Tag Archives: self acceptance

Link Love 6/12

Happy Sunday!!!! 🙂 I’m so excited for this week!! My Mom and I are going to Dallas later this week to do some shopping/visit the George W. Bush Presidential Library and Museum/just get away. 20160604_190421

Fun:

What Fashion Era Do You Belong In? by Kimia Madani via livingly.com

50’s Romance Era 🙂

This Is What the Perfect House Looks Like, According to Pinterest-by Angela Elias via Popsugar

Health/Body Image:

What Does Healthy Even Mean? – by Robyn via The Real Life RD

This was beautiful. It made my heart smile and feel good for a meager minute. I’m trying so, so, so very hard and even reading the same sentence of “loving and appreciating your body no matter what your pant size” is over and over again is how I find 5 minutes of comfort, I’m going to read those words every hour of ever day until it sinks in.

Side Stitch: What Causes it and How to Prevent It-by Lizzie Fuhr via PopSugar

This happens to me all too often.

26 People Share The Important Reasons They Stopped Dieting– by Sally Tamarkin via Buzzfeed

The Peanuts always make me smile, so here’s hoping they help you smile as well 🙂

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Peanut Butter Swamp

Stop Comparing Yourself To Others And Focus On You — Here’s How– by Lisa Quast via Forbes

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Do you ever feel like you are standing completely still and the world is just whizzing by? Like you are sprinting as fast as you can but the peanut butter you are trekking through is slowing you down? It just won’t let you move any quicker than you are already going? Am I the only one who feels like I’m trying so hard, exerting all the efforts and doing everything I can the “right way” but still coming up a little short than others? Am I the only one who feels like they are stuck in a peanut butter swamp?!

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Don’t get me wrong, I love my peanut butter; but I don’t love running in it.

We’ve heard it said before that comparing yourself to others won’t get you anywhere. It won’t make you feel better about yourself. It won’t make you more successful and it doesn’t mean you are better than anybody else. Comparison creates misery. It doesn’t matter what we are comparing ourselves to others on, whether it be our body, our job, our intelligence, relationships, cooking skills, friendships or anything else under the sun, it’s all so self-destructive and damaging.

Everyone is on their own journey in life. We are all in different places. Lately, I’ve noticed in myself that as I look at these snapshots of other people’s lives on Instagram or Facebook I feel a little discouraged. I see people around my age getting married or graduating (which I’ve done both), getting a job, becoming more physically fit, reaching diet goals, reaching life goals, having a baby, traveling and seeming to have these grand successes. And I’m happy for them! I truly am but I feel like I’m standing in thick peanut butter. I can’t seem to stop myself from comparing my life to theirs! What is wrong with me?! It’s not that I’m not content with where I am. I love my life and everything God has provided me. I think that at times I just feel discouraged because I feel like I’m trying as hard as I possibly can to get a job and just come up short. Or, I see other women my age having a baby and it starts to me nervous and think… “Oh, should I be trying to have a baby? Am I getting old?!” (I know that’s an irrational thought. I’m NOT old. I also know that starting a family right now is not a road I want to venture down. However, that doesn’t stop my panic every now and then.) Then I see all the ads, progress pictures or just already in great shape women I follow and think that I’m “letting myself go”. I begin to think that I’m not pretty enough, I’m not working out hard enough and I’m going to gain all this weight and not be happy.

Here’s where my history with an eating disorder does not work in my favor. When I’m stressed out (which I already am with working towards recovery) I originally found my eating disorder voice. When I felt like I wasn’t good enough I found myself masking my emotions and feelings aside and trading them in for workouts, food restriction and cutting myself off from others. I was scared just like I am now. I have to fight so hard to keep my mind away from those thoughts. Some days they get the best of me. Some days I have to coach myself and say, “It’s okay to eat. It’s not going to make you less of a person.” or “You don’t have to run more than 4 miles. Moving a little is better than not moving at all.” I’m so terrified by other’s success that I feel like my minor ones are insignificant or even worse, failures.

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The fact that I can run 4 miles now, is a success. However, when I see these Instagram posts, “super fit pregnancy” pictures or Pinterest things with photographs of way physically fit women, I suddenly feel like less of a person and my confidence is shaken. I just start to wonder what I’m doing wrong or what else I could do to achieve their success. I feel like I’ve fallen behind. When I see someone else finally get the job they have been looking for, I begin that exact same cycle of comparison and wonder what I could do differently…..to achieve their success.

The two key words here are their success. Wait, why do I have somebody else’s success?! I AM capable of my OWN success. I just have to be patient. I have to work on myself. I have to be content with where I am in my journey in life. I don’t want someone else’s used gum, so why would I want someone else’s success? It’s already being used there. I want my own! Just like I want my own York patties, pizza and peanut butter sandwich 🙂

We haven’t “fallen behind” as we so often feel. We aren’t less of a person because we don’t look like someone else or aren’t in the exact same place as some people in our journey in life! We don’t know how long the person we are comparing ourselves to has been stuck in their own peanut butter swamp or what it took to get them to their current success. We are just us. We are all just doing the best we can. The best thing we can remember is this:

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And to remember to be patient and content-even in hard times-in our own peanut butter swamp.

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These Wildest Dreams

The world isn’t black and white. Recovery isn’t black and white either. Not too long ago, I thought it was only in my wildest dreams. It’s not though! Recovery is about forging a new path in the snow. It’s like the coach I met with me said, “Recovery is like taking a sled and going down a snowy hill. You’ve been going down the same path for SO long that the tracks from the sled are carved so deeply in the snow that making a new path seems absolutely terrifying. But that’s recovery. That’s what we have to do!! The first couple of times, it’s bumpy, you may fall off, there are unexpected twists and turns, but eventually you get to the bottom. Then, you climb back up and do it ALL over again. The more we create and form the new path, the easier it gets.”

North Lake Tahoe

That’s what I’ve been doing for the past 2 weeks, forming a new path in my head and creating new habits. I’ve been trying to let go of fear and learn more about me. Recovery is about a journey to your true self. The actual person you are, your authentic self. The self without the eating disorder. I have goals, wants and needs outside the eating disorder part of me. That part of me doesn’t call all the shots! The part of me that’s constantly scared, fearful of other’s opinions, anxiety ridden, and that walks around so bogged down from fear that I’m tired and can’t be happy sometimes is NOT my authentic self! I have to learn to listen to myself, to listen to my body and what it wants. Without constantly catering to what the eating disorder part of me wants, I can have more time to focus on other things….like finding an actual hobby. This week alone, I read books I wanted to, cleaned, changed our bed set up, and even baked something (that was a slight fiasco). Nevertheless, I did have some time to focus on other things. Don’t get me wrong, it was hard as hell some days. You know that saying, “fall down three times, stand back up four times”? Or whatever it is. Yeah, that’s what I’m living.

One of my favorite quotes

Not every day is easy. Not every day is even fun. Life isn’t happy-go-lucky as soon as you decide to just stop listening to the eating disorder part of you. It’s still there. It’s still real. It still hurts! But, that’s what recovery is about. It’s about saying “hey, eating disorder voice, I hear you, I hear what you’re saying, but I’m not going to deal with/listen to you right now. I’m going to go do….” Eating disorder recovery is about healing and part of that healing is learning about yourself. Which brings me to my next point…it’s about loving, accepting and being proud of yourself.

I'll be fine if they don't:

We live in a world where people preach confidence and then turn right around and criticize you for being confident and proud of yourself. I’m about to tell you that I’m learning to accept myself by saying “I am who I am. If you like me, great and if you don’t like me, that’s great too. But this is me, and I’m going to go on and be myself.’  I’m learning to try to be an actual friend to myself. I’m proud of myself for realizing that I need help. I’m proud of myself for meeting with someone. I’m proud of myself for being about to try and make a new path. I’m proud of myself for almost being through with student teaching (I finished my last evaluation this week.) I’m proud of myself for doing student teaching and somehow managing to get married in the middle! I’m proud of all of the things that my body can somehow manage to, and finally, I’m proud of myself for about to be a college graduate. I’m never actually thought it was okay to be proud of myself, but I had a short conversation with my coach today and she said to write down all of the things I was proud of myself for. She also said it’s great to be proud of yourself! That’s self-acceptance!!!! So, there is it. I’m proud of myself. You should be proud of yourself too.

I know I need help. I have hurt people and never intended to. And that I can't live with cause I hurt the most important person in my life and I have lost her. I can't do this alone. So nervous and scared yet hopefully to be going to pine lodge tomorow. I know it's gonna be tough but so what I need. I surrender cause my way isn't working for me.

In the spirit of the season of thankfulness (considering Thanksgiving is less than a week from today), on my way home I realized that I have so many things to be thankful for. I’m actually happy. I’m so incredibly blessed by everything that surrounds me and that has happened to me in the past couple of months. I’m thankful for my family (the new and old), my friends (especially the ones who have been with me through thick and thin…nudge, nudge), KIDS to teach, music, writing, books, GOD and the opportunities that I have been given in this life BY HIM. I find myself full of gratitude and looking at the world in a positive light rather than negative. Life is beautiful.  Stay Fearless, y’all ❤

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Red High Heels

So, I haven’t written lately but I think that’s because I’ve felt pretty good lately. That could be a product of a couple different things. I think I’ve gotten my medicine under control and to the right dose that actually helps me and doesn’t have me all messed up somehow. I’ve got a best friend and the best boyfriend I could ever ask for and a puppy that’s absolutely adorable and who has totally stolen my heart.  For now, and for the first time in a while, I think that things are going really well for me.

Anyways, I’ve been listening to Kellie Pickler tonight and I’ve heard her songs before and I’ve liked her but I never listened to all of her songs. I came across her, Don’t You Know You’re Beautiful song. That’s a really difficult for me to accept, as well as many other girls in the world. There’s just always a constant feeling of you’re not good enough. But as I listen to that song, I continually think, “hey, you know what, you’re totally right Kellie Pickler, I’m beautiful. I don’t need to change that. I’m fine that way I am.”

Really, the moral of the story here, is that, it someone doesn’t accept you or like you for exactly who you are, screw them. Okay, okay, I know there’s a more polite way to word that and that’s awfully blunt, but in the end, that’s exactly what it comes down to.  If you let someone into your life and all they want to do is change you, that’s absolutely ridiculous! I’ve heard it said before that before someone can love you, you have to love yourself. I agree with that but only to a point. I think that before someone can love you, you have to merely accept yourself first. To  truly allow yourself to be loved to your full potential and allow yourself to fully love someone else, you have to accept yourself as you all, with all your flaws, strengths, fears and triumphs. You have to begin to understand that even as screwed up as you think you are, someone else can think you’re perfect and that you hung the moon. It’s all about perception. 

Who Are You?

When I accept myself....

Everybody keeps telling me that “I’m fine.” or “I’m doing great.” How do they know this? Better yet, why do they think this? Am I don’t well? Better? Because, truth be told, I don’t really know that I feel all that different. I don’t think that I feel like I’ve changed, or recovered or rejuvenated or however that I’m supposed to feel. But maybe I’m not going to undergo this dramatic change. Not everyone does. My therapist seems to think that I can just consider myself “in recovery”  and never actually cured. Seeing as there is no actual cure for eating disorders and it’s just something you have to learn to live with and cope with, maybe saying “in recovery” is the correct answer.

Also, on another note, having acceptance of people is something vital to relationships. No matter what type of issue they have. Like for me, the eating disorder doesn’t define me. It just happens to be a large part of my life. Much like a child with Autism, it doesn’t define them, it’s just a part of their every day life. I think that people forget these things easily. They forget that a person is more than their disorder or illness. People are more than their struggles. They are the books they read, their laugh, smile, their favorite foods and t.v. shows, the silly jokes they tell, their favorite scents, even their favorite color. People are their raw emotions and their deepest darkest secrets. Whatever struggle they are living with does not, and will not ever fully define their life. Acceptance is key. Acceptance is key to everything. When someone excepts you fully-exactly as you are- it makes it that much easier to recover, cope or live with your struggle.

You are a thousand things. Love love love.