Clear Eyes…Full Hearts

The first week of new semesters ALWAYS brings it’s own hidden anxieties. I’m just like everyone else to falls victim to the pressure/excitement/unknown variables that a new semester brings. Of course, for me, that just adds onto the already huge dark hovering pressure of Ed and all his “glory”. I have to make and devote time to ensure my mental sanity remains at a good level. So, that’s been my struggle this week. It’s been trying to juggle a new already stressful semester and trying to focus on not what new burdens the semester brings, but here in the moment about that I actually CAN control.

Next, I found something really interesting on Pinterest the other night. Go Pinterest, Go!!! I found this pin that led to this website about a Body Image Bible Study.

http://vevahealth.com/2013/06/17/body-image-bible-study-2/

I looked at it this afternoon and at first, I wasn’t all that impressed. At first, I just thought it was the same old type of study where you read the verse “I am fearfully and wonderfully made.” or “You knit me in my mother’s womb.” Yeah, those verses are wonderful and all, but personally, I think those two in particular ARE OVERUSED!! Those verses were included in this, however, it also instructed you to read Psalm 139 in it’s entirety. I ran across a few points that quite honestly made me a bit teary eyed.

139:1-3:: “You searched me…you know when I sit and rise…You perceive my THOUGHTS…” WHAT?! I mean, I knew all of this, but ponder that for just a second. There isn’t a thing I do or a feeling I have that God isn’t aware that I’m experiencing. To me, this is an absolutely amazing/comforting feeling.

139:11-12:: “the darkness will hide me.” I can’t say that I haven’t thought about it. I’ve thought about ‘hiding’ from God. I thought that because of all these negative and self hating thoughts I have, I thought that God wouldn’t want me. BUT the Bible says, “even the darkness will not be dark to you.”

139:23:: “search me and know my heart….know my ANXIOUS thoughts.” This is one of the last verses and it just jumped out at me because it says the word anxious. I think my body literally runs on anxiety. It’s crazy the amount I have. There’s times at night where I can’t fall asleep for hours because I suddenly and overwhelmed with intense anxiety about everything in my life. But this clearly states that God knows them and that gives hope that you can let go.

Girl Crush

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=l0TxUL_5Gl0

Here this goes.

So, something that has become popular in today’s society is “women crushes”/ “girl crushes” etc. It’s done by both men and women. Whether it’s men who find these women insanely attractive or women who just acknowledge the fact that this famous women is pretty, I assure you, it’s a real thing. I mean, there are whole Pinterest boards devoted to this subject.

I even have some of my own: Emma Watson, Emma Stone (okay, any woman named Emma apparently), Leighton Meester, Taylor Swift, Shailene Woodley, Amiee Teegarden, I’m positive there are others but this is ALL beside the point.

My point is, I think that I have a “girl crush” on a figment of my imagination. I think that I have created an ideal image of what I am supposed to look like. I think I’ve somehow meshed and mashed all these women together and then morphed them into something that I think that I want to be. The other option is that I’ve taken myself, grown about 2 1/2 to 3 inches, grown my hair and changed pretty much how my body functions altogether.

“I want her long blonde hair, I want her magic touch.”

I was in my car the other day and that Little Big Town song came on and I suddenly related to about have the things they were singing about in that song in a completely different manner than how they meant. I realized that I want everything that this fictional and completely imagined “Kairos” has. What she smells like, her hair, her clothes, the way she smiles and laughs, her friends, carefree attitude, and whoever in the world is wanting her in this song (insert laugh track here). 

“I got it real bad, want everything she has.”

“I don’t get no sleep, I don’t get no peace,

thinking about her.”

That’s the line where I realize, you can’t be constantly trying to make a “better” you. I’ve got to be happy with the person that God created me to be, whatever she may look like. I know that it’s a hard concept to fully accept who you are, but I will never find peace if I don’t start at least trying to be happy with myself. 

Everybody Knows We Have No Fear

http://www.jedfoundation.org/press-room/news-archive/my-nine-year-struggle-with-anorexia-by-brittany-snow

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=l-6IL8DCcFI

So for some reason earlier I was Googling Brittany Snow. I’m not even sure what possessed me to look her up today, maybe the Pitch Perfect 2 ad or something (or maybe just the fact I’ve loved her since American Dreams???) Anyways, it turns out that it was a really, very, wonderful thing that I did Google her today. I found something that just really helped me. Brittany Snow had the daily struggle too.

WHAT????? She. Is. Gorgeous. How does that happen?

American Dreams

John Tucker Must Die

Hairspray

Pitch Perfect

She’s precious. And maybe…I’ll carry her article around in my back pocket just like she carried hers. It’s a daily journey. Remembering you’re enough and you are worth it is key.

Love Is Louder ❤