I’m trying to embrace this crazy ride right now. Between school, wedding planning and sorting out things with a new house to live in, things are a little nuts. But this is one of the best times of your life right? At least that’s how I see it. Everything is new and fresh and still sparkly. I can’t tarnish that; I have to take mental pictures to be able to remember as much of this as I possibly can. I don’t want it to pass me in a blur.

Which brings me to my final point about change….I’ll never be able to fully comprehend what makes a person go through ups and downs emotionally. I never understand what makes this happen to me. I don’t get how sometimes I can just magically feel fine and then 12 hours later feel completely awful and I want to lie on my floor and give up. How does that work? I don’t know where it comes from or how to be rid of it. It’s been like this for a couple of weeks now; I don’t think I cope with it well. I don’t cope with stress, or uncertainty, or myself changing very well. I don’t know how to handle myself looking differently. I can’t wrap my mind around someone looking at me differently, scrutinizing my body in weird ways. Actually, maybe that second part is just me. Maybe this is all pre-wedding dress fitting jitters, but I’m just trying to keep all my thoughts collected and in one place. Change is a long and constant road. There’s no escaping.